Ok so my 4 yy old has decided that my husband (her father) and I aren't allowed to cuddle anymore! It is really frustrating. typically in the morning, the kids all come and get in bed with us to cuddle for a few min. our 4 yr old daughter sleeps inbetween us with the baby and then our 2yr old daughter cuddles ont he other side of me. thank goodness for King size beds. But whenever we try to rearrange things so that i can cuddle next to their dad - she littlerally screams and cries and tries to crawl in between us. i have explained to her that we need cuddle time too and that we are ahppier when we do. and forget anything more then that! even i get her watching tv and we try to ge hide out for a few min as soon as she gets wind of it she throws a major fit again! i really don't know what it's about and my DH is REALLY annoyed with her about this!
any advoce would be appreciated!
J.
Not to be rude, but who is the parent, and who runs the family? I think it needs to be established for everyone's sanity.
VERY NORMAL!! I am a RN with 2 boys 6&4 and 11mo girl. the same thing happend with our eldest. It realy upset my husband too. But he just hadto get over it. This is a whole natural part of the childs growth and development. It has to do with the boy being posesive of the mom and the girl over the dad. It will work out. give it time lots of time.like a year. my husband thought I made this up but I showed him a section in my human growth and development book from a course I was taking. And yes thank god for king size beds:0)
Ignore her fits. You don't have to explain anything. It's about power and control and when you give in to her fits (by not cuddling with your hubby or by sitting down and explaining why you need to cuddle with daddy), you reward her bad behavior.
I would just say, "I am cuddling with daddy right now. If you don't want to see me cuddle with daddy, then you can go and play in your bedroom." Be very firm. Be very clear. And don't cater to her fit. As soon as she understands that she's not going to get her way, she'll stop.
Haha! I have to laugh because I had the same problem with both of my girls! The thing is, girls are always closer to daddy at the younger age. And it sounds like she is having trouble since there is a 2 yr old and new baby...like mom having to give more attention to them than her. Sad thing is it will not stop, mine are 11, 8 and 3 and I still have "tantrums" with my 11 yr old about time. If the two of you are still getting "mommy and daddy" time at night, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. Let her have her special time next to daddy. It will help with their bond and let her know she is still his "little girl." Does dad take the younger two and let you have time with her alone? I started doing this after my son was born, I would have a "date" with each daughter on a certain day of the week because my son was born with medical problems and I was always busy with him. We would go have ice cream and walk along the river, or go to the playground, it was their choice. But gave us an hour or so to talk and just have each other. I want to start it again but my time is shorter and shorter now with my business growing, but I know in another year I'll have more than enough time with them after quitting my full-time job and working from home.Talk to your husband about and be sure to set her down and let her know mommy and daddy need quiet time together too. She's old enough to understand, but I would still give her those few moments in the morning. Best of luck!
Our two year old went through a phase where my husband and I weren't allowed to touch too, only to touch/cuddle/hug/kiss her! She got past it in a few months, that's the only advice I have that it will pass.
Hi J.,
This is just MHO here, being a firm believer in attachment parenting.. but, kids have needs.. your little one is asserting her need. Just like you and DH have needs.. It is unfair to assert yours and not allow her to assert hers. Try talking to her. Validate her feelings by saying things like "It seems like you dont want dad and I to cuddle" and "I like to cuddle you - and daddy likes to cuddle you too" .. It appears that she is feeling insecure and if you don't address her insecurity and do something about it, it will get worse.. Kids need love and security, bottom line.. I think too many parents today are too occupied with their own desires to meet their childrens needs..
Major kudos to you for having a family bed! What a wonderful way to share closeness and security with your children!
When there is a moment with her, when she is not upset, I would ask her about her feelings. I would say, " You have really been getting upset when your dad and I try to cuddle, haven't you? " and I would ask if she is upset because she feels left out and ask her to tell you more about how she's feeling. I have been using this with my 3yr old son and it is really helping because once he feels really heard, then it is usually resolved for him or he gives me an idea of what he needs. Like maybe your daughter would feel better if she had some cuddle time just for her.
I think it is just hard for kids because they just don't know how to express themselves and communicate effectively until we show them. Ignoring these things or turning them into power struggles just makes life miserable. Just my thoughts. A.
Hello J., I have been there with our youngest who is eight know. First she just wanted things to be "the same" and we got her used to changing things in the bed. After a while she told us Mommy get to sleep with Daddy all night and she wanted to cuddle with Daddy know. So I think your little one might be jealous of the attention you give her Daddy. We just stopped letting the kids get in the bed with us and that salved that. My hubby spends quality time with each of the kids on different days so we seem to have passed this stage. I hope this helps. Shan
My soon to be 4 year old son does not like my hubby and I to cuddle, kiss, and hug either. He has admitted that he wants that attention and it's purely a jealousy issue. He gets angry, tells us to "STOP IT" and tries to pry us apart. It's getting a bit better now because we talk about it to him and explain that everyone needs love and snuggling sometimes. I think it's just another quirky phase that you daughter will get over...with time. Just keep talking to her about it. I wish you patience!
This is just advise...so first, who is in control here? Cuddle time is great with the kids, but they have their own beds don't they? It may be really hard at reinforcing this at first, but well worth your sanity in the end. Maybe you could afford some quiet time in the evening without the kids in your bed. Anyways, the 2 year old is just seeing how far she can push her will! You are the mommy! I have to remind myself of this! Sounds like it is crack down time.
