Hi Mamas,
Let me be the first to admit that I am NOT a neat freak. Nowhere close, actually. I feel like I'm living in a sty most of the time, but I do try to keep things picked up and I clean the house (along with my husband and daughter) once a week to make sure it doesn't get out of hand. And I am kind to my things. I don't feel like having a spotless house is all that important, but I do like to know where my things are. I try to impress upon my 4-year-old daughter that once she's finished playing with something, she should pick it up before she gets something else out so we can contain her messes.
That said, this child has turned into a walking tornado. Her room is AWFUL! I ask her to pick it up every day after her rest time and she does a good job, but I just recently realized that she's been shoving everything under the bed and just hiding things rather than putting them away. She has also recently started ripping pages out of her books sometimes (and these are books she likes!), so I tape them up and take them away from her for a couple of weeks until I feel like she's earned having them back. But then she does it again! I just noticed that she's been coloring on her clothes and even her furniture sometimes. She'll take new clothes and throw them on the floor immediately and not think a thing about it. I tell her that she's not going to get anything new until she starts showing me she can take care of her things, and that upsets her for a while, but she has so much stuff, she doesn't need anything new so it doesn't really affect her much in the long run.
Most of the time, the bulk of the bad stuff that happens occurs during her rest time, which is just an hour of quiet time in her room. She has lots to do in there and she usually listens to stories on her CD player for the entire time.
I should also mention that I was this way when I was a kid. I was a mess and kind of a hoarder until I went to college, so I guess she gets it honestly, but I'm not that way anymore and never have been since she's been around. Could being a human tornado be some sort of inherited trait? :)
So, I guess what I want to know is, what tips do you have for this situation? What's worked for you? I don't really care if her room is spotless, like I've said, but I don't want her ruining her things and I don't want her just shoving everything under the bed when she's supposed to clean her room. How do I teach my kid to take care of her things?
Thanks,
Hilary
I stripped my son's room down to a bed, a dresser (half empty) a SMALL toy box that he can control and most of his clothes are out of reach in his closet. Once he can keep that under control he can graduate to more things. My son is 5 and is working on it, but then again I am 30 and still working on understanding some of these things too! Like I can not stand putting the clothes away after washing them!
I have been trying for 24 years to figure out how to market the destructive capabilities of my children.
No luck! :(
Eventually they move out.
Sounds like she needs fewer things in her room. Is there a spare closet you could put some of her stuff in? If she drags stuff out of that closet too then lock it. That way she has to ask permission and you can control how much of that stuff she has out at one time.
she has too much stuff in her room and too much time on her hands. I'd say you need to pack up most of her things and store them elsewhere. My granddaughter is 5 and a walking tornado. Less stuff makes it easier to keep things clean. Also there's no reason for markers, crayons, etc to be in her room ever. Take them out and keep them in a location where you can watch over their use.
Take away lots of it. She has too much.
No crayons, markers, paints, etc in the bedroom
Help her clean it up by sitting in her room and saying OK pick up everything pink, get all the dollies, now get the books, etc
Make sure everything has a place
Praise her for doing it correctly and thank her when she does it without being told.
Time out and loss of books if she tears them, books are our friends. :o)
First off, let me say that this behavior can and probably is inherited. My daughter DID NOT grow up around her father at all and yet as she grew up I spotted so many of his habits in her. I KNOW they were inherited because he was never around him to learn them.
Now on to the tornedo daughter. My GD was the exact same way. Her room was a nightmare all the time! I think learning to clean your room is just that - a learning process. I usually go in once a week or so and really clean after she's "cleaned" and she is getting better so I don't have to do nearly as much as I used to.
As for her being destructive to her things during "quiet time," I would change that up and have her keep her door open during this time so you can monitor and make sure she is staying on her bed.
I would also take all of her crayons and other writing materials. For the next 2 months, she would have to ask to use one, would get ONLY one at a time, and has to return it to me as soon as she's done. She now has to earn your trust with a writing instrument.
As for the shoving under the bed, just look every day. I remember one time my mom making me get under my bed and stay there for 10 minutes because I shoved something under it. Let me tell you, I NEVER did that again. Not saying you should do that, just saying it's what broke me.
As for the destruction of the other things, I would simply carry out your threat. Don't buy her anything else. Don't say anything to her, but the very next time she asks for something, very matter-of-factly tell her sorry, you aren't getting anything new until you learn how to take care of what you already have. AFter a couple of times of being denied new things for this same reason, she'll get it.
Good luck!
Ok she is 4 and its her room. Make it a bonding game time with her so it is more enjoyable. When rooms get a mess it can seem overwhelming to a 4 year old. Need to break it down to parts.
Hi Hilary,
I would empty her room: empty. If she's going to destroy her things when left alone with them, then that's too much freedom/responsibility for her. Hang her clothes out of reach, box up her toys and books. Let her only play with things when supervised.
Be patient, she will learn.
t
maybe shes surpassed the age for nap/quiet time? If you put any kid in their room for an hour unsupervies in the middle of the day they'll destroy it.
My daughers bedroom has very little in it, stuffed animals, books, and the essentials. All of her toys and art supplies are stored in the playroom. That seems to help contain messes. Also everything has a clear place in her playroom.
I agree with everyone else, too much stuff. I also agree no arts/crafts stuff in her room if she's going to use it to color on furniture/clothing. My kids lost their arts/crafts stuff for years (ages 4 - 6) for drawing on the walls in their rooms.
Make sure everything has a place, and that it's labeled. Since she's 4 you might want to use pictures to label drawers/buckets/etc.
Then go in her room and help her clean it up and show her where everything goes. When you are all done take a picture. Print the picture large enough so she can see detail. When you ask her to clean her room show her the picture and tell her that's what you expect the room to look like when she's done.
With the clothes - if she plays dress up in or colors on regular clothes they get donated immediately. She is old enough to understand we don't color on our clothes. However, you might want to buy a bunch of cheap tshirts and have a fun 'shirt decorating day' once a month or so, that way she gets to be creative and she's not wrecking her good clothes.
ETA: I totally agree with the genetic predisposition. My son is relatively neat. His room is cluttered, but not messy, and he keeps his things in the rest of the house neat too. My daughter's room always looks like a bomb went off in it. I've done all of the above (except the pic, always forget that part, lol) and it works for a time but her natural inclination is to just drop stuff where she is when she's done. I've given up on her room to some extent (she has to clean it weekly) and focused on the rest of the house since her 'finish and drop' behavior isn't limited to her room unfortunately.
Hello, I'm sure you're going to get a lot of interesting responses. Yes, you need to let her be a kid, but we also have the job to teach them responsability. With that said, have a home for everything. Teach her where everything belongs and when she takes toys out, you teach her to put them away. It'll take a little reputition, but she'll get it. My son played and he would put things away. Also, before we left anywhere and/or bedtime it was clean up. If you do nothing, it'll get worse and she will never learn. Good luck..............
I'm the "slob" in my family of neat-freaks (and I think my daughter inherited some hoarding tendencies from my husband's side as well), so I know where you're coming from!
My kiddo will be 3 in June, so I know she still needs a lot of help cleaning her room. We don't keep much in there, but everything does have it's place. I usually sit in there with her and help direct her organizing efforts. That way, there are no "surprises" (like finding a secret stash somewhere).
She usually likes to "race" to clean (ie, who can put the most toys in the basket before the timer goes off) as well.
As others have said, limit the amount of stuff she has access to. Since you said she has plenty of stuff, it's easy for her to get bored with everything. Rotate toys/clothes/books. If she ruins something, put it away...for a LONG time. Definitely no "replacement" items for things purposely trashed.
And, of course, reward her for good behavior!
