Help!! I'm Being Held Hostage!!

Hi P. -

I hate to tell you this, but often, requests such as yours from mothers that dont believe in letting them cry it out get very few responses. Its very difficult for most mothers to hear their children scream while sleep training, but even your pediatrician will agree that letting a child cry it out does far more good than it does harm, is a tried and true method, and is ALWAYS more painful for the mother than it is for the child.
Since you have allowed your child to sleep in bed with you and nurse nonstop for nearly a year now, getting him to sleep in his own room is going to be very difficult. Since he is nearly one, he does not physically need the calories from your breastmilk, so it is very physically possible for him to go without. He just nurses through the night because you allow him to, and because he is used to it. But it wouldnt be fair to wean him AND make him sleep in his own room all at once: one thing at a time. Here is what I would suggest (and did it with my own child when she was 2 or 3 months old): work on getting him in his own room first. Does he nap there? Make it clear to him that, at bedtime, he gets to sleep in his own bed - put his favorite toy in the crib with him, put a nightlight on in the room, or get one of those music and light crib toys that attach to it (my daughter still uses hers at 14months). Try putting him to bed later than usual so that he is good and tired, and more likely to fall asleep - and gaurenteed, he will cry, perhaps for a long time. But the only way to get a 1 year old to sleep in their own room is to allow them to cry it out. He is still too young to explain to and reason with him why he should sleep in his crib: as I have learned in my life as a mother, and before I had children as a child psychologist and teacher, letting them cry teaches them that its okay to express emotion, but that you are in control of the situation. It will teach him to be more self reliant, and know that he CAN deal with his own emotions without needing mommy, or the breast. It truly, TRULY is not harmful for a child. If he wakes up a few times a night to breastfeed, go in and breastfeed him, then put him back in his crib. They key is to BE CONSISTANT: you may have to endure the crying for a few days, but I promise you that it will work. If you give in to his crying, even once, you have lost any progress you would have made.
As far as the weaning, do it slowly as he tolerates it. Its okay if he continues to nurse now and then up until he is 18 months old. Once he sleeps through the night in his own room, the weaning will be much easier for everyone involved.
I could write a ton more, but I will leave it at that. Please email me if you have and questions or concerns.

K.

Hi P.,
when my son was your age I followed the advice of Dr. Jay Gordon
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
I am a firm believer in co-sleeping and nursing our babies, and it is possible to wean them in a gentle way.
My son is almost 4, decided to sleep in his own bed on his own. Stopped nursing during the night, before he was 2.
Most of the time when they are co-sleeping it is just a habbit to use Mommy as an all night bar.
Since we co-slept, when my little one would awake in the middle of the night, I would not turn towards him unless he started to fuss, most of the time my husband would place his hands on his tummy and he would fall back asleep. If he did fuss, I would nurse him, I made it a time between 11 and 4am not to nurse inless he started to get up set.
It took time, there wasn't any crying it out.
Nursing has solved many issues with us through the tough toddler stages.
I applaud you for nursing this far!
I would work on the night weaning while you are still co-sleeping.
Give him extra attention during the day, like add a special reading time, this will make up for the "bar" being closed.
I had my son's toddler bed mattress on our bedroom floor for a while, when ever he would fall asleep (after he was night weaned) we would place him on his mattress. This helped transition him into his own room I believe, one night he asked to start sleeping in his own room. We were shocked and it was hard for me the first 2 weeks, but he did it all on his own. It was hard for me because I missed him.

I went thru the same thing with my son. It's REAL hard to ween a baby. I started when he turned 1 and it took until 3 weeks before his second birthday! I suggest starting now. Get him into "real food" mash bannanas, avacodos, sweet potatoes, rice with cream of mushroom or cream of chicken soup. My son cried for nursing and it was real hard but after he stopped he was fine. :) I also pumped my milk and mixed it with rice cereal and he like that too. GOOD LUCK!!! It's hard but if you went thru child birth you can do this too!! :)

I had the same problem with my son, who didn't wean until 14 months. He slept in my bed until he was about 9 months old, and he'd suck all night just for comfort. We did end up letting him cry it out, even though it killed me to do so, because nothing else worked. Strangely enough, he cried for a couple nights, then he was fine in his own bed. I think he was ready to sleep on his own too. One thing that really helped us was playing music in his room while he slept. He still sleeps with his music and he's now 4. I know it seems awful to let your baby cry, but it might surprise you how easily he adjusts to sleeping in his own room. Good luck!