Help I Need Advise! Mom and Dad Cant Seem to Get on Same Page!

HI A.,
I would suggest recognizing that it is a game your husband is playing and do not join in. YOur son is 4 old enough to know some things. So when you enter a game with him (the 4 year old) say " I do not play with people who don't follow the rules." Or I only play with people who play fair." so if you do not play fair I will simply get up and leave. Then if he cannot correct a 'cheat' or 'mistake' simply get up and leave reminding him of the deal.
You of course must allow he is only 4 and somethings don't appear to a 4 year old as cheating (you know when he is operating under a deceitful manner)
One more thing you may be helped with a book called "Thriving despite a difficult marriage." by Mike Misja
Good luck
C. W
LiveTotalWellness.com/Arizona

This is an old time problem. However, there is a solution in which my own mother taught me long ago. SHe always said to present an united front in front of the kids. That was before I had any. Even though I don't take most of her advice, in this I do. My husband and I do it. If we don't agree, we actually leave the room and tell my son to wait a minute. That is when we discuss things. We also discuss constant things like what we want done when he does something not so great. In front of the children is a big no no. It sets a bad example. Then they think that they can work you against each other. I hope this helps. Parenting is so subjective.

Hi,
When your husband disagrees in front of your son, he is pinning you agaist him and that is not good to do in front of your son. Start off, by suggesting to your husband that you will not agree on everything, but if he does disagree to let you know later and try to have a disapline plan in place beforehand that you both agree on - sometimes there may be a need for comprimising. It always seems like the Moms are trying to discipline more and we look like the "bad guys" in the family. You need to have a talk and come together on your plan as much as possible, or your son will learn how to manipulate both of you.

Have you tried talking to your husband about a parenting plan? This is the perfect time for you to sit down and write out specific goals and morals that you would like to teach your son. You can both start by making a list of the things you would like to instill into your son (ie: honesty, responsibility, hygiene, respect for elders, obedience, etc.) When you both complete your own lists - sit down and compare what you both have written. Combine and prioritize your list by which you feel are most important and commit to having a united front on those specific goals. Post your list on the fridge or somewhere you both will see it alot. Remember that you are both on the same team and not competing. It is about finding solutions - not about who is right and who is wrong. God bless your family.

A., That is frustrating, I know all too well. ;) I have talked to my husband (In Private w/o children around) about how I feel when he disregards my reprimands/ consequences with our children IN FRONT of our children. I told him how when he does that I feel like the kids won't listen to my decisions because dad will rescue them. I told him I feel belittled, my opinions, standards and abilities to teach and raise my children are superseded and disregarded by the way he corrects me or sides with them IN FRONT of them. I asked my husband if from now on when he disagrees with a rule or consequence I have set that he would WAIT until the situation is over then take me aside and let me know his feelings on the subject. Then with that I can either correct my response or at least hear his view point and not feel defensive because my child is right there. Just an idea. It really works for us.