OK not really but sometimes I have to wonder.. are they all like this? Hi I have 2 daughters 21 years old and 19 years old.....and THEN my 3 year old son! He is the ggreastest little boy ever ..he has many moments of love and gentleness and even compassion..But Man When he acts up he acts up ...screaming, hitting, throwing, not listening, chasing and or trying to hit or kick the cat. It's all I can do to get him to look at me in the eye and acknowledge what he is doing wrong ..And I know the things i should say and point out to him ..why he should not be doing those "Not Nice" things..I have put him in the corner I have put him in his room i have yelled ( i know resolves nothing) but i kinda feel like i am going around in circles.. at age 3yr and 4 mo is there more effective way to discipline a 3 year old? BTW i don't recall my girls being so HARSH! Any advice or just knowing I am not alone will help! PS I LOVE THIS WEBSITE and wish you all a wonderful holiday!
Well as usual the responses where great! I do feel much better as I thought I would hearing back from you all that I am not alone and I DO NOT have an exceptionally unruly child! One response that put me in check was from Valery.. I do the “options” and let him choose and it REALLY works.. I just need to be consistent and for the Mothers who where in the same boat as me “lost” ..Do the options they do work ..Like I pick two outfits in the morning and let him pick ..this way he feels “empowered” and when I am making him something to eat he get his step stool and helps and he feels good about that too…or he even helps me with the laundry sooo like when he is having a melt down I ask him if he can help me with something and 9 x out of 10 he snaps out of it! Soo once again thank u all for opinions and heartfelt advice! Love to you all and have a wonderful holiday!
In my opinion there's no such thing as the terrible two's. It's really the terrible 3's! Seriously my oldest is now 4 and a few months and she has finally grown out of it. Just be as patient as you can and go to the spa as often as possible.
Happy Holidays!
M....it's been a long time since your last two, and yes boys are completely different. I have two of each. He's testing his boundries and waiting for you to set them and be consistent. He'll test you ever 4-6 months or so. Once you set boundries he'll feel safe and he'll calm down for a while and then the process will start all over again. You must make sure your discipline is firm, consistent, and final. Don't try to talk to him and lecture him like you did your girls. Boys respond to actions. Give him one warning and then do it. He has to believe you. Talk is cheap...women talk, men do. Do and he'll respect you. Do before you are pushed to your limit and go ballistic. Trust me he just wants some security in knowing his limitations..don't let him define them, he's never done this before, but you have.
I love this website too.
He sounds like my 4 kids. you know what. i have learned it doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl. sometimes they all just act up. I am a mom of 4 kids ages 6 and younger and sometimes they all get going at once. I tried all of the things you mentioned and nothing worked. We even went to 2 psychologists and the first suggested to put them in the corner. Seemed a bit arcaic to me but we tried it and we failed. the second thought my son was very interesting to watch but nothing was wrong at all with him. Hmmmm left us a little dumbfounded. I have learned that kids really need to feel like they are contributing to a family unit and feel good about themselves. Sounds kind of weird but i really believe it is true. First of all when your son has a tantrum say this to him. " honey I see that you are upset so i am just going to close the door and let you get it out. When you are done come and join me in the family room and do a puzzle with me or whatever he is into" then close the door and really walk away. It is no fun to tantrum alone and soon he will tire of crying and kicking and screaming and join you in the family room. It really works. I lose my cool all the time with my kids and then i step back and remember i am the parent and they are the child. not that they shouldn't have feelings and opinions but that i am in control and if I lose it then they win that control. Next give him some simple responsibilities like helping to feed the cat. then he feels that he is contributing to the family. it builds good self esteem. reward the good behavior and take away priveleges for the bad. maybe not going to the park that day or whatever. the most important thing to do with him is everyday tell him he is special, good and you love him. Sounds like you already do all of those things already. Good luck!!
Hi M.,
First of all, I agree, this website is amazing!
Okay, my son is only almost 2 1/2, but I've discovered recently when he's hitting his friends and not sharing and not being nice, that I have to completely remove him from the situation to get his attention. He does not like when I do this, but I feel acomplished because he actually gets upset about it which shows me it affects him. I'm hoping he'll realize that this is the consequence for not playing nicely. I then talk to him about what he did, and ask him if he wants to try again playing nicely, and usually he says yes. I then make sure I'm on top of him just watching and waiting for him to act up again, and stop him in his tracks before he throws another punch. I don't know if this helps at all, or if it's the right thing to do, but it's a starting point for me, and it seems to be working for the moment. And I think that's a big part of it... figuring out what works for you guys! He's a little person of his own now, really, so it varies...
Good luck, and happy holidays! ;)
M.
Girls and boys are SOOO different. Thanks for posting this. Now I know that I'm not nuts! I have no answer for you, but do want you to know that you sound like a GREAT mom. :o)
Have a beautiful, and sane, holiday season! Best wishes...
~~J.
I know that some people out there will totally not agree with what I am about to say, but here it goes.
He is a boy. They act different than girls do. I have a 13 year old girl and she NEVER did the stuff my son did at 3 years old. She is now a sassy brat, but aren't they all at 13? Anyway, it should get better when he starts kindergarten!
Wow! I am so glad I am not alone. I have 3 girls who are wonderfully easy children. Then came a boy... Look out!
M., please know you are not alone. I thought I was the only one in the world with a child just like yours and mine. And I agree with a lot of the other moms. I think it's a boy thing. Mine hits me, hits the dogs, knocks down and hits his 11 mo old sister. He's "terribles" started around age 1 1/2 and are still going strong. I hear it calms down around age 4 or 5 so we have a long way to go. I have days where I feel like I could just beat my child (but I don't). He drives me completely bonkers one day and the next is as sweet as pie. Please know you are not alone. My son is 2 1/2 and I'm having the same problems you are. Sorry I have no advice for you. I'm n the same boat. I have no idea what to do. Best of luck M..
Well, all I can say is your not alone. I have a 9 1/2 year old daughter and she was nothing like my 3 year old son. I am going through the same thing with him as we speak. I am just hoping that he will grow out of it.
M., I have a 3 year old son and some days I'm ready to pull my hair out as well. Some girlfriends warned me that 3 would be worse than 2 but I was hoping we'd be spared since he was a handful at 2 but they were so right. I would love to hear strategies as well because we just seem to go round and round on things. Just know that you're not alone and this too shall pass (I hope) before you completely lose your mind.
There is a book I love that might help. The Pocket Parent by Gail Reichlin & Caroline Winkler. You can order it for pretty cheap off of Amazon.
I'm right there with you. My 2.5 yo daughter pushes me for a few days with horrible behavior...then when I'm about to string her up by her toes, she's turns back into her normal angelic self. All we can do is be consistent when they test the boundaries.
Have you tried giving options? Maybe if he feels he's making the choice he's more in control of the outcome? I know 3 is kind of young for this, but it seemed to help mine when they were younger. Mine are now teens.
Maybe he's just testing his boundries. Seeing how far and what he can get away with.
