Help Dealing with Heavy Drinker

A website that may be very helpful, it deals with several different types of addictions (alcohol, gambling, pornography, smoking, food, etc.) is www.settingcaptivesfree.com

Hope this is helpful!
J. L

T.,
First let me reassure you that you are not alone, as you may already know. My husband is an alcoholic too. It's been an issue in our marriage (up and down) for 23 years. One thing I do know is that nobody can tell you when or if it's time to give up. Only you know that. Unfortunately for your husband to want to really change, he'll have to hit "rock bottom." It doesn't appear he's there yet. I can recommend a book that helped me called "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. It's incredibly insightful into the realm of alcoholism, and is not a long book so it's easy to read. The other recommendation I would have has already been mentioned--al-anon. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers T..

T.,

Alcoholism is an ugly thing and the damage it does to a family is awful. My husband is in a transitional/rehab center at this time. He has been sober 40 wonderful days. The best advice I can give you is to get into an ALANON program. With my husband it had gotten so bad that I was mentally, emotionally and physically sick. I started a ALANON program online and it has been a God send. Keep this in mind T., you can't fix him or make him go to rehab. You need to start your own recovery program. My husband woke up one day and decided he couldn't live that way any more. I don't know if your husband has any angry tendencies or not but mine had major anger issues. He realized he needed help and he could not do it on his own. By the Grace of God we found Solutions of North Texas. This is the perfect program for him because he can still work and see us on a daily basis. It is awesome. Will we make it in the end? I don't know. All I can do is trust in God and whatever happens will be His Will not mine. If you want more info or if anyone else does send me a message and I will be happy to help any way I can. Remember you are not alone.

Hi T.

I am the daughter of an alcoholic. My father drank until I was thirteen. He knew it was wrong and I knew it too. I woke up every morning and went to bed every night with my dad drinking. My older brother would have to go to the bar to pick him up with my mom because my father was in law enforcement and the police would come to our house and let us know it was time. My father wasn't abusive or anthing to that effect...he just wasn't around. We never had alcohol in the house (except near beer) but he was always at a bar. I can't remember my dad being there, but I know that I was loved. Than one day in January my dad never came home. We finally got a call and he had checked himself into rehab. He has been sober for 20 years and the smell and/or thought of alcohol make him sick. Every story is different, no one could make my dad get help until he decided to get help. If he goes for anyone else it won't work he has to go for himself. Staying with him is a choice, there are times when I think my mom was foolish for staying because he actually drank for 18 years of their marriage; but now my dad is a rockstar. But like I said every story is different, and I think that is bring your kids up aware of the situation but not thrown into the situation they will be healthy adults (none of us drink). I would defiantly say to get help for you and your family (kids) you can't worry about him he isn't worring about himself or you. Take care of your kids and hopefully he will come around. You will know when it is time to get out. I hope this all works out for you...but remember it isn't about him anymore it is about your three angels

From a child's perspective... I grew up with a dad like this. I used to sit in my room and pray that my mom would leave my dad. He was always drunk or passed out, and the yelling was so intense and always about drinking. My mom threatened to leave but never did. My dad wouldn't quit b/c he never really saw anything wrong with it... he was just kicking back and enjoying life (his definition of enjoyment did not match hers). If he doesn't quit or he can't quit, you have 2 options: stay and accept it... no yelling or fighting. Take care of him when he passes out, and be the main caregiver to your children. Don't expect more than he can give. Or, 2. demand he work on quitting... and if he can't or won't, then actually leave. Leave with the intention that if he does "see the light", you'll come back. Don't give up on your marriage too fast. But again, if he won't or can't, then you can move on from there.
My childhood was hell. I had no father, and most of my mother's energy was spent worrying about him. I had no siblings close in age to me to help me cope. I resented them for a long time... but now that my dad is gone, I no longer resent them. I do however carry with me a deep hole b/c I feel like I never got to know my dad and that I was robbed of that by the drinking.
good luck... don't give up just yet!

First I want to say how much I feel for you, and for your children. Children do not need to see that everyday. My father was an alcoholic. He died when I was 17. I am 39 now with 2 daughters of my own. I was the youngest of 2 girls. My mother stayed married to my dad for just shy of 20 years. My mother also new my dad was a drinker when she married him, but did not know to what extent. My dad's dad was a drinker as well. The year my mom decided she had enough was the same year my father passed away. We are Catholic and my mom believed in her marriage vows. She said many times that was why she couldn't leave. But unfortunetly the damage to our family was already done. My sister and I have turned out good, and that is in thanks to my wonderful mom. There are some things that still haunt me, but I don't dwell on it anymore. It took me a really long time to get to that point. In all my childhood I really don't remember many days when he was sober. I don't know the real person he was. I never formed a bond with him. I never wanted to be around him. I think my dad was a very extreme alcoholic though. He would drink anything and I mean anything with alchol to get that high he needed. Your husband has to want to quit, as I'm sure you already know that. I feel you need to talk to someone for support and guidance. A family counselor maybe. Are you able to talk to your husband about it? Are you close to anyone in his family to talk to? You have to search your heart for the right thing to do. I know it is a tough situation, and I hope the best for you and your family. I pray that God gives you Peace.

I think you should try ALANON. They can help you with all your questions and you can make the decision you need to make. My sister started drinking when she was a teenager. She had a daughter young and raised her alone, the best she could being an alcoholic. She loved her daughter and did not let her go without the things she needed and love. However, she did see her mom drunk alot. My sister, who is much older than me, tried several rehabs that are very well known and cost her father a fortune. My sister finally stopped drinking for good in her mid 30's with the help of AA and a great sponser. She is now in her early 50's with 2 more children who are in college. She has never had a drink since and her oldest child who lived with her mother's drinking is now grown and does not have a problem with alcohol or drugs, by the grace of god. She is a teacher and she and her mom are still very close. There is no blame. It certainly doesn't mean that all stories of alcoholics will have a happy ending, but this one did. Good luck to you, your children, and your husband. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and your family. God bless!

If he is drinking to deal with Anxiety, his doctor can give him something that is non-addictive. If he is dealing with Anxiety and depression, doctors have something for that too. All of these meds do not mix with alcohol, so he will have to be honest with his doctor and start dealing with his issues and addiction. Good Luck.

Find a local Ala-non group, this will help greatly.

I know how you feel. My husband has been in aA for three years. Before he got help it was very difficult. At the time my duaghter was onlt 10 months. I knew he had a problem when we got married. Somedays were worse than others. One day I told him he needed help or I was leaving with our duaghter. This time I really meant it. He has been sober since. I would recomend you go to al-anon before you do anything. It is a great place to get support. good luckand if you need to talk please contact me.

He is an alcoholic. You must make a stand now before this affects your children any more. He is teaching them that consuming alcohol on a regular basis is the norm. Go to Alnon meetings. If he will not get the help he needs, at least you can do something for yourself. The cycle is very hard to break and if he is able to you will need support on your side.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html