Help! I Am Married to a Butterton!

Hi V.,

I didn't read every reply, so sorry if this is repetitious. First I would switch butter for Smart Balance. The taste is nearly the same and offers the same results as butter with sautéing. Baking is a little trickier, but the spread will still work. Next, I would also try to use Pam, olive oil, or canola oil when you do need to use fats - never Trans fats or shortening. My husband at 33 had two 95% blocked arteries. We had to make some life changes so that all he would need were stents instead of having heart attacks. We love to cook and we loved butter, but the cost wasn't worth the result. In the end, we found that even with limiting and changing the fats we used, it did not mean sacrificing flavor. Hope this helps!

I understand you dilemma. I tried to get my husband to go on a diet and exercise more, but he felt like I was insulting him. The way I have gotten around this (like you we can't afford 2 meals every night) is I have spent a lot of time looking online for recipes that are healthy, but taste good. Some of the recipes take a while to make and some are too expensive, but some are really good.

Well A suggestion could be that you start integrating healthy days into the repertoire. Perhaps you cook on 2 days, and those are healthy days? My suggestion is to do spicy, so he doesn't miss flavor initially.

Besides that, butter is not the enemy - butter is a whole food and natural, and healthy. The problem is the QUANITITY. So perhaps you can explain it in these terms: The calories I can get in macaroni and cheese equate to me getting 1/2 cup of food. On 1/2 cup of delicious mac and cheese, I am not full, so I eat too much of this decadence and thus gain weight. So... let's use these awesome dishes as the side dishes they are intended to be, and fill the majority of the plate with lean meats and veggies.

In this way everyone gets what they want - food that tastes delicious, a husband who still gets to cook great food (also a good lesson for your kids) and a family that is healthier. It's about balance, not totally abstaining from anything fattening.
Good luck!!

Hi V., Our family has tried the eating healthier idea too and we have had some success which I will share with you. I became a more serious label reader and it really opened my eyes to the junk we were shoving in our mouths. Some of the items we avoid or at least try to is High Fructose Corn Syrup or Corn Syrup. The word Enriched and Red #40 (it's like a poison).So keep that type of stuff in mind when you're shopping. I either make our breads or when we buy store bought we always look for "whole wheat flour". There are only a few brands (Sara Lee and Roman Meal are two) that actually use whole wheat. Avoid the enriched stuff. We don't do the "boxed cereals" for breakfast because they are high in sugar and low in nutrition. I make our own granola cereal which can be served with (plain) yogurt or milk and other fruits. Oatmeal is another good breakfast item but don't buy the expensive prepackaged stuff as it is loaded with sugars. Try to use olive oil or coconut oil for your cooking needs. Coconut oil would be the better of the two. Cutting out sugars and fats in your diet would be a huge step. Using butter is tons better then the oleo's. That's like eating plastic! Last but not least fresh fruits and veggies are one of the best things you can do for your health. My kids love just about any kind of fruit so that's what they eat for snacks. It's always quick and easy to prepare and they'll eat tons of it. As you can see there are a number of ways you can start changing your diet without upsetting the apple cart. I'll quit there because that's probably a lot to take in for now. I wish you the best for healthier eating and living. L.

As a former Butterton, let me tell you what turned me around - a visit with a nutritionist. Before we even thought about having kids, my husband and I went to see a nutritionist since I was interested in losing weight in a healthy way. My husband was already in great shape but our diet needed some help.

Through the nutritionist, we learned what portions of which foods we should be eating each day as well as how many calories and fat, etc. She was also able to show us a lot of info on the harmful effects unhealthy eating can have over time. A lot of the changes weren't really major - like switching from butter to olive oil for frying, substituting apple sauce for butter in baking recipes, switching to whole grain products (one product at a time so it wasn't so overwhelming), and making sure that at least one veggie was available at dinner time.

I grew up in a meat and potatoes kinda home so that the meat was always the main part of our meal and there was always a starch side. Now we have more of a Mediterranean diet where vegetables and whole grains are the main part and the protein is more like a side. I don't feel like we've given up taste and occasionally we still have meat and potato type meals. I know we are healthier for it and hopefully our children will continue to make healthy choices as they grow up.

I think it is great that you want to change your eating habits not just for you but for your children as well. Best of luck!

Hi,
I don't have a complete answer for you, but I see what it is like in my family. My F-I-L is super skinny and my M-I-L is overweight. She tries really hard to eat healthy and he refuses to change what they eat, which is high-fat, high-salt foods, but he constantly is telling her that she shouldn't eat this and she shouldn't eat that and trying, negatively, to help her get skinny, which has only made her gain weight.

Anyway, my suggestion is to start with your kids snacks. Talk with your husband and tell him that you want to make sure that your kids have fresh fruit and vegetables at every snack and meal. So instead of buying chips and those fruit snack packages or anything else you buy fresh strawberries, fresh apples, fresh bananas, etc. And when it is snack time then they can have those fruit. When it is meal time make sure that they have veggies, you can either do fresh veggies or frozen. Those both are healthy for you, canned veggies they add to many preservatives and so then the veggies are not healthy for you. Have peas and carrots and all of those veggies available to have for lunch and dinner. Pretty soon, once they get a little bit older, your kids will be asking for the fruit and veggies. My twins are just 3 and all they want at the store is strawberries, bananas, (well any fruit, but that's what they ask for), and the other night I asked what we were going to have for dinner and my 3-year-old said corn. So I planned a meal around corn. It will eventually roll into all of the cooking.

You've gotten great advice already. My thoughts are about your teaching your kids. They really do learn from your example. When I'm grocery shopping with my 2 and 4 year olds they'll grab up brightly colored boxes of junk food because the packaging looks fun. I say, "Well, kids, you know we like to buy healthy foods, so let's see what's in this."

I proceed to read the ingredient list out loud. Most things I can't even pronounce, so I'll laugh and stumble through each one and ask them if that sounds yummy or kind of strange. Then I'll tell them as best I can what some of those things are for -- preservatives, artificial flavors and colors, etc. I explain to them how those chemicals are so unhealthy for our bodies.

Then I'll tell them about something similar we can make homemade or find a healthier brand of a similar product and talk about the ingredients of those things. It's just a great learning opportunity for your kids, teaching them early to read labels and think critically about everything they put into their bodies.

Kudos to you on taking on this challenge. My highest regards to you and your family -- good luck with establishing your new, healthier habits!

If he likes to cook, most good cooks use butter. They believe it just works better - my husband was that way until her found American's Test Kitchen (on PBS and they have a website). They have great recopies - my favorite are the "light" ones where they replace the tons of butter with other things and the food tastes just as good. Worth checking out!

Is there a way you can meet in the middle? Butter is okay in moderation but yeah, there is definitely a point where it is too much!

If he is refusing to change the way he cooks for his sake and your sake, maybe he will for the kids. Childhood obesiety is reaching epidemic levels, and there are a lot of other health issues that go along with that, not to mention self esteem issues.

Maybe you can get the doctor - and even the pediatrician - to put in their advice (although he may or may not listen).

When you go shopping, stock up on fresh produce. When he cooks, take a small portion of what he fixes, then fill the rest of your plate with the veggies. You can eat them raw or lightly steamed (its pretty easy to do in the microwave) and try them without butter or dressing. Or, just a tiny bit of reduced fat ranch if you really need it. Also start exercising. When he sees how hot, sexy, and healthy you look (grin) when you are taking care of yourself he may join with you :)

I've found we if get off sugar (including pop and refined carbs that turn into sugar in digestion) completely for a few days that we both naturally crave more healthy stuff. You could start there and see what happens :D

Buy or make "whipped butter" and keep it handy to cook with. He'll think he's using as much butter to cook with because it looks like the same amount on the knife, but it has more air in it so there is less there. (I buy it by the 5lb tub at Sams Club - $12)

-I love butter too, can you tell?! Give me a roll with a dab of butter for dessert any day

I'm married to a Butterton too!! I can totally relate. Although my husband eats pretty healthily other than the prolific quantity of butter.

Lots of great suggestions below. I agree with those who say you can't really push him in a way that will make him feel resentful and resist the whole idea.

A couple of ideas. First, education -- does he know his cholesterol levels? Could you get him to get his levels checked? If they are high, have him read some basic info about the risks associated with high cholesterol. This may affect all of you, not just him. And if the children need to lose weight, then you both owe it to them to provide healthier meals for their longterm health and wellness.

This web site might be of interest:
http://drsearslean.com/eat_lean.html
and
http://www.realsimple.com/ - I signed up for their daily recipes, and I've been very pleasantly surprised - they are simple, easy to make, they use very basic ingredients (usually), and they are healthy. Most of them have been quite good.

If you do what you can on your end to cook healthy meals, provide healthy snacks, and buy healthy foods, I think your family may gradually incorporate more healthy foods into their diets along with you. Just keep at it, and realize habits are very hard to break -- so be patient, enjoy it yourself, and if your husband doesn't come around, don't give up - you're still doing a great thing for yourself and modeling better health for your kids.

Good luck!!

Great advice you're getting!

I wanted to add that you can get buttery flavor w/o all that saturated fat by using a flavor-infused oil, such as this one: http://O..mywildtree.com/Products/ProductDetails.aspx?pro...

Yes, I'm an independent rep for them...*because* of products like that one. Wildtree also has lots of culinary blends & mixes (think taco seasoning, Cajun spice, scampi blend, alfredo sauce) that are free of additives, preservatives, MSG and food dyes. Yummy food with actual food ingredients! ;)

Oh, and let me clarify something: those prices look high--I flipped when I first saw them--but keep in mind that you're not buying one little packet of taco seasong...that's enough to make 18 servings for only $7. That's 34 cents per serving. No fat in the mix. No sugar, and only 60mg of sodium. And no chemicals. You can't do better than that at the grocery store!

Your hubby is probably just afraid that healthy eating means sacrificing flavor. And that's just not necessary! Best of luck helping him take on a new approach. Feel free to contact me if you'd like more info on Wildtree. :)

Hi V.,

This is a tricky situation. If you are too pushy about a healthy diet, your husband will likely dig in his heels and continue eating fattening foods, but worse, will resent you and feel more cool towards you. I think it is more important to respect his wishes to cook how he wants, and accept him as is, than to push him on this.

That being said, you can control yours and your kids portion sizes. Like if he makes fried chicken and veggies and rolls, have you and the kids eat a smallish portion of the chicken with no skin, half a roll, and a big huge serving of the veggies.

Take care,
Marci

Hi V.! You might introduce him to recipes from Blaine's Low-carb Kitchen or others. His recipes are healthy and pretty well-balanced and he still uses butter and sour cream etc but just in moderation. Be sure to affirm his contribution to the family and for his love of cooking -

It's not as hard as you think to change the way you eat - you can lose a lot of weight just by eating lean and green - lots of veggies and lean protein. A dozen eggs, a big pack of chicken breasts, some salad fixings and a loaf of low-carb bread are things you might be purchasing already. Chicken breast also easy to cook a a million different ways. If your husband wants sauce on his chicken or wants it with pasta, let him. You can just saute your chicken breast in olive oil with some herbs and have it with a big salad.

An easy way to lose weight and really get your metabolism going is to follow a few simple rules. Avoid dairy, sugar and starches and eat lots of low glycemic index veggies and lean proteins. A couple ounces of cheese is okay. Limit diet soda to 1 or 2 cans a day. A sample day would be an egg or two with 1 oz. cheese and slice of lo-carb toast at breakfast. protein drink (70cal 4g carb 1g fat) for snacks at 10/2 and with bfast and lunch. At lunch make a big salad (8oz by weight) with 4 oz protein, small fruit serving and vinegar/oil dressing and for dinner 4 oz protein, 4 oz cooked veggies or 8oz raw and slice of low-carb bread.

Whenever I made my meal - everyone at the table always wanted what I was having - even the kids. My husband needs more calories so he would often have what I was eating but bigger portions and would add a pasta or something like that.

Good luck!!

Hi!

It doesn't help when cooks like Paula Deene, Ina Garten, etc. cook with so much butter! Butter IS wonderful! Have you guys had physicals lately where the doc checked your lipids and cholesterol levels? If they turn out elevated, maybe that would make a difference. In the meantime, just be stoked to have a husband who is so helpful in the kitchen (especially while your kids are so young) and do what you can to eat healthy yourself by not using extra butter, salt, etc. and by controlling the kids' portions with more vegies, fruit, skinless chicken, etc. If you get yourself on a healthy regimine with your diet and exercise and he starts to notice changes in you, it may become contagious!

Best wishes!

Maybe you can get your husband to get his cholesterol checked and have the Dr to talk to him about it if it is high. To me, butter is better than margarine because I detest trans-fats. Butter is okay, but not much! My husband sounds a bit like yours. My husband says if he's going to eat, he wants to be happy with what he eats, and die happy. My husband's cholesterol was a bit high and the Dr did talk to him about it so my husband is at least aware that I'm not just moving my mouth when I tell him some things are not so great for him. Luckily I do most of the cooking and I just don't add a lot of that stuff. My husband will get upset because I make sandwiches without butter and mayo (I just don't like it) and he'll specifically tell me to put them on. LOL, I put some one, but not near as much as he would like! I can get away with it because he's had back surgeries and permanent nerve damage so a lot of times he cannot get up to make his own meals because of the pain.

Could you compromise - i.e. divide meals and have you cook 1/2 the time and he cooks the other 1/2 including making the choices? Maybe if he sees that cooking healthy doesn't have to be yucky then he may give a little. Tell him how important it is to you. Then when it is your turn, make something healthy but totally yummy.

Hi! My husband and I are trying to eat healthier now, too! We just had a our daughter 10 months ago and want to be a good example. I am overweight, but my husband isn't, but I am lucky that he is willing to try eating healthier. One of the main things we've been trying to do is take some of the current recipies we have and making them healthier. It sounds like your husband likes to cook so is he buying things that you can alter? Like if he is buying meat or other items can you take portions of them and cook them in a healthier way? Chicken for example, is he frying it? Maybe when he is frying a portion of the chicken you can take a few pieces, remove the skin, and bake it, or there are some great "no fry" fried chicken recipies out there that you can make in the oven. Maybe if you try it that way and have your husband try a bite - he might find out it's pretty good. There are many great recipies on-line on making dishes healthier. Or you could try eating smaller portions of what he is serving. Frozen veggies are also pretty cheap and are great to have on hand. So are soups - I'm not currently doing Weight Watchers, but I make their vegetable soup, it's yummy, the ingredients are cheap and it makes a huge pot - so I have it to eat all week. If the kids see you trying to eat healthier they will want "to be like mommy" and will also give it a try. We have also started taking "family walks" and been doing some activities with our Wii Fit - so our little one sees us being active. It's all about calories in and calories out! :) It's hard though, so hang in there, and make changes slowly.

I can understand, however I think there is a way around him cooking. Start cooking before he gets home during the week. If you have dinner ready and he does not get the chance to cook, then it is healthier (as long as you cook that way). Solves the problem. If he cooks on weekends, then at least during the week you have healthy meals and there are only two days there are un-healthy ones :)

Butter is not the only thing un-healthy either. You can certainly eliminate the snacks and junk food around the house. Not all of it but some would even make a difference. Sorry he is not on the same page. Good Luck.

V.,

Too many of us equate the word "healthy" with less flavorable. There are many ways that you can be healthier with your food choices and still enjoy a delicious meal.

I would encourage you to visit a library near you and look for a recipe book that has low fat, heart healthy cooking that looks enjoyable to both you and your husband.

Changing your diet all at once probably isn't a wise choice any way. Once or twice a week find something that feels healthier for both of you.

With Love & Light, C.

There is no way you can make him want to change his eating habits. but, I would suggest taking turns in the kitchen and when it is your turn cook healthy and quietly show him how good it tastes. Don't even bring it up. Just do it. Don't make your cooking too stark- I mean, make things he likes, don't try to use all raw vegetables or anything extreme.Hopefully he will get the idea that the healthy food can taste good, too, and modify his diet a little. Prepare as often as you can yourself, especially for the children. They need to eat healthy and learn good habits.

I understand about the being overweight and people content with that. I have 3 children and with everyone I gained 60 pounds! I started Body for Life back in July and have lost over 30 pounds and the food is great! I didn't know how to eat healthy but Body for Life really taught me to cook and eat better. You should try a recipe or two and have your husband try them. See if he likes it. Some of my favs are the sloppy joes and the chili. Just to name a couple. The cook book is called Eating for life. It is great. Hope this helps.

Baby steps, I say. If you do the majority of the cooking, you can easily change a few tiny things, like using a little less oil/butter when you're cooking. I have a few sneaky tricks that I do to save money and cut down on calories.
(1) I gradually started to water down my juice along with the kids' juice. Now we're down to about 1/3 juice to 2/3 water, and drinking regular juice tastes like guzzling juice concentrate! We don't miss full-strength juice at all. I often will add a tiny bit of extra water to my husband's cup as well, but I haven't required him to jump on the watery-juice bandwagon. I've been thinking I'd start adding a little extra water to the pitcher, though.

(2) DH loves whole milk and says that 1% is gross. We compromised by going to 2%. But to save money, I started buying powdered milk to cook with. I buy the individual packages to make it easier to use, and because sometimes I don't use it very often and a big box can go bad/taste funny before I can use it up. I make pudding and mac 'n cheese (both homemade and boxed) with it, and anything else that the flavor will be masked in. And then whoops! The extra reconstituted milk just fell right into the milk jug! I have to be careful to not get more than half of it powdered milk, or DH says it's starting to turn. I've been doing this for nearly 3 years, and he still doesn't suspect! And because the powdered milk is non-fat, it lowers the fat content of all the milk we drink.

Another idea is to not completely deprive your family of the foods you love. Try out new recipes that are healthier and see if your family likes them. Pick out the healthiest meals from your usual repertoire and serve those more often than the "bad" ones.

My husband is also rather opposed to changing our food, even though he claims he wants to eat healthier. He says, "but fat TASTES good!" I've slowly weaned him down, and he doesn't complain about that anymore.

Besides reducing the resistance to change, baby steps will also help you make this a life-long change. Making a drastic change is a great way to fall off the band-wagon!

So many great suggestions here! And great job to you too for working so hard at this. I, too, would suggest putting more emphasis on adding fruits and veggies, and naturally letting those begin to replace some of your unhealthier foods, instead of just "taking away" butter. I don't know if your family is into veggies...mine is not. If they like any type of dish that you (or your husband) can add lots of veggies to, that might help up the veggie intake without seeming like a big change. For example, my hubby would avoid a side of veggies like the plague, but he loves them in a casserole, soup, or spaghetti sauce.

Try getting a subscription to Cooking Light magazine or check out their website. The recipes are healthy but also delicious and easy. They do a good job turning unhealthy meals into healthy ones without your feeling deprived. Try a recipe from it once a week and maybe your hubby will see that you really don't need butter to make food taste good.

You have received some great ideas, so I'm not going to add too much on top of that. The only thing I would add is to make sure you are eating real foods. While striving for a "fat free, cholesterol free, sugar free" diet, Americans have started eating vast quantities of chemical-ladden fake-foods. Unfortunately, in addition to the horrible effect these chemicals have on your body, our bodies also *need* to have fat and sugar in moderate quantities. Pseudo-foods don't satisfy our hunger, so we often wind up eating huge portions of them and still feeling unsatisfied. Don't be scared of butter and whole milk, just moderate your intake of these rich foods and fill in the gaps with real foods - whole grains, fruits, veggies, etc.

What I would do is not worry too much about the butter. I would however, watch my own intake of carbs. Like if there is a meal with chicken/fish or meat, I would eat mainly that and the vegetables and not make a big deal of it at all. In fact act very appreciative of the fact that he cooks! If there is rice or pasta or bread, I would avoid it, or not eat much of it. This makes a huge difference and it has been the only way I've been able to lose any weight. My dr. encourages me to eat some fat. If your husband doesn't make veggies, that is one thing I would make it a priority to buy. If you start to lose some weight, he might think that is pretty awesome and see that you are not really depriving yourself, just making a few different choices! So.. first steps are not too hard - add more veggies and have fewer carbs!

Good luck!