Help, My Child Is Agressive

My dd was that way. She is still so young, time outs or other consequences like that I don't believe will help, just cause more frustration. Especially with a spirited personality. It is important not to break their spirit, these are personalities that will someday really be an advantage to them provided they are allowed to learn how to work with them. I think the best thing to do is to understand where she is coming from and show her what you do want her to do. How to trade items, how to take turns, how it makes others happy when she does this, etc.

To help me understand my dd when she was toddler, I printed this out and put it on my refrigerator. It made me smile.

Toddler Rules

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically
becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Very typical for a 19 month old. You have to keep in mind she doesn't have a vocabulary yet. So she cannot express her feelings or emotions verbally. So the only way to do it is by actions. You have to stop her in the situation and demonstrate what sharing is. Explain to her that we all share our toys. Keep repeating it after she does it. As far as time outs. A child should be contained a minute for every year. Keep putting her there over and over again if she gets up. Don't relent. You have to let her know you are the authority figure in this relationship. Eventually she will give in and understand you mean business. Since she has a sibling on he way she may be a little jealous of your pending arrival so her behavior might show it. None the less don't give in.

As Dr. Phil says "You can't have the tail wagging the dog."

I absolutely agree with Stacie N. You just have to stop her, tell her "No that is not acceptable behavior" and put her in timeout. One idea that has helped with my 2 1/2 year old is turning sharing into a game. When he starts to throw a fit because he wants a toy for example. We let Sam have a turn with the ball... then Mommy takes a turn with the ball. We do this back and fourth. While we continue taking turns. I simply tell him "Look how much fun we are having sharing". Accentuate the positive instead of the negative.

As for the huge breakdowns during timeouts!! YEAH! I'm not alone! Just be consistent. Let her sit a minute and try to talk. If that doesn't work, repeat it. There are times on bad days that Sam will sit in timeout for 10 minutes (with me checking in and trying to reason every 2). Eventually she will break, she's just testing your boundaries. If you stick to your guns you'll let her know that she needs to respect you. She'll thank you in the long run for instilling this in her at an early age. Good luck and know you're not alone!

Jaime

I am also dealing with this behavior from my daughter who is 2 1/2. At first I thought it was because of the middle child syndrome... but she really started acting this way BEFORE she was a middle child!! I have a 4 year old son who is very sweet and reasonable, and a soon to be one year old as well. We've tried giving her one on one attention, and making a big deal about good things she does, star charts... you name it. The past couple weeks have really been a struggle because her crying over everything is just nerve shattering! I've started looking in to some two year old classes but havent' decided on anything yet since most are at inconvenient times due to the baby's schedule and my son's preschool schedule. So, I guess I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to vent myself and let you know I'm in the same boat!!!! amanda

The second of my trio, who are 18 months, is also aggressive. I don't quash her aggressiveness but I repeatedly show her by example and tell her what is acceptable and what it not. She is one of three so the word "SHARE" was the first word I've ever tried to teach them. Some days it works and other days it doesn't so I just stay consistent with the lessons I try to teach her and her siblings.

Since she responds with breaking down when she is put into time out for the bahevaior it sounds like she is getting the message very clearly - keep at it. Most kids have to be taught to temper their aggression - your consistency and effort will be rewarded as she grow up to appreciate and be appreciated by others! way to go!

when she does this tell her NO! and remove her from the room. My ex sister in law has a "naughty mat" for time outs. she can just say naughty mat and her boys straighten right up. It's great but it was no fun training them to the mat, they hated it. She just kept enforcing it. For away from home she uses a cloth napkin that she keeps in her purse. I have seen her put that napkin on the floor in the middle of a store. Works wonderful and the behavior stops NOW! Good Luck.