Hi all,
I have a dilemma that I need help on. Originally in October my family said yes to going to niece's (who lives 4 1/2 to 5 hours away) birthday party in December since it was a special one at an indoor amusement park that we would also stay at. In November we were told that they were not having it and not sure what they would do maybe bowling with added friends from school. I said to call back when they confirm details. I end up calling them back not sure if we would come - at the time they were still not sure if we would come. My son's birthday is a couple days later and not only do I have his party but also all the other holiday parties and things to do. My mom's birthday was end of November and mine is December also so our time is packed. My husband feels we should go after Christmas when he has time off for a longer stay at their house instead of going to party. I feel overwhelmed with everything but guilty if we don't go????
Sorry I just realized that I left out that now they're going the grandparents and them to Christmastown...I feel bad because in October I already said yes since it was a "special" and different birthday. I did talk to my brother about going later and they said it would be fine but I still feel upset about not going.
I would not have said yes to a more normal friends party but I do feel like I should go.
I would wait until after the holidays as well. Honestly, they will probably prefer that too. Having to entertain out of town guests as well as do a class party would be a lot to handle in the holiday season. Just tell them you can't find a way to make it work and would love to see them when things slow down for everyone. Maybe you can all go to that indoor amusement park just for a getaway?
Let this party go, and send a nice card and gift. Missing one year is not a big deal, esp. if it's 10+ hours out of your day!
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed just reading your post. I certainly wouldn't drive 2 hours, let alone 5 hours to go bowling on someone's birthday. As your husband has suggested, I would wait and go when I could spend more time.
Why do you feel guilty if you don't go? That makes no sense to me. It is your responsibility to manage your time in the best interests of your family. Making the decision to visit later is reasonable. Going while feeling overwhelmed just to make others happy is not reasonable. Stay home. Take care of yourself and your family.
I wouldn't drive 5 hours to a bowling party and then drive 5 hours home. Don't feel guilty. Send him a present and a note that says something like "Sorry we couldn't make it! Hopefully we'll see you around Christmas!"
Wait and go later. There's no reason to feel guilty. They changed things so many times. You had to get on with your lives.
could you still mail a gift??
is the guilt coming from, you would make the time for the amusement park but not for bowling??
The fact that they are hestiatiing and non commital would be my sign from heaven saying, no thanks we need hard fast plans this time of year and we'll just see you in january.
I would go visit after Christmas. You should not feel guilty about not being present at the party as the family was not sure what they were doing and changed the plans.
The holiday season is crazy and it is often that you have to be flexible in order to get things in and done.
The other S.
I would just go after like your husband said. It will be so much less stressful and you will be able to relax and enjoy your time there
I would NOT go to this. That is me.
I would not drive all that way, for a birthday party, relative or not.
PLUS, it is bad timing per your own family's obligations and your own child's b-day. And other holiday stuff too, to do.
And, if you all do go, then that also means, that you or your Husband or both would have to take off of work, therefore using up your "vacation" time, too, right? (I don't know if you and your Husband work, just assuming).
And Employers, need to know AHEAD of time, of any vacation time their employees want.
I would not go, nor put myself or my family, in a crunch like that... not to mention the "budget" or money expenditures for it and traveling.
Plus, you don't even know, IF going to visit them after Christmas, is okay with them, being you'd be staying at their house. And it is after, the party and after the holidays anyway.
I would not go.
Are they coming and traveling to YOUR house/town, for your birthday and your son's birthday?
Ditto Marda & Hazel below.
You and your Husband need to determine, HOW you will use up your "vacation time" or time off from work. Do You-- want to keep it for your own family/kids, or for going to something that you feel "guilty" about if you don't go???? And you need to determine, if EACH year, you are all going to travel out of town, for all the relatives birthdays and their parties. Plus, dealing with the regular Holiday gatherings, aside from B-days, and your own holiday obligations you need to do, too.
You either "spend" your vacation time and money, the way you and your family needs to... or you do it to feel less guilty to please the relatives.
We personally don't expect relatives from out of town to come to our or our kids b-day parties. Regardless of their ages.
So just a story: recently, my MIL told my Husband that they are all going to his brother's house for Christmas. BUT, she adds "everyone will be here except you/your family...." and made him feel guilty for it. Mind you, his family lives far away. And going to visit them, costs US... an arm and a leg and we simply do not have the money or time..... to go visit them. But MIL does not even, think of the hardship it is for us. And, I told my Husband, I cannot... fathom, spending all that time and money... to go travel to see them, just because his Mommy, makes us feel guilty about not going there. I mean, c'mon. I said, he can go alone if he wants. We simply do not have the time or money, for ALL of us to go fly over there anytime they want us to. And we should not feel guilty about it. We cannot go into financial or emotional "debt", just to please them.
Sorry, I wouldn't drive 5 hours to go bowling given all the other stuff you have going on right now. I would go after Christmas as a special visit.
Our family runs into scheduling conflicts like this, as well - a few late fall birthdays, and then once you factor in Thanksgiving, Christmas and everything that goes along with it, we finally decided it is more fun to do something in January. So the kids have their individual parties with their school friends around their real birthdate, and then in January, we get together with my cousin and her kids (they live 5 hours away) and have a little family get-together and birthday celebration. The kids actually love it, because it extends their birthdays about 2 months from the actual date! Anyway, that has always worked for us. I vote for seeing the extended family after the holidays are over. It will be more fun for everyone.
Why add one more thing to an already crazy month; go later.
If the party was still going to beat the indoor amusement park, would you still be going?
There's your answer.
I think if the answer is "yes" maybe the guilt is from feeling like you're saying no to your niece, because its not the amusement park plan?
But there are (unfortunately) only so many hours in December and everyone really goes understand that we're ALL busy!
Hi, A:
Do you feel like you are an outsider if you don't go?
What is more important, your husband and children, or your extended
family?
Consider your husband's suggestion to have time and a quiet visit at a later date. After all, families are about relationships, not entertainment.
Good luck.
D.
