Help-my Sons Friend Practically Lives at Our House

I think we all have been there before. It sounds like you just need to say no. If it is starting to bother your son, then you need to be his advocate and simply tell the boy, "not today, we already have family plans" or "I am not feeling well and I don't want you to get sick" or simply "Not today, maybe next WEEK." It sounds like the other mom may have alot on her plate and is not getting it. There is nothing wrong with saying no or unplugging the phone during the morning call time. If it is easier, just make a list on paper of excuses so you are ready with amo when the time comes. Simply say no and walk away; not questions asked. If you son starts to give a fight, then tell him okay for today, but not tomorrow. Then stick to it for tomorrow. Good Luck! It is not easy to say no!

This is not the kid's fault, it's his parent's fault. Either the mom is clueless, and let's face it, we all are from time to time, or she is seeing this as a free babysitting opportunity. It's really not polite, even among chidren, to call to invite yourself over. The polite thing is to call and invite the friend over to your house. Or, when they're older and more cabable of doing this, call to see if the other kid wants to play, and them mutually decide where they go to play. But, this is pure rudeness, receiving a call asking to come over, and the mother should realize that. The fact that you have made plans to avoid the call from a 5-year-old borders on harrassment! Why not just ask to speak to the boy's mother next time he calls and do the momspeak: Hey, I just wanted to let you know that Brian is a great kid and I'm so glad that my son has such a good friend to play with - they get along great! My only problem is that every day is a little too much – sometimes we have things to do, or my son has other friends he wants to play with. I don't want to hurt Brian's feelings, but he calls every morning asking to come over, and sometimes that gets a little uncomfortable...because we like him and don't want to say no. So, what I was thinking was, that instead of Brian calling us every morning, why don't we arrange it so that if my son wants to play with Brian, we'll call and invite him over, and when you want my son to go to your house to play, Brian can call and invite him to your house. Would that work for you?

That would let the mom know you have no problem with her kid, or the boys playing together, but gently communicate that the everyday at your house thing is just too much.

Like you said, better keep them close where you know you're supervising rather than you son over there where you dont know the family very well (it didnt sound like you did). And, I would imagine, having a playmate over kind of keeps your son occupied so that you have time to do things you may not have had time for otherwise.
That being said, Im sure having a guest all the time and pretty much being used as a free babysitter is annoying, maybe sometimes you just say no. Sorry guys not today, with a smile and a wave at his mom and stick to your guns. Its NOT being bitchy to want your house to yourself or not want to be used as someone's after school care.

S. -

When I read your post this is what comes to my mind: it is YOUR house. We have lots of kids in our neighborhood and I have just had to set limits and stick to that. If he calls, YOU answer the phone the first few times until he gets the picture that he won't always be welcomed to come down and play, and YOU tell him nicely but firmly that today would not be a good day to play (and remember you don't owe any explanation for this to a child or anyone else for that matter) and say something like this, "well "Brian", thanks for calling to see if (child's name here) can play but today/right now isn't a good time/day to play, I will have him call you another day to see about getting together to play" We used to have a little boy (two different ones actually) that called ALL THE TIME and if you didn't answer they would KEEP calling - over and over. SO, I answered the phone and politely told him if we do not answer that means either we are busy with family time, homework, chores, sleep, etc. and so he needs to leave a message rather than continuing to call. I was perfectly nice about it and both boys are still my son's friend and they still play together! You just have to set limits. People only do to you what they are allowed to do. Start setting limits and don't feel badly about doing so. I have even turned away uninvited playmates at the door if it isn't a good time to play. As far as the situation with him only wanting to play at your house I think you can suggest that they play at his house too, say something such as, "hey Brian, I know that (insert child's name here) would really love to come over and (play with your new legos, see your new bike, etc. ) maybe you could call and check with mom to see if it is okay to play at your house today for a little while." Or, your son can say, "we always play at my house, see if we could play at your house today." I think you need to stop avoiding this issue and confront it. I am not confrontational either but I just have learned you can be firm with out being a witch about it. Set some limits and it will resolve itself and you will wish you had done so long ago! I bet your son will be appreciative also! Good luck...you can do it! :)

Although my children are grown and married we had this same issue with some friends at church. My solution was to either just say no or just say when the child ask that I would call and set up a play date with his mother. I would even suggest a date where you all could meet at a park so "both" moms can enjoy the children.

Hi S..
I think lots of us have been in this situation. It is OK for you to say no to this child. You are correct that it is not his fault, that lands in the lap of the mother.
Since she will not take the initiative to set rules or times for him to come and play then you will have to. I think it is very important for your son to have the time and days limited.
I would simply set up 1 or however many days a week that you want him to play with your child and tell him or give him the schedule and tell him to call first. I'd also make sure I tell him that he is only allowed to stay until such and such a time. As far as after school, I would simply explain to him that you and your son want to go over the lessons that he has had for the day and that he has things he needs to do first or let him come and say that he can stay for 1 hour.
Even when he calls, I would explain to him that he can come over on whatever day of the week you picked and he will eventually get the picture that he is only allowed to come over when you say and he will quit calling.
Good Luck.