Help! Bad Behavior at School

Have him go into the school and apologize to the class, the student or students he hit, the teacher, etc. (This will teach him to take responsibility for his actions and deal with the consequences). Then, make a sticker chart at home for good behavior at school. 10 stickers = a treat. 20 stickers = a trip to the park or Chuck E. Cheese. Reinforcing positive behavior is the key. Good luck! :)

Work out a plan with the teacher at school. Generally, I took away privileges. His teacher sent Yellow or Red tickets home with reason. He lost privileges. Also, there were lots of talks about expectations and appropriate behaviors.

It's hard with boys and it just takes a lot of patience and repetition.

You might want to talk to the teacher or observe yourself AND talk to your son about what is going on to figure out why there has been a shift in behavior from last year to this year. Perhaps he is being bullied, or maybe he school is hard for him and he is in the back row and can't see the board and needs glasses, etc --- behavior is always communicating something. And sometimes our kids, esp little ones don't know how to communicate what is REALLY wrong underneath the behavior. Since you are a mom, I know that you are a wonderful private investigator!! Pray and pray and pray too.

With two boys each spring there is a time when this happens...yearly. Reinforce that it is not acceptable and for my kids then they don't play soccer that night, watch TV, etc. However if it is already starting I agree with the other parents that there may be more to it and you need to discuss it with the your son and the teacher. However do not blame the teacher.
Another thought is that he may be bored. My one son catches on quickly and in 2-3 grade was always getting caught because he was done with his work and bored. I talked with the teacher and one worked well with giving him other projects as a reward for finishing his work the other asked him to sit and she had problems all year. Keep talking to him if it persists, it could be anything.

As a teacher consequences at home for things at school is a must and most beneficial to reinforce your expectations. His general behavior is what should be expected anywhere, home or school. Talk to him. Try to figure out what may be triggering it. Talk to the teacher. In every classroom there are typically rules posted. Perhaps you can get the list of them and have one also at home to talk about and review/remind him of your expectations. Consquences can be anything, but I've found it to be productive with the children in my own classroom to give privledges to those who earned them. Things like having lunch with me and a friend or sitting at my desk for the day, things that work in a classroom. But at home you could do special things that your son likes, quality time with you, sitting at a different spot at the dinner table, choosing dinner, simple things that don't have to be material. You also might want to try some books by Karen Katz called No Biting and No Hitting. They work great for some kids. Good luck. Be consistent and let your son know that you and his teacher have a united front.

We had this issue when our oldest was in pre-school. I'm not sure how frequently you get information from the school. We found out at parent teacher conferences and asked the teacher to contact us at minimum weekly with a behavior report, she said that she would contact us any day that there was issue. We then told our daughter what was happening and told her what the consequence would be. We found that a very effective form of punishment was taking toys away (if only for a day), even better were stuffed animals she loved to have on her bed at bed time. That became her punishment, if her teacher emailed or called me, then she lost a toy off her bed. The first email came on Halloween and we actually took trick or treating away. That was also the last email/phone call. We set up the same arrangement this year with her Kindergarten teacher, although it is a weekly classroom conduct report that every parent gets. If she moves to a "Yellow Light" (their form of "discipline") then we'll know and she'll loose a toy from her bed. Four weeks into school and we've been on the "Green Light" every day. I think for her, it helped that she knew that mom and dad stuck with the teacher and the teacher's directions. The teacher, and the staff at her schools, are basically an extension of mom and dad when it comes to her behavior. Good luck - I hope you find a way that works for your son!!

Your son MUST have consequences for his behavior any place. Have you investigated why it is happening at school? My son was being bullied and it caused him to act out every place else for a while.

Good luck! You are on the right track in asking!

S.

Talk to the teacher about how to deal with it. They deal with the problem on the spot. You might make it clear that you will not tolerate any more reports from school about it or [tv, computer, etc] privileges will be taken away until he decides it stops.
You could instill in him positive discipline like push ups. It's physical, which ultimately would be good [providing they're done correctly], but it serves as a type of 'time out' action.

Hi G.,

This is a hard one my son is also in first grade this year and thankfully doing well. Last year in Kindergarten we had this problem with him not keeping his hands to himself and rough play outside(mostly sensory seeking behavior) I had a meeting with his teacher and we put a behavior plan into play he had 5 tokens at the begining of the day and he would lose tokens if he didn't follow the rules of keeping his hands to himself or pushing on the playground at the end of the day he needed to have at least 1 token left if he wanted to have his 1/2 hour DS time when this started working we dropped the starting tokens down to 3 and we changed things up a bit. For example we got 6 or7 index cards and came up with rewards together like having a playdate with friend or going to McDonalds playland, movie with dad, camping in the livingroom on sat nite. If he had atleast 1 token every day that week he could pick one of his rewards. This really helped him hold it together. It also helped so much to have a teacher who cares about your child and wants to held come up with plans to ensure their success. I hope this helps good luck.

There is always consequences in my home for bad behavior whether it happened in school or somewhere else. As far as what consequences, it usually helps to know the child. For example...my son would lose video games, phone, friends (going out or coming over), more chores, etc. (he's older than yours lol). At that age, I probably made him go to bed earlier (he hated that) and made him stay in his room. Even though ALL his stuff was in his room, he hated being grounded to it (I don't understand lol and it doesn't work now but it did at that age). Good luck, but yes....consequences.

Hi G.,

I agree whole-heartedly with Mary Jo. He has a change in behavior from last year for a reason. And the teacher's aren't concerned as much with why, they just want the behavior to stop. So ask your son a lot of questions eveyday, volunteer in the classroom. Are these problems before or after recess?, during circle time, lunchtime? At that age he doesn't have the social skills or ability to communicate in other ways, so for some reason he is trying to say something and you have to figure out what it is. I think that once he figures that out the behavior will stop. It sounds like something is frustrating him. First grade is a big transition. It goes from play-based learning to sitting at a desk most of the day, and patience is the key. Keep it up and you will solve this one. Good luck!

Speaking as an elementary teacher, I can tell you that it's definitely helpful when parents back you up and follow through with consequences and "talks" at home. It's important to communicate with the teacher about what kinds of consequences or rewards you are using at home, because sometimes the teacher can use that as a little private reminder in school if he's starting to have a "bad day."

Besides giving consequences for bad reports, it's important to give some rewards (not necessarily material rewards...let your child choose the dessert or meal that night, give a few extra minutes of play time, etc.). Make sure you're in touch with the teacher so you're only rewarding for actual good days. Some teachers only contact home when things were REALLY bad. They may feel bad writing notes home every day so they pick and choose when they write a note home. Therefore, don't assume that no note means "great day".

I had a general behavior management system I used for the majority of my class (the card system, if you're familiar with it...they started out on a white card, then flipped to green for warning, yellow for first consequence and red for second consequence and contact home).

For some children, this system wasn't as effective. Occasionally I would make an individualized behavior management plan for particular children. This would usually be a chart with a few goals and a few rewards / consequences. Instead of only having one chance all day to have a "good" report (white card) they had a spot on the chart for each hour where they could get a happy face, straight face or sad face. At the end of the day we'd tally up the points and give a reward or consequence if appropriate. The chart went back and forth between home and school each day, with parent and teacher initialing. This was a quick and easy way to communicate (there was also a comments section on back).

PM me if you'd like and I'd be happy to share the chart with you. Of course it's really for use during the school day, so you'd have to show it to your child's teacher and ask if she'd be willing to use it. Most teachers would be willing when they see that you're working with them to try and correct your child's behavior. Things go a lot more smoothly when teachers can see that you're trying to work with them.

I have problems with this on again off again with my little ones. My son has been having a hard time adjusting this year to first grade and we discovered the problem is they don't give snacks like they do in K or naps. So I have adjusted his bed time to an earlier time, I send snacks in his backpack plus a protein shake (carnation instant breakfast is his favorite) in a thermos for him at lunch. He seems a lot calmer and I am getting far less negative reports. We also got this book called 7 habits of happy kids and that seems to be helping him learn some coping skills. It's a picture book so it's perfect for his age level.

As a classroom teacher, it is extremely important for you to reinforce consequences at home. I teach older kids, but if I discuss with a parent problems a child is having in class and the parent doesn't reinforce at home that the behavior is a problem the child begins to believe that the teacher is the only one with the problem. They begin to see that if it were really a big deal mom would do something about it and since mom doesn't they aren't really doing anything wrong. Their behaviors are justified to them and they continue or intensify. In addition it is possible that the child will begin to lose respect for the authority of the teacher. I agree with the other responses that there may be an underlying cause to this change in behvior. I would definitely investigate, but it is still not an appropriate response to react in the way your son is. It is important to talk to him about way he is acting out and discuss appropriate ways to handle his emotions. That will really help him in the future as well since we all know that there are people/situations/problems that are difficult to handle throughout our lives.

YES! All actions have consequences so acting out in school has consequences too...
Things like having them write sentances (about 3 per year of age.) something like I know swearing is bad. Do unto others etc... Or a letter to apologize to the teacher. Even a face to face apology with mom or dad staring over their shoulder...
And not just a mumbled I'm sorry... The whole thing, I am sorry BECAUSE... This is why and i will try to rise above the urge to do it next time speal.
If it happens again I would still make them do that but add losing a privelege, again? Write, loose privelege, and add a chore...
Its best to be a bit tough about it until they get the meaning behind it at the age of 6 or 7 than to have a 15 or 16 yr old that has to learn the lesson the HARDER way...

A good talking to also is a must. Sit down and tell them... This action has this reaction... You do it, I do this... Kids need forwarning. Its like when your mom would say go to your room till your dad gets home... Oh, that feeling in your stomac when you hear the car pull in... :-) Just remind them that there are better ways to express yourself and brainstorm some ideas together on different ways to handle the urges... Instead of swearing come up with a code word... Like cupcakes... Harmless to most peoples ears, but a way to get the emotions out... Hitting? maybe blink if you feel the urge to hit... Ask him what he thinks would work... Let him set his own codes as long as you approve it...
Good luck!!! And keep on. Parenting is a long road of trial and error WITH EACH KID. All you can do is learn the habits and skills to help them thru it.

I had this problem with my son when he was in head start and kindergarden, and when he got to first grade it started again and I was taking things away, having talks, you name it, but when first grade hit I was really getting frustrated with it. I sat down and had a serious talk with him, and told him if he did not quit his behavior he was going to end up in a place he really did not like(Juvinile center) of some sorts. I explained to him what is was like there and that if he did not show an progress I would let him experience it first hand for a few days since they do let you give your kids an eye opening experience, and that during those few day he would not be able to see anyone in the family. This scared him and got him to realize he did not want to be in a place like that. At the end of his first grade year he got all A and B's on the behavior part and is now doing an excellent job according to the principle this year in 2nd grade. I forgot to mention that also throughout the rest of his first grade year when he did good he got money and by the end of the school year he saved up every penny of it to buy the birds that he has now a cockatiel and a parakeet at the end of first grade and you figure a cockatiel is not cheap around 90 bucks or so. We just had his first conference and I told him if I got a good report we could go afterwards to his book fair and he could get three of the books he wanted. Guess what he got his three books.

Since you said GOD has been your rock take a look at the passage that says if you spare the rod you will spoil the child. Take heed to it.

Well, first of all... where is he learning bad language???? Talk, talk, talk to him.....if you and your husband don't use inappropriate language ask him why he thinks this is okay? Sounds like some anger is coming from somewhere.....you need him to talk to you. There should be consequences absolutely. Time out, take away privileges. This is important stuff. Good Luck.