My hubby is getting really fruastrated and down because whenever i am not home and he has the baby, He just strats crying and crying. The baby only does that with james. Our baby is not a crier. James is starting to think the baby doesn't like him because of it. I think our son is just not used to me being gone for work yet. Its strange though because he only does it with james not with either of our parents. Its always like an hour before i am supposed to be home too. What can i do and how can i console james and let him know that the baby doesn't hate him?
M.-
My daughter did exactly the same thing with my husband. It was because he was never really involved with taking care of her. She did not really start bonding with him until he took an active interest which was when she was around 2. Every once in a while she still says she doesn't love him lol! She was always just so bonded to me. But basically just having him take over duties slowly got her more bonded to him.
Brekka
M.-
Our second baby did the same thing. I think that part of it is because he is waiting for it to happen. No matter what he needs to try and have fun with your son in a way that no other person can. They need to make that connection. With my first baby it was football. My hubby and daughter would sit and watch anything with football. The second baby was dancing. She loves to dance with her daddy, and still at 2 she loves to snuggle with dad and dance.
For starters let the guys have time when you are there and then your son will see that dad is fun. And tell your hubby to RELAX. The baby will feel the panic coming over him and that makes baby unsure. Also make sure that in that time the baby is getting fed...Not that he would forget...but sometimes if you go even a 1/2 hour off their schedule they will get fussy.
Mostly tell your man to relax and enjoy his time alone with your son!!!
Maybe get a tape recorder & record the sound of your voice (example: sing some of your childs favorite songs & or read some books). Also try having your husband take you child out w/ him. For example: go shopping, take the baby to the park, etc. Have hubby make sure the child doesn't need changed or is hungry. Hope this helps. Good Luck!!
i 'second' ashley's post.
go as far as, if you are both home, he should take over some duties for a few hours and you try to sit back and not do the feeding , changing etc.. so your son get's used to james doing these things, and that you will be gone and then back. sometimes it's a security thing with little ones especially that young. they are building up that trust that you will leave AND return. play peek-a-boo alot.. leave the room and tell the baby you will be right back.. and return a few minutes later. if possible let james take care of the baby while you are in a totally different part of the house..can help build that security that you will be back and also reassurance in james that it's not him..poor guy.
my kids haven't really ever cried when i've left. i think it's due to the fact that my husband sometimes will 'take over' for me so i can just go veg in the bedroom and watch tv. or just go to the store for a short trip.(at the beginning).. now it's like ' ok get out of here it's your day off'..lol lol.. so now i feel comfortable being gone for hours at a time..but they are much older too..
good luck.. and please reasure james it's not that the baby doesn't like him. and to tell him to talk to other dads. it helps just like talking to other moms for moms does.
T.
I think your hubby is probably nervous around the baby, which babies can tell and react too. My hubby was a nervous first time dad too, and my son was that way at first. My cure all was to have hubby hold him as much as possible. If he is being bottled fed, let hubby do some of that too. Another great way to help is to all sit on the couch together and then he can see daddy and mommy at the same time. Babies are fun, but funny all at the same time. Good Luck! and keep encouraging your hubby that he is doing a great job and to relax!
If you've always fed the baby at that time, he may be having trouble adjusting. Some kids are easily startled by a loud voice or a loud laugh. My little sister was terrified of my uncle. She'd startled every time he laughed.
Your baby is too young to love or hate anyone. He could just be missing you. Have your husband keep at it and hold him a lot. He may not have a bond with him completely, yet.
my son did the same with my husband.my husband tried soft music and laying him on your husbnd stomach.i could be he is not use to the change.it gets better trust me it taks time and lots of love.good luck
babies will go through preferences, liking one over the other. If it's just before you get home is that because it's getting close to feeding time and you nurse Riley? If you been gone for a few hours, he could just be getting tired and ready to have the familiarity of you back.
Also, if dad gets tense or nervouse, babies can sense that sometimes. Do you have a snug pack that dad can wear him in. Maybe that closeness would soothe him. Also, when you get home try to ease you're way back in. Don't run to pick him up, that may tell him (baby) that if he's loud enough that mommy will appear immediately. try letting him notice you. Or let dad hold him and you hold them both until he calms down.
One thing my husband does is act like the kids aren't crying and talks to them as if they were happy. He even has little wrestling matches/tickle fights and they come around. With your guy being so young though he may be picking up on your husbands excitement when you are about to get home. Our little guy has been going to the door since he was about 9mos. and waiting for DaDa to get home. Perhaps suggest your husband acts like you are not going to be home soon and the baby wont pick up on our husbands emotion or excitement and the crying wont start 'till you walk through the door. Perhaps leaving something that smells like you with your husband and have him offer that to the baby when he is upset.
It's nice to see that you are soooo in love with your baby! Congratulations.
Hi M.,
My 3 year old did the same thing to my hubby and he felt the same way. He has since out grown it but it was a rough time. What we did to help things was when I was home Ramon (hubby) would take over care of the baby while I was doing whatever until he needed nursed, then together we would feed the baby ie he held him while he fed. It wasn't till Gabe was about 5-6 months before he was okay with dad, but Ramon never backed off either. My husband was in the military when Gabe was born and so it was me he was with constantly and with forcing Gabe to hang out with dad it helped alot.
Hope this helps and maybe gives you some ideas.
hEY M., I had the same problem with mine, especially when I went back to work, and hubby stayed home with baby. I think the baby can sense dads nervousness, reMEMEBER, babies are very sensitive to changes in heartbeats. Also, maybe dad just doesnt smell right. Have dad hold baby while your home and he is relaxed wearing or holding a shirt that smells like you. Good luck, tell dad to try and be an adult about it, the baby isnt prejudice, it just dont like his vibes (smell) :')
My daughter did the same thing, but my situation was my husband wasn't there because of work.. but she only did it because she hadn't bonded with him. She slowly start coming around the more he was around her. I would have them play with each other while I was still there and I told my husband he needed to be patience with her. My suggestion would be to have him play and take of him more often so when you do leave the baby knows he is okay. Let him know that he has to stay calm and patience when he is watching him by himself. Tell him the baby can feel what he feels. So if he is feeling anxious the baby is going to feel the same way. Hope this helps. Good luck.
