Help Gettin My One Year Old to Sleep...

I know this may sound horrible, and those who responded to go ahead and let him sleep with you will hate me, but I did it with all three of my boys and my sanity level was kept in tact! Let him cry! If he is unable to climb out of the crib, he will be fine. I did this with my first son when he was 7 months old and my other two when they were only 4 months old. I'm sure some are gasping because 4 months seems so early. My doc said it was fine and instead of shoving cereal down him in hopes it will keep him asleep longer, we learned what their little bodies needed and also learned they are not truly hungry at night by that age. They have simply formed a habit and routine. After only a few days, they adjusted and it was never an issue. They woke up happy and alert and ready for the day. There is a possibility he may be teething. You could go in, change his diaper, put some Orajel on his gums, but then give him a great big hug, tell him you love him and put him right back in the crib. I doubt he is afraid of anything. He is likely going through a growth spurt and just waking up. However, they will adapt to whatever YOU choose for their routine. He will certainly get use to you putting him in the bed with you, and likely has already come to expect it, so why wouldn't he wake up to get that? He is not too young to learn to handle change and how to adapt to being uncomfortable. If you think he may get cold, dress him a little warmer, or vice versa if he may be too hot. I have a niece who is a single mom and not having the help, she did the same thing. It wore on her physically because she really did not sleep well at all. Her daughter did not out grow it and when it was time to put her in bed, she threw major temper tantrums making her job even harder. Your son may not do this, but if you are winging this alone, it is something to consider. You will simply have to gage where your child is. You know his personality best. Some may think I am cold hearted, but while everyone wanted to sleep at night, especially me, I bit the bullet early on and after just a few days, we were all sleeping better. If it truly does not bother you to have him in the bed, go for it, but remember, he may or may not be the type of child to make that transition back to the crib easily. I have not read that book the others are talking about, but I am also not the kind of mom who jumped at every discomfort my babies had. They were in their cribs from day one and once I learned that their needs were truly met, I felt it was necessary to teach them to soothe themselves. I let my mommy time be a joyous one when they were fully awake. If they were sick or scared or upset for legitimate reasons, of course, I rocked them, loved on them or whatever was needed. I agree with Amanda and did what she did when it came to putting them to bed. I read a book, sang songs, prayed with them, then laid them in the crib fully awake. It really did not take but a few days before they were going to sleep on their own and staying there. We were all better for it! My boys are now 17, 11 and 5 and bedtime issues were practically non-existent. All of my boys, including my college bound son, are all still very affectionate, loving and even love to snuggle with mom and dad. Your son is well old enough to put be put to bed fully awake and learn to go to sleep on his own. Being a single mom, your sanity is well worth the hard effort it will take and you will be very glad you did! It won't make you a bad mom and it's not that doing this or that is bad or good. It's a matter of what will help you. If you have to get up early and go to work, this may be the ticket. If not and you want that extra cuddle time, go for it. You also may consider changing his night time routine for cuddle time in the bed with you, then put him in his bed. Anyway, sorry to ramble. Good luck to you!

we did the "Cry it out" it was hard to do but it worked great. and in about 2 nights he stopped makin a peep.

When he started crying, I would go ina nd sooth him and put him right back down in his bed. Then I would let him cry for 2 min. Then go back and sooth again, put him down and let him cry for 5 min. Then go back and NOT PICK HIM UP but reassure him and come back in 10 min if he was crying. But he usually had given up by then.

It sounds cruel but it teaches them that even though mommy leaves the room, she's still right there.

Good luck!

My daughter (almost 11 months) and I just were at the Dr. today and talked about the same thing. Everyone has their different opinion on this and if you click on the left side of this site for infant and sleep you will see everyone is in the same boat.

My Dr. asked me how do you put her to sleep? Well of course I know I do the bad thing by rocking her down. But, I love it.. so I keep doing it, knowing it is not what is best for her. (And I hate it when mom's do that, and forget our role is to have our kids grow up to be INdependent adults not DEpendednt on us...sorry soap box :))

Some nights she sleeps fine and others like last night she is up every hour!!! At this point, I am starting to realize I can't keep this up and she is almost one this is rediculous. I have to break the bad habit and maybe you do too. It will mean she has to cry a bit. And, I know I hate that too, but once she wakes up she is the same sweet little girl no matter if I rocked her or she cried a little. I am braving it starting today for the entire week and trying a new and consistent plan!

My main new plan is to read a book to her in the rocker and then put her in crib AWAKE and with a blanket... although we know what will happen. Then I leave for 3 minutes and go back in just to lie her down again and I always walk out saying Night Night. So, then I came back after 5 minutes and then I was going to come back after 10 minutes but she was already asleep. I was really surprised. I did go in anyway just to check on her and I had to kind of move her as she was halfway sitting half way laying. I'm going to try it tonight and then again for both her naps tomorrow too.

One book I like is Tracy Hogg's The Baby Whisperer, she teaches a great EASY (Eat, Sleep, Active-play, You time) routine. She also has a pick up/ put down method for this age. She does NOT believe in the crying it out method. You may want to check it out.

Blessings,
Amanda

Who said that co-sleeping and rocking to sleep was a "bad thing"? Why is putting baby to bed and letting them cry themselves to sleep and not comforting them when they wake up during the night a "good thing". I have never understood who chose what was "bad" and what was "good". You have to decide as the mother of your child what is good and bad. If you don't mind your baby sleeping with you if they wake up during the night, then do it. I whole-heartedly believe that good is what gets every member of the family a good nights sleep. For my family, its rocking my 15 month old son to sleep and letting him sleep b/t me and my husband IF he wakes up during the night...and neither of these things are a big mistake. But, if this doesn't work for your family, check out books such as "The Baby Whisperer", etc. http://babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html

And, letting young children sleep with you during the night isn't going to hinder them from being independent adults. Growing up is a process and doesn't have to happen overnight. Independence is also a process. Good luck to you!

You are right to break the habit. Start by telling him that he is a big boy and can sleep in his own bed. Get him to choose his favorite toys for the bed. Get into a routine before bedtime and stick to it. That way he prepares for the actual sleeping part. This might include bath, brushing teeth, reading a story of a quiet game (puzzle). Then go to the bed. Kiss, say something special. Leave on a small night light. Crack the door and leave. Hopefully he will go to sleep. If he gets up in the night, walk him back to his room (as many times as it takes). This may be tough on you since you need your sleep but choose to start this a day where you can afford to be a little tired the next day. Don't get angry when you return him to his bed, but just be matter of fact. Say: remember you are going t o stay in your bed. Simple reminder, put him in the bed, kiss and leave. Now this stretches out with asks for water, bottle, whatever and you may accommodate those ONCE.
Other tips: soft music to sleep by helps, a star award chart for each morning where he stayed in his room (cut a big one from paper and decorate it for his door). With my daughter, we worked up to about 16 stars trying to get her to stay so it's often not a short process. GOod luck!

I am probably one in a few, but I say don't allow him to sleep with you, I KNOW it's frustrating, boy do I know! My 8 yr old daughter STILL tries to slip into my bed at night, she's a big girl too, almost 90 pounds and most of it pure muscle, you can't find an ounce of jiggly stuff on her, she's strong and stubborn... and TERRIFIED of the dark (night-lights don't work), and settling houses. and if I get up, walk her back to her room, settle her down.. 5 minutes later she's up again. If I allow her to cry, she wakes up her brothers, who are only a year younger than her, and they all need their rest, and don't need to be grumpy at school.
Anyways, what I am trying to say is this.. don't let it to become a habit, I did and I regret it, she will only either sleep with an over-head light on, OR with another person. I would think that around 2 or so, you could start weaning him from going to your bed. I wouldn't let it continue after that.. That's just me personally, but I REALLY dislike having a 3rd body that's almost as big as mine in my tiny double bed... LOL
And as for right now, here's a suggestion, get a recording of your voice talking soothing, maybe singing lullabies, save that for a little later, and for right now, possibly, getting him up changing him, rocking him for a few minutes, then placing him back into the crib, and just standing over it and rubbing his back or bushing his cheek for 5-10 minutes, and talking to him or singing... more than likely his little eyelids will droop closed on their own, and using that recording in a few weeks, hearing your voice will make it so soothing for him.

well I made the same mistake when my little boy was little. I know your not gonna want to do this but.... your gonna have to make him stay in his own bed when he wakes up crying.I know that sounds harsh, but thats what the experts say and thats what I had to do, yes it is heartbreaking, but it's for the best. It's only gonna get worse if you don't.It will only take about a week, maybe two. It really is for the best though, good luck.

You will get lots of opinions on this one C.. With all four of my children I put them in their bed to start with every night and I put them in bed with me when they woke up in the middle of the night. They either had cold little arms and legs or they seemed to be frightened.

I never had any problem getting my children to sleep in their own beds as they got older. That seems to be the biggest fear of the people that don't want their little ones sleeping with them. My children are 18, 16, 11, and 3 and the 3 year old is the only one still crawling in bed with mommy and daddy once in awhile when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

I try to give my children what they seem to need from me. When they wake up in the middle of the night they seem to go back to sleep quicker and everyone gets more sleep if you put them in bed with you. This is a stage and they all outgrow it as they get older.

I read some of your responses, and they're good. JUST DO IT. It's best for the child AND for the rest of the family.

I'm a 51 yr old grandma to 3 (and 'Mom' to 4 adults) and MY mom gave me the best advice I ever rec'd about child rearing in one sentence. "Don't say anything to a child unless you MEAN it." This means that YOU follow through and make it happen. If you don't mean it, don't say it, and if you say it, mean it. This mindset helps us keep our own vocalizations in check!

Also, if you use a night light, I'd suggest putting it behind something that diffuses the light (put something between the light and the child). It's been found that having a light on while sleeping causes nearsightedness in children.

here's my thought. how many 16 year olds do you see sleeping with their mothers? none that I know of. we allowed both of our boys to come get in bed with us if they woke up during the night. most of the time, once they were back asleep, we would take them back to their bed. they are 9 & 7 now and both sleep in their own beds. occasionally our 7 year old will come get in bed with us. they both know that if they need us during the night, we are there for them. we now have an 8 week old daughter, and as she grows older, if she needs to sleep with us some, our bed will be open to her.

they will grow out of it!

they're only young for so long, enjoy it while you can :)

Cortney,

I just want to say that I am a mom of an 19 yr old son, and a 5 yr old DD.

Now, I have been a mom for a long time... BUT that doesn't make me perfect or better than the next mom. What it does give me is some 'seasoned' experience. :)

I think that by you co sleeping with him after he has gotten awake isn't the end of the world. YOU will get some much needed sleep and so will he. (That is what is important right?)

Since he is getting to sleep on his own, going to sleep isn't the problem but he does seem about the age where they are actually dreaming so that might be an issue and I don't know what you can do about that considering his young age.

I will share with you that I did not do a cry it out with either of my children. I am a firm believer in "doing what is best for me and my family"

C., why do you think he is getting up and crying? Does he simply want to be with the one person who is HIS world? YOU.

I will also share that long ago when I had my DS, although I didn't let him cry it out, I lost a LOT of sleep and I was working full time back then...when his dad and I split around when he was 2, we started co sleeping... until he was 5 then I felt that he needed to be in his own bed.

When I had my DD, I had the bassinet right beside me for the first 3 months and then I put her baby positioner since she was young between my DH and I... We all slept, and she co slept until she was 3 1/2.. I know someone mentioned about how big their child was, my DD has been in the 95%-97% in height since she was born... we have a King size bed...
At 3 1/2 she wanted to be in her BIG GIRL BED... and was more than willing to go. Over the past few years as she will be 6 there has been occasions where she would get up every night at one point it was going on for 3 months, I then started a reward system.. it only took 2 wks and she was back to staying asleep. :)

Remember too it isn't for ever and although the first year might have been an adjustment for you, it will go by faster and faster... as it often seems impossible for me to have an adult son. Enjoy the time and it is only for a season.

One more thing, C., REMEMBER TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, not necessarily what everyone thinks you should do.

Being a mom is a continuous learning experience, one that makes you into the wonderful person you are. :)

I have two girls, 3 & 1/2 and 14 months. My oldest, I co-slept because I didn't know better and my husband wouldn't listen to her cry. She still comes in our bed every single night!!!!My 14 month old I started at about 4 months letting her cryitout and she has done wonderful. I couldn't believe it! She has NEVER slept in our bed and choses not to. Yes, she does have some relapses where she wakes up and crys, but she goes back to sleep on her own. I have read and tried to stick to Marc Wiessbluth's book "Healthy Sleep, Happy Baby". He does give you some options in how you chose to soothe your baby to sleep but insists that once you put them to bed, that is it. It was extremely helpful in our endeavors. We are getting ready to move and my girls will be sharing a room so we'll start again working on learning how to sleep and stay asleep. Good Luck!