Help!!! - Farmington,MI

It sounds like his little world has gone tupsy-turvy and this is how he's dealing with it. You have to be stronger. It's hard, but you have to. He's probably feeling insecure and testing you and what he can get away with. I'm sure you've heard that kids always want attention whether it's good or bad and so when he acts up he has 100% of your attention. You need to be the one in control of everything - not him. No matter how loud he screams, cries, whines, you can't give in. Over time (maybe weeks or months) it'll finally start to get better if you stay consistent. Set exact rules about everything, explain them to him so he knows what they are and then follow through with them. If he breaks a rule then he needs a punishment. The punishments that work best in our house is loss of privileges like tv, video games, certain toys, etc. It will be hard, but I promise if you can do this things will eventually get better and it'll give him more security, confidence and he'll be happier. Be strong.

Regarding the potty training, don't worry about that right now. Get the other stuff under control because you can't force a child to be potty trained - it'll happen when he's ready.

Good luck!

You have to be firm and consistant no matter how hard you think it is that is the ONLY way you are going to get it any better! Her acts the way he does because you let him! You also need to sit down with your mom and make it clear that what you says goes! You are the mother and you need to make sure that he knows that. You can be firm an loving at the same time! You know the thing is that kids want boundaries that is why he is constanly pushing htem, he wants to know what they are!
I worked with kids whose parents didn't do this and as teeagers ended up in the court system and were taken away. And you know once they got used to the consistency adn boundaries most of them were so much happier!

As for why he is doing this is probably because of the situation he is in withthe divorce and all and he knows he has no control over that so he is trying to asert some contro where he can, like not going on the potty anymore. With that are jsut be consistent and give him time. Boys take longer to potty train too so that may be osme of it!
Good Luck I really hope this helps you!

Knowing that discipline is a weak spot of yours is a great start. Now you just need to fight your instincts and instill some hard-fast rules and stick by them. This situation is probably even tougher for your son than it is for you. You are old enough to understand "life" if you will, but your son just lost the only dad that he has known and probably wonders when other people are going to disappear from his life too. If you don't stick to the rules now, his behavior will just get worse and the problems will get bigger as he gets older. You'll probably have atleast a month where you think you are going to lose your mind because it is more difficult to disipline than it is to give in. I think a month and you'll notice a big difference in the behavior, but only if you are consistant. You'll also need everyone in the house following the same rules. Sit down a write up a bedtime routine and then stick to it. If he screams about not getting something, come up with a punishment (time-out, loss of something, etc) but once he screams under no circumstance give-in. It will only make it worse. It will be difficult to reprogram his behavior but because of all the change in his life, he needs consistancy. He needs to learn limitations and it will only get more difficult the longer you wait. Good luck. This isn't easy, but true parenting rarely is.

I have a 4 y.o. daughter who has been going through something herself, so I can empathize. I've had some confusion about how to discipline her and her 2 y.o. brother. I think the best thing that happened for us was that I made a real effort to emotionally connect with my children. Kids don't want to misbehave; they are trying to tell us something because they just don't know how to tell us verbally. Your boy has some big hurts that he needs to heal . . . and if you really want to get to the bottom of why he is acting up (I think you probably already know), you'll need to be more sensitive to his emotional needs. That doesn't mean letting him dictate how he is to be treated, but that also means going against a lot of what mainstream parenting advice suggests. You will need to gain a new understanding about the way kids work to get where you want to be with your son. A really fantastic book I would suggest you read is Connection Parenting by Pam Leo. You may not agree with any or all of the things she suggests at the outset. But open your mind, do the exercises and above all, read the whole book! You might find it to be just the answer you are looking for. I did! The Potty Training can happen once you address his emotional hurts in a loving way. If he says that the toilet hurts him, you should ask more questions and investigate. What part of him hurts, when does it hurt (when he's pushing? sitting? etc.) He might have hemorrhoids or his anus could be protruding . . . you'll have to check him out or even take him to the dr. But that's a good reason to stop potty training . . . you don't want to traumatize him about the toilet. Good Luck, and God Bless you T..

You sound like you have your hands full. I thought Maria K gave good advice. I feel sad for your boy.

I also have little patience but my lack of patience makes me firm. For now you are the bigger one and the smarter one, so now is the time to establish that you are the boss that way when you are no longer the bigger, smarter one (coming sooner than you think) your reign can continue.

You likly feel very overwhelmed w/ where to start becasue so much is out of wack, just take it one step at a time. I would do a list of your boys bad behaiviors and a list of actions to change these. Pick the easiest to chage first and work your way down one at a time to the worst. Try not to move too fast.

Parenting is about love and training. If you love your boy do not do the easiest thing, he will despise you in the end if you do.

You still have time to change him into a sweet boy who people and you can enjoy.

One more thing, I will share w/ you... Tonight at dinner my 11 month old boy was happily eating his noddles, until he caught sight of a dish a cottage cheese (he loves it), after seeing it he refused to eat his noddles and was crying and trying so hard to tell me what he wanted (like I did not know). He would shove my hand away when I tried to feed him a noddle. I thought "just eat the noodles, then you can have the cottage cheese!" as if he could get that! I wanted to give in and just pacify him then and there, but I did not. I moved the desired bowl back to the kitchen and told him "all done" he cried a bit, and then was once again a happy boy eating his noodles. After his noddles were gone he got his cottage cheese.

We all have times we want to give in but just stick it out and stick to want you want your child to do. Love him and play with him.