Congratulations on working on your sobriety. It is the best gift you can give yourself and your family.
I do not know you or your relationship with your child and his mother.. So what I will write is about my personal experience.
I am a child of an alcoholic. A scary one. Lots of yelling, spanking, erratic behaviors. We never knew if it was going to be a "good day" or a "bad day".
Also the divorce was terrible.. My father told us he did not want o hear anything about our mother.. So what were we supposed to talk about. We lived 90% of the time with our mother. My mother was not perfect either.. But at least she was stable.
And yet we saw how he treated her all of those years. But we loved our father. But we were always waiting for all of his behaviors to resurface.
As a teenager the other part was that we were very active with school. We were into sports, clubs.. all sorts of activities, and my father did not want to waste his time with us on this other "stuff". He NEVER met our friends, he would get upset if we wanted to go and participating activities, instead of spending that time with him..
It made US feel guilty, for wanting to do what teenagers do.. There is a lot of guilt for the child all of the tie. We love our parents, but at this age, we are interested in ourselves. But we knew he would be pissed if we were honest.. So we sucked it up and missed out on activities we really, really wanted to participate in.. Grudges.. yes, because instead of being able ot do these fun things with his blessings, we were just staying in his apt watching TV.. Or maybe going to do something HE thought was fun..
The other thing 4 months, is not very long.. My father could hold it together for a few months almost a year and then have relapse. T., my father did not finally get sober and admit he not only was addicted to alcohol, but also pot until he was in his 60's..
It took my father writing his letter and promising, he had learned, In his letter, he mentioned all of the things that he had done and how sorry he was. He gave specifics.
Then he called and said he wanted to meet with me alone to talk.. When we met he asked what things still bothered me that had not been mentioned in his letter that were still bothering me. So I told him. Again he was so sorry. It was all very emotional.
I told him I forgave him, but would not be able to trust him for a while.. I needed to make sure he was gong to live this "new life" he said he was leading. There were more conversations and many more apologies as he began to recall more things..
Finally I told him.. I have now forgiven you, please do not apologize any more, instead I need you to just continue to be a good person. And that is what he has done.
Now my sister on the other hand, has never forgiven him. Has only contacted him when she wants something or needs something from him.. She has banned us from her kids, but will allow us to give them gifts and money.. and Now even expects us to give them cash for their birthdays etc, but not to contact them.
A few weeks ago, I received these awful texts she was sending our father, they were so vile, I became so upset, I had to go to bed. I told my father, that she is now the one with the problems.. He has been such a wonderful father and devoted Grandfather and I am so sorry, that my sister is so selfish and outright mean.. The 3 of us have gone to counseling together, and this is when we realized, her memories of our lives, is so warped compared to the truth,,
And so after all of this.. My advice.
Send him a heartfelt letter. Be honest about how you feel. But also be honest you probably do not remember everything that you did that hurt your son and his mother.
Let him know you understand he needs time to gather his own feelings and thoughts. But when he is ready, you would love for the two of you to get together and have a heart to heart and if it would make him feel better, you are even willing to go to family counseling.
You must make him feel safe. Safe to say anything and everything he wants and needs to be able to say.. Also as a parent you need to let him know, you will always, always love him. No matter what happens that can never change.
I am sending you strength. Keep up the good work..