Help! My Daughter Is Biting & Scratching!

Updated on September 29, 2011
E.K. asks from Ypsilanti, MI
4 answers

When I picked up my daughter (4 years old) from daycare today, there was a note telling me she bit one child and scratched another! All the note says is that she was "talked to" by the teacher for each incident. Should I be worried? I know it is common for younger kids to hit, but is it common for four-year-olds? It is one thing for kids to hit or kick when they get mad or frustrated, but biting and scratching seems more vicious to me. When we got home, I made her call her father who was still at work and tell him what she did. We talked about what to do when someone makes us mad, and what not to do.

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L.C.

answers from Dover on

All I could think of is, "Who hacked your daughter off?"

In a child this age and when it is uncommon, it seems more like she was super, super angry. For my daughter to bite (same age as your) she would have to be just seething, seeing red mad! I would want to know what on earth happened. Not to excuse her, because that's no good for her, but just to know what the heck went on.

You handled it. Sounds like someone just pushed all her buttons at once. Bet they don't do that again.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.M.

answers from Portland on

I would get a copy of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, quick. The techniques they teach are simple and amazing. They will help you help your daughter address these issues herself, starting with coaxing her to share with you what her intentions or motives were. She probably has reasons that made sense to her in the moment, and that's a great starting point in understanding her behaviors. But it's not an ending point, and she can become part of the problem-solving team.

I've used this gentle but brilliant book with my grandson since he was 2.5, and have been consistently please with how well it enhances his communication and reasoning skills. Plus, he knows I respect him as a problem-solver, and values that highly.

The book is probably available at the nearest branch of your library, or is a very worthwhile purchase from a bookstore. You will reach for this one many times in the next 10 years.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Maybe the other kids are irking/bothering her.
So many personalities in a room.

Teach her coping skills and how to speak up and tell the Teacher/Provider HOW to tell them, if something is bothering her or if she needs help or help with another kid bothering her.

Kids don't automatically have these skills. It is taught.

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Dr. Sears has some great advice here:
biting/hitting:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/both...

some excellent behavior shaping tools as well as the how to talk so kids will listen advice:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

I would also ask why she did it. Was she upset over having to share, did the other child provoke her somehow, was she just vicious and attacked without provocation, was she seeking attention, was it a stressful situation at the time?... find out the circumstance.

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