HELP - Lazy and Nasty Teen Habit

Take her to the gynecologist. My friend just did this to her 15 yr old daughter because she didn't want to use anything but wadded toilet paper, and she'd had her period for well over a year. Her daughter was pretty upset about having to go. However, my friend found a very nice, patient female gynecologist and explained the situation in advance. The doc prepared a really large goodie bag for her full of samples and pamphlets. My friend was really at the end of her rope, too, and this was the only alternative she could think of. After talking to the gyne, she learned that her daughter was really anxious about talking about her period, asking for tampons or pads, or even using them for fear of people knowing, finding out at school, etc. She had been hiding things out of shame and it had been a constant battle between mother & daughter. After hearing it from an actual doctor, though, she was more at ease and they haven't had ANY problems since....and that was late last summer. Good luck. Remember, it can be an incredibly hard time for girls.

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I would tell her she was going to have to go talk to someone, and start with her doctor, if she didn't start taking care of that immediately! The swimming thing is GROSS! That impacts other people! She needs to realize this isn't something that's just her choice -it's socially unacceptable for her to be bleeding everywhere.

I got to thinking about this, and I remember being terrified to carry feminine hygiene products with me to school in my purse or backpack. I don't know why exactly, but I vividly remember being so nervous about someone seeing them? I would use the same pad all day, which would inevitably soak through, usually not through my clothes, thank God, but definitely to my underpants. One would think that the fear of leaking through your clothes would be far greater than being "caught" with products in your purse, but I remember never taking anything to school for that reason. Really irrational, isn't it? I don't know why I had such anxiety about that, I don't remember my mom talking to me much about it. Maybe that's why I was so secretive about it. I don't know. She did buy my products, and she wasn't adverse to talking about it, but I avoided it. I can't explain it.

I know this doesn't really help you, except that you might at least find that there can be some legitimate anxiety about the issue, irrational as it is, and that it might not be laziness, but something more?

I would take her to the doctor (gyne) and explain the issue ahead of time. Be sure to choose a gyne that is patient and open about this, as you surely don't want to cause her any more anxiety that could make the problem worse.

Good luck... I know that must be really frustrating and gross... :(

Does she have any other symptoms of OCD? Lax personal hygiene can be a sign of OCD.

Otherwise, I'd get her a holder for pantiliners, tampons and pads to carry in her purse/backpack and a few Ziplocks to carry home soiled undies. She can then launder them herself.

I think she just doesn't want to deal with it. Maybe by ignoring it she hopes it will go away. Not everyone welcomes growing up. I wouldn't worry about blood in the pool. Chlorine kills off pert near everything. Wearing a tampon in the pool might make you think it's all internal, but the tampon still gets soaked and it's no water proof seal for keeping the blood from the water. You provide her with supplies. She knows where they are and how to use them. Let her handle it. If she bleeds right through her jeans, it will be her problem - let her deal with it and let her deal with any embarrassment that happens. Don't go bringing her fresh changes of clothes. Hopefully she knows how to wash out blood stains - they don't always wash out if you don't wash them out right away. Let her work out her own solutions to it. I imagine her bed sheets get bloody too. Some people have to learn things the hard way. There is no saving them from it.

Stop rescuing her from her embarrassments by bringing her clean clothes.

I suspect there is a combination of vanity and uncomfortableness, as well as embarrassment going on. Consider some counseling for her and you together.

I think you're probably dead wrong that it is laziness.

She's either really disgusted with it to the point of dysfunction, or having issues with discomfort with tampons and embarrassment about pads, or something else.

Tell her that if she can't get it under control, you need to pull her from the swim team for other people's safety. And then otherwise, let her suffer the consequences of her own choices. Tell her you won't buy her more underwear because she's soiling them like this, you aren't running more clothes to school for her, and she needs to figure this out for herself.

And then both of you go to a counselor and bring it up with them and let them work on her and whatever is going on beyond her belief that you will bail her out when she wants it.

That said, I would suggest making some of her options the bleach free products that you have to go to a health foods store to get sometimes. The chemicals they use in tampons and pads in most major brands used to make me really nauseated when combined with the smell of the blood. It may be that she has something like this going on that isn't even obvious to her but just making her feel "ug" about the available solutions.

Possibly, also, if there is a female teacher she likes, you could help her arrange to have some spare feminine hygiene products stored with the teacher so that she doesn't have to carry them around and worry about the humiliation of other kids seeing them if that might be a factor for her.

Also, be careful about assuming that she isn't bleeding through or past some of these products. I have tampons and pads both fail and soil underwear all the time during the heavy parts of my cycle. She might bleed more than you realize.

first i would make sure she isn't having problems with her period like bleeding or spotting inbetween her cycle. i remember when i was young and having problems. i would start spotting when i didnt expect it and soil underware and then it would stop a few hours later and i wouldn't need a pad so i would take it off and then a day or so later it would happen again. If this isnt a problem and it is just laziness then i agree w dawn and don't take her clothes if she soils hers and talk to the school nurse and counsler and explain what is going on. Have a conference w them w your daughter present. maybe then it will get through to her.

Does she have any other problems? Emotional ones? You say you got custody of her 5 years ago. Did something happen to her before that? This sounds like she is having some kind of emotional problem and is denying it is happening.

I don't think humiliating her by making her spend the day in bloody clothes is the way to go. Anyone having any problems doesn't need to be ridiculed or ostracized. Yes, she should do clean-up herself when she gets home, and something needs to be done. I just don't think intentional humiliation by one's parent is usually the answer.

Honestly, I would have her speak to a doctor and maybe even a counselor. I feel rather sorry for her. If discipline and restrictions aren't working, maybe there is something else going on? Just a thought.

Best wishes to both of you.

Does she carry a purse? I would have her keep them in her purse all the time. Is she embarrassed to have them with her? She could have been teased at school or something for having them. Another idea is to keep a calander for her to keep track of her periods, so she knows when to expect them. It is probably just irresponsibilty and she doesn't think about it.
I have my own issues with a teenage boy who throws used qtips on the floor. GROSS! I flip out over it. It does no good.

why did you take her clean clothes to school?? I would have left her to wear the blood stain all day peer pressure works wonders and gets through faster than mommy and daddy. :)