I recently needed help finding an inexpensive toddler bed and when I posted my request on Mamasource, I was really gratified at the response. So, now I have another concern that I would appreciate input on. My daughter's best friend has two children, a nine year daughter and a thirteen year old son. I'm very close to both children (they call me Nana) and I've always had a special rapport with the boy. However, over the last few months he's been changing and his parents are about at their wits end. A little about him - he was born to a single mom and had almost no contact with his father until he was about 9. His father has been on-again, off-again his entire life and every time he shows up, he causes nothing but grief. His mom has married and her husband is a much better Dad than the "real" one ever thought of being. At any rate, their son has started lying about things, ignoring the rules, yelling at his mom, getting in people's faces and generally causing havoc for everyone involved. I realize that a lot of it is teenage angst, but he shows absolutely no respect for his mom and that's just really hard to take, given how hard she's worked all of his life to provide for him. Just yesterday, after having had a long talk on Monday to discuss the after-school rules, he went out with a friend that his mom didn't know and who's parents she hadn't met. He then walked to a store that he was told he could only walk to with one specific friend. When his mom asked him why he had just completely ignored all of the rules, he yelled at her that it was because he wanted to, that he hated living at home, etc., etc. and then he stomped off to his room. Their daughter, who has learning difficulties, has always been an extremely sweet-natured child, but she's started to demonstrate some of the same bratty behavior as her brother, which is about to drive their mom nuts. Since their mom has to work and her job is pretty far from home, their son is home alone each afternoon for about 2 1/2 hours, so she has to be able to trust him and she can't anymore. They recently moved to a new city, but he seems to have found one friend that she really likes already, so it's not like he doesn't know anyone. He has behavioral problems at school, too, and has been in trouble several times already this term. Any suggestions?
WOW! There are so many wonderful Mom's on MamaSource! Thank you all for your wonderful suggestions and the prayers. My daughter told me last night that they've gotten him into counseling, so that's a definite step in the right direction. Also, some people were wondering about his relationship with his step-dad. His mom married about 8 or 9 years ago (not long after their daughter was born), so the step-dad has been in his life since he was about 3. They had a rocky relationship for a while, but they get along a lot better now. They're big on paintball, fishing and hunting, so they share a lot of the same interests. He made the statement not long ago that his step-dad was a real dad while his father was nobody to him. He's had a very rough time with the relationship with his biological father and now the man is back in his life again! I personally think that has a lot to do with the current trouble, so I'm hopeful that the counselor can help him handle it. He's truly a good kid with a huge, loving heart and I just hate that he's in so much turmoil. I appreciate your continued good thoughts and prayers. God bless all! S.
Hi Mom! You are the greatest Nana EVER!!!!!!!! Thanks so much for all your help with everything! I love you! God Bless!
Have they thought about seeking professional help? I myself was a single mom for a while with my son. Although his father was in the picture he isn't a great role model of how I want my son to be. I also had a little trouble with my son when he was about 13. I contacted the school because he wasn't doing his homework or would do it but just not turn it in. The school counselor talked to him and would meet with him once a week after that. Soon after the problems ceased. That might be worth a shot. I know it is hard to get others involved but this might be a good step before seeking professional help. I think that even if he continues to act out the more people he sees cares the better he will feel inside being that he has an absent father.
Hope this helps!
C.
They should try family counseling.
or look into lonestarexpeditions.
Good luck to her!!
Frequently children disobey for attention. To alleviate that problem, setting aside special time with each child, knowing that is a designated activity helps. Children require boundaries and consequences. It is difficult for parents to be consistent in policing their children.
The son has taken attention away from the daughter; the daughter is trying to get the parents' attention back.
A great counselor would be very helpful. I like Dr. Guy Chandler in Plano/Dallas
You don't say if they live in Garland, but the Garland Police Department has school resource officers at all of the schools. They are not just there to "police" the kids. They have several programs that this boy could join such as boxing or karate. You don't have to live in Garland to participate. If he goes to a Garland school, M. can contact the school counselor or the SRO at that school to see what programs they have that might be of interest and help for this child.
The family needs counselling immediately. Get the school counsellors involved right away. Seek a good family therapist and urge them to go. This kind of acting out only gets worse without intervention. Kids who have an absent or neglectful natural parent usually go through a time of resentment and anger as they deal with the knowledge that they were not valued by that person. It is hard, but can be overcome with patience, prayer and good counselling. The entire family should be involved.
Linda Alexander in Richardson is excellent ###-###-####.
Good luck!
