Help Me Find Something to Keep Me from Being Depressed!!

Since there don't seem to be any moms day out programs, maybe you could start one! It might be an interesting project to plan and put into action and you can accomplish several things at once!

Hi T..
I think you would get a lot out of starting a business at home. I've been working at home for nearly 7 years and love it. I have my own "thing" just for me and still get a very nice income and am home with my 2 kids. I'd love to share more with you. I don't want to get flagged on here for spamming or anything so if you are at all interested, please send me an email for more info.
____@____.com
J.

T. I read all the other posts and they had some great ideas. I also wanted to mention that while you may be at a church where there are older ladies, I wouldn't discount the joy and fun (not to mention the extraordinary wisdom) that these ladies will have. They will love the interaction of your baby and you will find a whole passel of "surrogate" grandmothers, aunts, etc. that will bless your life. As a young woman I was surrounded by older women and I wouldn't trade the experiences because they taught me so much. While you're pursuing the other options, seek opportunities to forge friendships with these seasoned ladies as well. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by all the positive benefits.

BE BLESSED!

I can only speak for myself. But I was thrilled to stay home with my newborn. I started to get antsy and depressed but I could not put my finger on the reason. Then as the months went by...the reason became clear. I am a nurse. It was all I have ever done. I needed to return to work. I struggled with how this joyful time was turning into days of sadness for me. And I knew it was not good for my DD. After much discussion and heart to heart talks with myself and my partner, I returned to work when my daughter was 10 months old. I returned to a job that was not as demanding and had more leeway in terms of time off. But I felt as though someone had lifted the veil off of me. I can truly say it made me a better parent.

I am so sorry. I do understand what you are going through. My husband and I and our 3 year old daughter moved to a tiny town in South Texas several years ago. I too had a very hard time finding things to do. I had to drive to San Antonio to find people My daughther's age. Things have gotten better. I do have several hobbies now, but I have also made friends. Sometimes it is just hard to find the people with children that age. There may be several other moms that feel just like you. Keep looking. Maybe you could call around to the other churches in your area and see if they have young moms that attend that church. Are there any towns not too far from yours that would have a play group?

Try your homeschool community, here in Bryan they do so much for all ages and its great for moms, Moms also get together and crochet while the little ones play. Until then,
pray and have hope AND all will be alright. Here are some ideas until then.
visit
www.youtube.com - type in crochet,scrapbooking,anything that might be appealing to you. Lots of folks sharing fun hobbies. Blessing to you,
Mrs.C

Hi T.. Have you ever considered scrapbooking? It's a lot of fun and you can make memories for your family at the same time. It's a great way to pass the time. Hope this helps.

Hi T.,

When my kids were little, I really enjoyed going to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). If you go to the website and enter your zipcode, you can see the one closest to you. There is also MOMS (moms offering moms support). If you need to drive to get to some other moms with little ones, its worth it! Don't give up the search....

Take care, A.

Try painting or some other art or craft that you find interesting. Then find a similar version for your daughter and you can do it together or even when she is napping.

Where do you live that has none of these things? Do you have access to a car during the day? Have you made friends since your move?

If you have access to a car, take your little one to the mall and walk around. It will get you out of the house and around other people. Let your husband keep the baby 1 afternoon and got get a manicure / pedicure. Attend a "how-to" class at Hobby Lobby, Michaels or Home Depot, depending on what you like. See if there are any at home jobs that you can do while the baby is napping. Get involved in an exercise program that has a daycare for little ones.

You are a preacher's wife. I am a preacher's daughter. your husband has a church, get involved with it. Start your own moms group at the church. That is a good ministry for you to do for yourslef and other just like you. This will get younger people in your church too. God is the BEST drepressed buster cure for you. You need to find a friend to just go walking with--to talk to- NO GOO GOO GAA GAA stuff. When your husband comes home have him bond with your child while you to something just for you--at least once a week.

Hi T.,
Boy can I relate. When my husband was transferred to a large city 4 hrs from where we lived near family and friends, I was devastated. I needed a friend so badly. I prayed for a friend to talk to. Thirty yrs ago, you had to go to the phone store to get a phone for an apt. I met a gal there that as soon as we started talking, it was as if we knew each other a long time. She and I went out to eat when my husband would watch the children and she babysat for our kids so my hubby and I could go on a date. We were fast friends.
Also, do not rule out older people, some of them are as young at heart as you. As I've aged, I have some very dear friends who are 10-25yrs older than me. I dont think of them as older, they feel the same age as me. We go out to eat or get together in each others homes. We gather and share what we've been reading, sewing, or crafting and exchange recipes. God will send you the friends, just ask.

Get out to the mall and walk with her. Join a scrapbook or craft group that will get you out of the house. I know how lonely it is, sorry I could not be of any more help!

T., I'm not sure where your located, but the library here has reading for toddlers at 10 am on Wednesdays. Even though your child is not a toddler, you might could find a local library with this program & take your baby & "just get out of the house". Also you might meet other moms there you could befriend so that you will have friends your age to go & do things with.
Another thought might be, get a part-time job at a daycare where you could bring your baby with you, at least long enough to meet people your age to do things with.
It's great that you are starting a Bible Study! That will help some because you will need to prepare yourself for it & like you said, it will get you out for an hour or so.
One thing you could do to make it last a little longer, is take turns bringing food, & eat afterward. That's what we always did.Maybe some of these older ladies can get their daughters that are your age to come to the bible studies, even if they attend a different church :)
It's tough being in a rural area & not knowing anyone to "hang out with"
Been there, done that!
Best Wishes!

i agree with sue. make friends with the old ladies. youll be supprised by them! i would also try to make it out to kerville or junction, looks like fredricksberg isnt too far. i would make once or twice a month visits. try to find momma groups there so you can make some friends. good luck, keep searching till you find a healthy friendship that willkeep your sprit up! oh and of course you can always pray to God that he puts you with the right friends.

I had a bit of this problem when my oldest was born. It's hard to get out of the house, didn't know anyone in our neighborhood. I made a point of EVERY day having at least one reason to leave the house. Even if it was to drive to the post office. Our mailboxes were in a cluster at the end of the street so I walked every day to get the mail. Your baby is so small that she really can't do anything which makes it difficult to find interaction for the two of you but that will Quickly change!! Look online for Gymboree classes. All 3 of my kids did that- lots of fun for them and it gets you out with other mothers. Also check out a Mother's Day Out group- even if it is at another church. There you will meet moms and other babies. MOPS- Mothers of Preschool Moms-is another good group- usually meetings are held at a local church. There probably are more things out there than you realize- but because you are on your first baby and in a new area- you just don't know where to look. There were MANY days when I felt like everyone else had gotten the "memo" on when to sign their kid up for MDO or that there was a library group-and I was clueless. In fact, the library is another great place-almost all of them have story times that you can go to with your baby. And on a day when I felt isolated, I put that baby in its carrier and went to McDonalds or Chik Fil A and the two of us ate lunch together. There were usually other moms around and even if I didn't meet a new friend I felt like I had been out socializing. Now some of my best friends are the ones that I met at my kid's Mothers Day Out programs. Posting the area that you are in (city)might help get you more suggestions. Good luck!

It's never too early for playdates! Does your local church have a MOPS group? Find one near you here:
http://www.mops.org/
Find some moms in your church with little ones who would want to meet up for lunch once a week, it could even be at your house to save money. Or start a book club with the ladies at your church so you can meet once a week to discuss certain chapters.
And you're right, you should have a hobby! Why not try scrapbooking? I like that much better than just a plain old baby book, I think you can capture so many more memories through a scrapbook!
I'm sure you can find something you love to do and that keeps you busy. Good luck!

Do you go to church? Try a Bible study. A lot of churches have them during the day and they often provide childcare. That would give you an out, with other moms and your little one could go to the nursery.

Try MOPS even.

Hi there T.,

I went thru the same thing. Once I started feeling that couped up feeling I throw her in the stoller and off we went to the mall (when it was to hot outside), I bet I visited every mall around. I walked and walked and walked and spoke to people and sometime just getting out for an hour was all I needed to get it back together.

Also, I'd go to Hobby Lobby and find crafts to do, I found out what I like and didn't like and kept myself really busy.

Good luck,
Deb

Your precious daughter is so young that you are still making adjustments to that. I remember feeling that exact way and asking my mom how she had enjoyed staying home. Now my daughter is 10! It's hard to believe and I can't imagine NOT being at home! But I did take some steps to insure that I wasn't so lonely.

There are several things you can do. It sounds like you need some other mommy friends. So, I would join a local mom's group. I know you said that there were no play groups. Perhaps you can start one? Maybe you can find an online group and make some play dates from that.

I also agree that going to a local Bible Study during the day would help. I used to do this when my own church didn't offer a ladies Bible Study. MOPS is a GREAT program too.

Do you have any hobbies? Join a group that has an interest that you share: Scrapbooking, sewing, quilting, book clubs. Start a new hobby if you don't have one yet! What have you always wanted to do, but never tried yet? I started a garden after one of my children was born b/c I needed to be outside more. I really felt blue and the sun helps keep the blues away. Something about the sun really helps make you feel better. Of course, being outside helps w/vit d.

Exercise! Join a gym. I am sure you will meet other people/moms there and you will elevate your mood as well. Most gyms offer some sort of childcare while you exercise.

I agree that working from home can also be very beneficial. You will be helping other moms, get to talk to other adults, make some extra money, etc. It's a win-win for everyone. You just have to take the time to find something that you are passionate about and go for it!!

As your baby grows, you won't feel so trapped. May you make some lasting relationships. I am sure being a pastor's wife can feel lonely at times, but you will find friends when you become a friend!!

Blessings,
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
http://www.HealthySelfs.com
http://www.4MyChildrenSake.com

Hi T.. I would agree with what everyone has said about getting to the mall and walking and learning to do crafts. I take my 3 month old son to the mall a lot. He loves riding in his stroller and is calmer than he is at home, and it's col from the air conditioning. I also knit, sew, cross stitch, and other crafts. Check out craftgossip.com and my mama made it. You can work on decorations for halloween, early Christmas gifts, whatever. How about a cooking class or something at your local adult school?

You already have some awesome suggestions but may I add reading or audio books (books on CD). Maybe you could take a cooking class or take music lessons? Scrapbooking is great and if you are more into using computers, try digital scrapbooking. There has to be at least one person in the church you could share an activity with. Invite someone over for tea!

T., your question really touched me. That was me back when my first son was born. The biggest thing for me was finding other moms, like-minded moms, moms who would support and encourage me (versus criticize everything I did).

Plus don't keep yourself away from your doctor (general or ob/gen) about an anti-depressant. I remember getting myself all worked up about being a good mom, worried so much, that I was a mess. The anti-depressant helped.

Good luck! All your questions are good questions and show you care and are a good mom!

T.,
Find a Mother's Day Out at a local church. They are ususally only one day a week and give M. a chance to "have a break" while their little one is getting good, safe care. I have found these to be more prevolent in Methodist churches. I realize that your husband is a pastor, which can put you in a lonely place. Perhaps start a Bible study or womens prayer group during the day and have a few of the older members babysit so stay-at-home moms can have a time to socialize or do a ministry project. One of our local churches does a weekly noon luncheon for men and women, the pastor does a mini-sermon, childcare is provided. It's a breath of fresh air in the middle of a busy work week. Once the weather cools, put the baby in the stroller and go for a walk, stop and talk with neighbors who are out. Of course the exercise is good, but so is the fresh air and sunshine, and the opportunity to get to know your neighbors!

Take up a musical instrument. Either practice on your own - using UTube/internet to guide you, or find someone in your area that can give you lessons.

Take up sewing/crocheting/knitting/etc.

Try out different things until you find the one that thrills you and you are good at. Then, you will look forward to doing that thing every chance you get. You will appreciate having a hobby that you love when you have more children and again when they all leave you. It will become a peaceful thing for you that you run to.

You might even find that you are crafty enough to sell the stuff locally - or at the markets that hit all those towns near you each month.

Volunteer at the local school(s) if you can find a sitter.

Visit nursing homes and assisted living homes and take your baby with you. They will LOVE seeing that baby and you will be ministering to them as well.

And, if you have a car, then I would take one day a week and drive that hour to another town to do something. Walk the mall, go to garage sales, go shopping at Goodwill/Walmart (wherever you would like and can afford), or other things that town would have to offer that you would like to do. Maybe choose to do something different each week. There are several state parks in your area - buy a pass - and go. It looks like there are several towns within an hour from you. Choose different towns/cities to visit once a week. Come to San Antonio - we can meet for lunch! And, get your own town's tourist info and make sure to visit everything it has to offer.

Kudos on starting the Bible study. I hope it takes off. Don't get discouraged. Sometimes these things can take time. But, good for you for taking the initiative.

See if there are any ladies in town that would like to get together for walks (exercise). You don't have to be best of friends, but getting together to go walking (baby in stroller) will be good to combat depression as well as physical health. Meeting several will hold you accountable and you will go more often than not. Be willing to get hot and cold - it's good for you and especially good for your mental health - and your baby can handle the weather. (They are not as fragile as we think they are.)

Look around you, a little farther even, and see what is needed. Then, try your best to fulfill that need (spiritual or physical).

T.:

Without having read all the responses, I would like to offer some suggestions.....I hope I am not repeating too many others.....I am not sure what part of town you live in, but these are some ideas that I am aware of in our area.

1. The local library usually has story times and things. As your child grows, this helps you grow with her. And, you can learn things to continually re-introduce to her.

2. In our town, the local community center offers all kinds of craft classes, exercise classes, etc. for either free or a small donation (usually not more than $5.00 I think), so this is a way to stimulate your mind and/or hers too.

3. Volunteer......once your child is old enough to attend Mother's Day Out, maybe you could volunteer at the local elementary school....this is a great way to get to know the staff and teachers that your child will be amongst once she gets to that age (and it will be here before you know it!). This is also a way to get to know other moms who possibly have a child the same age as your daughter, or therabouts. Of course, you may be able to work in the teachers lounge while you have your baby with you.....I did this when my son was 2..... I just took crayons and paper and he colored while I made copies for the teachers.

4. Working out at the gym....gym memberships or even a YMCA membership....are available with childcare.....this is another great way to stay healthy, give you a little "me time" and possibly meet some other moms.

Good Luck!

We started a group called Story Time Hour (we are taking a break currently). We were meeting once a week and we would read to our babies. Mainly it was started to get us moms out of the house and gave us somewhere to be once a week. Once a week we would be able to have grown up conversations. Our church has a lot of babies but maybe you could reach out to your community. One thing I started noticing is that stay at home moms are lonely. At the store or at the park there is usually a mom that is eager to strike up a conversation. That is why we started the group. We moms needed it way more then our babies.

All of us new moms have struggled with being a stay at home mom. Do you stay in touch with friends or family by telephone? That helps me. In church I have always heard the expression "die to your self" being a mom has taught me that like no other situation in my life. Paul wrote about learning to be content in all situations. You are a mom and that is the best job in the world. To raise your baby daughter to be a Godly woman is a huge and awesome accomplishment. The Bible study is great. When my baby was little and sometimes I still will just go hang out at the church and do any thing they need. When I just have to get out it gave me somewhere to go that was air conditioned (we live in south Texas also) The secretary and I have became good friends.

Do you do crafts or sew? During nap time or late at night sometimes I will make something and then I have something tangible to look at and know that I accomplished something. It might just be a few baby hair bows but it is something to do and I can see the results.

Your baby is still very young but as she gets older she will keep you very busy. My daughter is 14 months now and she is all over the place. It is never dull around here anymore. For things to do I just try to be creative. Even if I just drive to the store and get something for us both to drink and then we go home and enjoy our beverages over some gold fish we had an adventure and we got out of the house.

I hope some of this helps. If you are interested in talking to another mom you are welcome to contact me directly. It helps me to talk to other moms.

I hope you enjoy your new Bible study and your little baby daughter. May God richly bless you.

hello there! I am actually a sahm myself my husband is in the military and we have a 2 year old son. I know it's hard being home alone with baby all day. If you are in the Waco area shoot me an email. I like to get out and go walking around even if it means lookie shopping ..lol! I also take my son to the library sometimes they have little kiddie shows for the little ones.. there are tons of neat websites like this one and whattoexpect.com where you can communicate with mommies with baby's in the same age group. If you have time, you can also register with www.mypoints.com and take online surveys and get paid or if you do alot of online shopping, once you've racked up enough points you can redeem for gift cards. On the hot days I usually take my son to the mall and walk around if it's not to hot we might try gardening (even if it means he sits in his stroller right next to me) I read to him, dance with him and if I can find a small enough violin I am hoping to get him started playing soon. There are alot of mommy day out programs out there maybe you can check with your local church and see if there are any groups or studies you can go to...If you are ever interested in hanging out please email me back! ____@____.com

Hi T.,

I can completely relate to your situation! I quit my full time job as a social worker to stay home with my new baby girl 23 years ago. I quickly became depressed and felt isolated, even thought I ADORED her and loved taking care of her. I began to work a few hours in the evening when my husband came home from work to have interaction with other adults.
In time you will adjust to being home with her. Previous posters have given you great advice about finding Mom's groups or play groups.
This time with your baby speeds by and is so valuable to her AND to you. I hope you find some social contacts soon! Enjoy your wonderful baby!

Good luck!
D.

Hi! I went through a minor version of this. I started taking my son to Kindermusik and started a playgroup and that is just what I needed. Gets us out of the house and benefits us both hugely. You can look online for playgroups in your area or just start your own. Highly recommend! Blessings...

Hi T.,
Well, you have taken the first step- asking for help! Bless you- a Bible class will do you some good as well as the others.
Shopping at the mall is not the answer either- spending money lol
and it has been too hot to get outside much- and it is perfectly natural for you to feel cooped up.
don;t get sucked into Tv- that can be a horrible habit to break- even if all you watch are the cooking shows (I love them)....soon it will be cooler- get hubby to get you a patch ready for some gardening (if you like to play in the dirt) that is great thearpy.
also, there are some great work from home opportunities out there- pm me and I will tell you about the christian based work from home company I am with........You don;t need a "second career" but a little extra cash can't hurt.
do you sew? maybe take some sewing classes and you can learn to make lots of great things for your little girl......
Good luck and blessings

I know you have gotten tons of advice just wanted to encourage you a little. Just give it time. I know you want to climb the walls now but it really does get much better. I have been a christian for awhile and for several years before I got married I was on the mission field and then served in various roles in my church so my life was so crazy busy! So as a pastor's wife I bet you can relate. Then everything comes to a screeching halt and it's just you and this tiny little person and you wonder what in the world to do with yourself! I never had a lot of luck with mom's groups but as time has gone by I have just adjusted to being a mom of a little one and have learned to embrace this new way of life. I think the lady's bible study sounds great:) I wish you all the best and just remember that you are control of your spirit and you are doing one of the most amazing jobs in the world. You are an unsung hero and one day your awesome works will be honored for all to see:) Congratulations on your new baby!

Could you start a playgroup in your area? I'm sure there are other moms in the same boat. Start a meetup group or yahoo group for stay at home moms and advertise. (Of course play it safe and don't trade personal info before meeting them in public. )

Is there a local library? See if they have storytimes or family events, that can be a place to meet people.

Is there a YMCA or gym with childcare you could join? I know moms who swear going to the gym saved their sanity.

Here's another person recommending MOPS! The website shows there is one in Kerrville. I will be worth the drive. The moms in my MOPS group were my salvation when my kids were babies. Staying home with a baby is a blessing but it can be lonely. I would count the days until I could go back to MOPS. That is how fulfilling it was. It was great to be with people who shared my faith and my values.

I still keep in touch with some of my MOPS friends all these years later. Also, I would see if there is another preacher's wife near you. People don't realize how difficult it is to be a preacher's wife. There are different boundaries, expectations, etc. Better to find close friends outside of your congregation.

Go to the park in the morning and see if any other moms come. Keep going back. As the weather starts cooling down, you will find more moms. That is how our kids' playgroup got started. It lasted for years.

Also, look into visiting some elderly and shut-ins. They love it when you bring a baby! I was asked to join a group of ladies who did that. We would bring coffee, muffins and a devotion. Nothing brings you out of a depressed state better than when you can bring sunshine into another person's life.

Enjoy these days! You are blessed!

I know exactly how you feel! I attended a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group for several years with my first son. He was about 6 months when we started. It was so helpful because I connected with other moms and the sessions were helpful. There was food, fellowship and gave me a boost. they usually meet at a local church and meet twice a week. God bless.

I am involved in Threads of Love where we crochet blankets for the preemie babies in the hospital in NICU. We started it in our church and we only get together twice a month. Maybe you could start something like that in your church. Check out http://projectlinus.org I think that's the correct website. My prayers are with you.

where do u live? there's gotta be something for u!! check for "mom's club" and 'mops"

T. you've gotten a lot of great suggestions, but I have one more. I have a business that I run from my home. It's very rewarding because I'm contributing to the finances of my household, while still being available to my special-needs son. The best part is that my business is one that improves the quality of people's lives, both with their health and with their finances. As I said, it's very rewarding. If you are interested in learning how you can do this too, please contact me via Mamasource and I'll be happy to email you some information so you can see if it interests you.

B.

Hi there T.,

I know what you mean! It doesn't mean that you are ungreatful or anything like that...it's normal that you may feel the way you do believe me coming from a long line of females with PPD!!! I didn't get it quite as bad as my mother, poor thing she had it something aweful...straight to your answer...walking helps but yes it's too hot!! I get bored easily as you could probably tell by my bio I try to keep myself busy for exactly the same way you are feeling and to feel like i am productive even though being a mom is a HUGE responsibility we cannot do the same thing for 24 hours!!! No matter how much you love something e.g., chocolate cake one cannot eat it allll day long we will get tired of it :)...so we have to break up the monotony...try registering with ChaCha or KGBKGB it's an online text messaging service and you get paid for it...even if you don't need the money it keeps you busy for a while...or if you have a masters you could teach online for a community college heck or even do it in person in the evenings when your husband gets home? THere is also some freelance websites if you like to write as a creative outlet that helps me I just started that too on Helium, my screen name there is Blew Skeyes, writing helps me get my mind off of things and because i have been busy looking for a job these past few weeks i haven't written very much, but there is a lot of reading material on there , it's great for me...YOu could also do some editing for companies, etc. Also, if your husband can watch the baby sign up for some classes of your liking? I am going back to get a teacher's certification just to be more marketable...This whole motherhood thing is a HUGE adjustment process and sometimes it takes a while to feel like you can breathe again...my son just turned one and i stopped the BF and it felt great!!!!!!! LIke someone turned me free!!!! not completely but a lot let me tell you!!! I will pray that this season is a short one for you God Bless you and take care! Blew Skeyes

One thing that popped into my mind when I was reading your posting, is recruit some of those wonderful "instant grandmas" that go to your husband's church to help you with babysitting. Then, plan at least one day a week where you can go to the mall, go get a manicure or pedicure, even go to a movie (if there's anything decent showing!!). Take some time for yourself--even if it's going to the library and reading for a couple of hours. You'll be amazed at how refreshed you feel after a little quiet time away.

You didn't mention in what city you live. If you are in Houston, I could probably give you some names and numbers of Moms' groups, playgroups, etc. There are several churches in my area (northwest Houston) that have Bible studies that include childcare. This would be a wonderful place to start--AND it would give you something to fill your time while you are at home with the little one (I'm talking homework, here!)

Feel free to send me a note if you need some input.

Blessings,
S.