Help! My 25 Month Old Is Beginning to Hit.....

This sounds funny, but the other day my almost 23month old was getting frustrated and on the verge of throwing something. I told him if he was frustrated he needed to sit on the steps and calm down then come back to play. And he did!! This must have really stuck with him because last night playing blocks whenever the tower we were building fell over he got up and pouted and walked to the steps for a minute and then came back - I gave him hugs and we talked about then went back to playing. This has been fab because now I don't have to send him to timeout for throwing toys at people/the cat when he's upset over something! Don't know if this will help you or not but just an idea. Good luck!

my son loves to hit his pillow when he's mad. you might try that. he was also speech delayed, i feel for you! but now he's the most talkative four year old... so it will get better!

remember that it's ok to feel mad, and he needs to vent his anger somehow, and not bottle it up inside. so that's why we like punching the pillow-- it doesn't hurt anyone but it doesn't suppress his mad feelings.

I don't really have any advice about the hitting but I want to pose a question. Are you 100% sure that he understands everything? The reason I ask is I have a 3, almost 4 year old daughter with severely delayed speech who we had tested this past spring. We thought it was just an expressive problem and that was why she was so frustrated all of the time, but it turned out that her receptive language was just as delayed. It really still is and that leads to a lot of frustration and, at times hitting, tantrums, and other forms of inappropriate behavior. I know I didn't really offer you any advice, but it is something to think about. Good luck!

We got the book "Hands are Not for Hitting" and every time our son hit, we'd sit him on the couch for a timeout and read the book. If he was screaming and crying, we'd just wait until he settled down. I don't know if it worked, or he grew out of it, but he hardly ever hits now.
Make sure whatever he hit about is taken away. Wanted a toy from little brother? Brother gets it or it goes away for the day. Didn't want to do what you told him? He gets his time out and then does whatever it was.
Lastly we make him give a hug and say sorry to whomever he hit.

Here is a simple thing that all kids understand. You HIT you SIT. My son had another 5 year old overnight this past weekend and he accidently hit my son on the back of the head with a book. I made him sit for 5 minutes. Then my son accidently hit him in the nose with his foot. He also got 5 minutes, no further hitting.How do I know it was an accident? cause they said so , and appologized immediately. If he understands simple words like mom dad yes no he will understand no when it comes to hitting. Best of luck to you. (you can also send them to their rooms.)

He may not be able to tell you much but if he understands everything you need to TALK ABOUT APPROPRIATE and ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIORS!!! If you are talking about what is inappropriate, talk about what is appropriate and how he might handle it differently when he's upset, etc.

I start doing this at that age with ALL kids (I'm a teacher, too and have worked EXTENSIVELY with toddlers & preschoolers & still do) They need to have some guidance and alternatives to what they are currently doing. Give HIM the power of choice and help him to understand the consequences of his choices.

Make SURE to talk about emotions...disappointment, anger, frustration, sad, etc. and discuss WHAT is and isn't appropriate in various situations. Have him draw pictures and even MAKE those faces as he gets a bit older. What kinds of things would make you sad? What kinds of things would make you happy? What kinds of things might make you shy?

Trust me on this one. Kids need to understand appropriate emotions. Otherwise, they end up being adults that don't know how to express appropriate emotions!

I just went through the same thing with my 2 year old. He is also speech delayed but understands everything and he was hitting and pushing constantly. There were days when he was just coming out of time-out when he would hit me and go back in. Frustrating times, I know! Within the last month he has started to talk much, much more - he went from about 10 words to lots more and he is repeating words I say (which he never used to do). Remarkably the hitting and pushing has dropped off by the same amount his language has taken off. We were very consistent with time-outs for hitting and encouraging good behavior but I really don't think it was anything we did. I truly believe that he was frustrated in trying to communicate and lashed out. Maybe teaching your son additional signs will help to bridge the gap until he starts to say more words. Good luck, this phase will pass!

Jennifer, I just watched a movie 1-2-3 Magic, I found it at my library. I just started it so I havent seen any big changes yet but everything it talks about makes sense. Good Luck!!

I’m going to take this in a different direction.
I left a corporate career and opened a business when my son was two - initially from my home.

Although I was home- I was not always ‘present’ with my son. Many things steal our time and attention. Women are good at multitasking, but boys (and men) are single minded. They get overwhelmed when there is chaos or many things going on simultaneously. They can only do one thing at a time.

I also believe that the oldest child remembers having Mom ‘all to themselves’ and they can be resentful. The second child is a better sharer of mommy time.

My son did not talk well until he was three- almost four because I am a chatterbox- and frankly, I did not engage him by asking questions and waiting for an answer. That takes a lot of ‘time’ and being ‘present’.

I hope this helps- nothing is more important than the quality of the time we spend. Make a list of priorities- and don’t forget to pencil in time for you- it makes us better moms.
M. G.
A Village- Personal and Spiritual Development Center
P.O. Box 110033, Cleveland, Ohio 44111
###-###-####
www.Avillage.ning.com
www.MarianneGoldweber.com

Welcome to the "terrible twos"! keep being consistant. It sounds like you're doing the right things. Maybe try teaching him more signs and praise him for using them. If language is coming slowly for him signing may help releive the frustration behind much of the bad behavoir.

Good luck and may God bless you as you raise your little boy!

Carol

Hi Jennifer
I went through the same thing with my daughter, but she did not have a speech delayment. I asked her doctor how to handle this behavior, she said simply ignore it. I thought to myself how can ignore it. But let me tell you it worked. He is getting attention from you even though it is negative attention, the time out and all the drauma that comes with it. It was a phase with my daughter, which I would assume is the same case with your son.

I know it will be hard to do but try it, try to ignore his bad behavior if he is not getting any attention I think he will stop it sooner than later. If he tries hitting your little one, simply take the little one to another room and don't give him the satisfaction of being in the same room with you two.

I use timeouts very sparingly in our house. I think because of that I can threaten my daughter with them and she ususally stops her bad behavior. She is turning three this week and all of this really does work for her. Good luck and I hope my advise works for you and your son.

We have a 25 month old that has "all of the sudden" become frustrated at times. Fortunatly, she really hasn't started hitting YET.

And you're absolutely right - it's because there's this communication gap. He's having trouble expressing himself and doesn't know what to do about it.

I've seen "super nanny" version of time outs where she has the parent sit the child in the "time out spot" and say, I'm putting you in time out because you hit, and that's not acceptable." Then after the child has been in time out for 2 minutes, the parent goes and tells the child, "Do you know why you're in time out?" or "You were put in time out because you hit your brother. That isn't nice. You need to say sorry to brother..." then give him a hug and a kiss. And just keep reaffirming "we need to be nice to little brother. He's little isn't he."

Our 2 and 5 year olds have trouble sharing sometimes. You can always tell when the 5 year old is trying to swipe something the 2 year old has because she'll just screach. We've tried to tell the 5 year old, "We know she's playing with your toy, but she doesn't understand that that's your toy because she's too little. Maybe if you tried to trade her another toy for it, she'll be okay."

Sometimes diversion works too. The "Hey, why don't you come over here and play with that." We've tried to tell our oldest that there are times that are better for her to play with her playdough than others...like when the youngest is asleep. Yours might be too young for that yet, but it could be that the 6 month old sleeps enough more than the 2 year old to tell him, "Hey, when brother goes to sleep we can play with that. I know you're frustrated and want to do it now, but brother will be asleep in just a few minutes, okay?"

I have noticed that boys are different than girls though - so I don't know if what's worked for me with my girls will work for you, but for whatever it's worth....

Both of my toddlers went through that stage. My 3 year old just seems to be a bit of a tough guy, and he's just likes to play rough. He has a high pain tolerance and he's very willful, so the regular timeouts and telling him he'll get hurt didn't really help.

I talk to my 3 and 4 year olds about their options. They need to use their words instead of hitting. They can be upset and that's okay. They need to play by themselves, find another toy, talk to an adult to resolve the situation, or something else other than hitting. At this age I think children become very frustrated because they understand so much more but they can't get the words out to express themselves. They lose their patience very quickly and want everything now. I have to remind them to slow down, be patient, use their words, go off by themselves or find something else to do and ask an adult for help.

I count my kids and give them 3 seconds to revert their attention. My child's pre-school teacher asks his students if they are making a good decision. Then he asks what should they be doing. He helps them work through the situation to resolve it. Sometimes asking the child what else they could do and letting them figure out a better way is good so they learn to problem solve at a young age. Often I think they have the answers, but they need adult help to be patient and learn to think things through, find other options and ask for help.

On top of using time out, help him through the frustration and help him vent his feelings appropriately. He is so little and not being able to speak is frustrating on top of not being able to control his outburst yet. Just putting him in time-out without helping him sort out his emotions is not helping him. You already received some great advice on this topic. I am going through the same thing with my son and I got a book called: "Easy to love, difficult to discipline" by Dr. Becky Bailey. She has some really amazing concepts abt helping your child through the "difficult" stuff and still being able to express themselves on top of connecting with your child deeply and teaching your child compassion, honesty, respect, dealing with emotions, etc. While I don't agree with all what she is saying, I have tried some of her concepts and they worked well with my son. It is so much information that I recommend you get the book from the library and check it out. I think you will like it.

My grandson is 28 mos old and started hitting several months ago. He is way ahead in speech and has no problem conveying what he wants. Sometimes he just hits with no reason at all to be doing it.
My daughter is putting him into his bed when he hits. When he hits me, I pretend to cry and be sad so he will know it is hurtful. I also sit him in a chair and not allow him out until he says he is sorry. But he has been hitting for several months. It is getting less and less.
Hitting between siblings is normal until they become adults, but they should not be causing bruising.
Keep scolding and time out. Eventually he will learn.

I admire your determination to curb his inappriate behavior but I have to give you a little unorthodox advice. Punishing him isn't going to help. he isn't committing a crime, he's trying to communicate to you that he has a need that isn't being met. And timeout is an especially ineffective technique despite what Supernanny would have you believe and it's even worse for boys who have different needs than girls. You say his behavior repeats several times a day so the time outs might just be making him more angry. You say his speech is limited so clearly he's using aggression as a way to communicate something. Watch what happens before he hits, maybe there are some clues there. And an invaluable book is "Redirecting Children's Behavior" by Katheryn J. Kvols. It completely changed how I handled situations like you describe and completely changed the dynamic in our house for the better. My children are close in age like yours and my 2 year old became aggressive around the time the little one was about 6 months old because the baby was more active and interfering more with the time and attention I had available for the older one. Maybe that is what your 2 year old is feeling. He had you all to himself for a long time and now he doesn't, but has no idea how to tell you. And I know how hard it is to do it all with two little ones always needing something. Maybe it would help to have the older one participate in the care of the younger one, in whatever way he can. That way he feels part of things too. That's what I did with mine and it helped alot. And like I said, the book gave a whole new perspective on children and how to deal with them and it's worked miracles!!