Help! I Want to Wean My 1 Year Old from the Breast!

While she's teething is not the time to cut her off cold turkey!

She is going thru a lot at the moment. Very common for little ones to start waking and screaming at around the year mark. My son(who was a champ sleeper) did it. I did some research and found that it is very common because they begin at that age to realize there is more to the world and they don't want to miss out. It passed soon enough and he was back to sleeping.

Let her get thru the teething and try again.

I also found that once they were older it was very difficult to have the crib in our room. Once they were in a different room they slept much better.

Check out the book No-Cry Sleep Solution. She talks about co-sleeping and nursing her baby who was about your little ones age and how they all were able to get a good night's sleep.

I feel like I wrote this! I am going through the same exact situation...I haven't nursed in the day for 3 months but can not get my son who is also just over a year old, off the breast at night. I have let him cry for weeks, often for 2 hour stretches (40 minutes of crying, then I would go in and stroke his back and get him to lie back down in his crib only to have him stand up again the second I leave). He IMMEDIATELY goes back to sleep with in 3 minutes if I feed him, and I know for certain that he is not getting much milk at all. He is starving when he wakes up at 5:30am, despite waking up 3 times to nurse. He absolutely refuses a sippy cup at night, may take a few sips of water but milk, no chance. I want to wean because he is clearly is not getting what he needs from me...and besides I am ready. And to say I am sleep deprived is putting it mildly. He has never slept through the night, so we are going on well over a year without sleep for me. Sorry, I have no answers for you, just wanted you to know that you are not alone and if anyone has any insight, I would be most appreciative as well!! '

I agree with what a few others said. Yes, she technically is using you as a pacifier--while that's a pain in the butt and inconvenient, it's totally normal, and that's what parents are for. Babies don't have the coping skills yet to self-soothe all the time, especially when they are going through things like teething.
I think the best and easiest way for both of you is to wean gradually. I've heard the idea of the sippy cup of water in bed at night--hopefully that will work for you. Good luck. Unfortunately there will be setbacks, but it will happen.

I'm still breastfeeding because it works for me and you are right, it is so easy just to do it to comfort your little one but it is not the best option for everyone. I think the suggestion to limit the time gradually is a great idea. Personally, I think that harshly imposing change "cold turkey" purely to meet adult needs is wrong. Both your needs and the needs of the baby can be addressed by gradually and consistantly introducing change.

FWIW, my DD also started waking in the middle of the night and wanting to nurse around the time she turned one. She stopped doing that for several months but now her molars are coming in and she wants to nurse in the middle of the night again. I think that this is normal and you can expect phases like this to come and go until all of her teeth are in. Best of luck with the weaning. It will take time and may be difficult but you and your little one will get through it! These kinds of challenges sure do help us learn about ourselves and our limitations don't they (& we are damn glad when it's all over--LOL!)

She is totally pacifying on the breast. Cut her cold turkey. She's more than old enough to hold a cup and tip it back to drink. Offer this and only this. Do not give her the breast. You will go through some tough times but look what happened when you gave in. It sounds like she really needs a room of her own. Is there a way to start saving and planning for a move? Until then, it sounds like your best bet is to sleep on the couch, or get a fouton to use as a couch and bed. This too shall pass. Be patient!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I can't offer a lot of advice since my older two quit on their own at 8 and 10 months and my two year old would rip at my shirt and try to tear his boo out with a vengance. Only in the last six months has he gotten to the point where he's ok without it, though he still comes to me time to time for a quickie snack. He is fierce in loving the boo and I've got to be careful about not changing in front of him or he'll go after me. He's even worse than my nephew was about wanting it and that child LOVED his boo. Pacifiers, sippy cups, letting him cry it out? HA! I've gone hours with only a brief consolement both at night and at nap to try to get him to give up the boo and it didn't work. Sippy cups and pacifiers only made him angrier.

What has worked for me was allowing him to nurse when he wanted, at first, but to limit the time. If he'd normally nurse for 10 minutes on each side, I'd allow five on each side then cut back a little at a time. It got to the point where a few "sips" on each side made him happy. When he was getting to the point of nursing only for a minute or so on each side, I cut out all nursing except for right before naps and bedtime. Not easy but I would use a lot of distractions and hope he forgot. I started replacing the boo with other things. Like singing a song to him before every nap and bedtime. I always sing Dream A Little Dream and will repeat his favorite part to him. This only works for sleeping though. Routine has helped GREATLY with my son, so giving everyone a kiss goodnight, getting his song, then making sure his animals and whatnot are lined up just right for sleeping. That's become his "pacifier" in one sense.

Saying "bye bye boo" also helped a lot. He understands the finality of it. Now he's to the point where he wants to lay his on my breast and he will try to sneak a sip but at least he's finally sleeping through the night and my breasts are pretty much their own.

Also, finding a two bedroom apartment or giving up your room for her will probably be a HUGE help. Tristan rarely slept through the night when we shared a room, even when I draped a cloth over his crib tent so he couldn't see me. The little bugger KNEW when I was there and no matter how quiet I was, he'd often wake up within 10 minutes of me going to bed. It was something we had to deal with until we bought our house and everyone could have their own room. After we moved, Tristan started sleeping through the night after a few weeks. Not regularly but it did eventually come. So for over two years, I basically had the same sleeping schedule as the mom of a three month old. Up every few hours. If you're tired or tense, babies sense that and then that makes them want to cling to you (or the boo) even more.

Also, being gone and I mean OUT OF THE HOUSE when it's time for your daughter to go to bed might help. If she knows you're in the other room, this will NOT work. At least not for my son. He was no fool. But being gone and letting his dad or brothers lay him down for bed or nap and staying gone for a good half hour after also helped some. Still didn't solve the problem but it helped him to learn to not depend on it and minimized the number of times he came after me in a day.

I used to think that if you want to quit nursing, you just stop and keep the breast away from the child and redirect their tantrums or wait them out but that did NOT work with my son. And I am NOT one of those moms who always gives in. I'm known as the tough mom or the "mean Aunt Angie" as my sis-in-law jokes because I'd lay down the law with all the kids, including hers. Some kids aren't going to take no when it comes to boo and like it or not, it's easier to appease the child than to have a battle with an angry octopus inside your shirt or listen to a screaming child for hours on end who doesn't care about the kind of comfort you're offering if it isn't nursing. Sometimes you've got to pick your battles and find out what's most important to you.

It can be extremely frustrating when you just want your body back but cutting down on the frequency and the allowed time to nurse when she does and then trying to enjoy that special bond that only comes with nursing because soon enough it'll be over. And if she's your only one or your last one, you'll look back and sigh over the tender moments long gone.

Good luck!

My baby just turned a year and also started waking at midnight and I started breastfeeding him at a time which he hasn't needed for months! When I feed him, he falls right back to sleep, but you and I both know that a baby of that age does NOT NEED anything at night and should be able to sleep through the night, which my baby was doing until recently. I agree that your baby is using you as a pacifier, which my baby is also doing, but in your case, she may not want to give up nursing during the day so if you're depriving her during the day, she may be waking at night for it. I understand your decision is made, but it may take her some time to get used to it. My baby is my third and I want to continue breastfeeding as long as I can and he'll let me- about four times a day right now which I'm happy to do, but at night- that night waking is unneccesary, so I would leave plenty of pacifiers in her crib - she's old enough to move around and find one, put in her own mouth. I did that for my first two. A suggestion that I got from a friend who wanted to wean her son was given by her doctor- she was told to give the baby a bottle with water at that hour, perhaps leave it in his crib and soon night after night, he stopped waking. Either way, I agree you cannot go on with interrupted sleep. Let her cry if you have to once you know she's fine, not sick or temp. My baby is teething too- all the time, but he's not going to interrupt my sleep and if I let him cry, it's a few minutes and he goes back to sleep, happy as pie in the morning. Good luck!