Help!! - Midlothian,IL

I agree that if possible, sit down with her and let her know her child is being rejected. I don't know what kind of job she has that would not require her to have good hygiene but I would throw out one more thing. THis is not to give an excuse but...is there a chance she could be suffering from depression? A former friend of mine did not pay close attn to her kids for almost 2 yrs. They would be dirty going to school, would play at lunch time. Finally the principal at the school had a conference with her and asked her if there was anything she could do because the kids came to school dirty and smelling awful. She was able to convince her to see the school counselor who got her to go to the doctor. She took an antidepressant under doctors care and I heard things have improved a lot. Her kids are honor students..and clean. She also stopped smoking and drinking.

God Bless You!
You are an angel in this child's life!

I would tell her gently that it concerns you that the other children are rejecting her child because of a lack of hygiene. Ask her to be more attentive by 'supervising' his/her cleanliness routine.
If mom's hygiene is as bad as you describe I dont hold out much hope that she will be put more effort into keeping her child clean but it's worth a shot.
I commend you for opening your home to these poor souls.

Thank God you are in this child's life. You clearly are all that he has right now but the factor that needs to be weighed it how much are you willing to do? It's absolutely wonderful you're willing to do these things for him but when does the line get drawn? After all, you are not his parent and as someone suggested about washing his clothes and what not, you will be assuming the role of the mother when he already has one but who is obviously unwilling to care for him. I do agree with Sue X that this is neglect. I would also call DCFS. As a daycare provider, you need to be the voice for this child who is unable to speak up for himself or to even know what's wrong in his situation. I know it seems hard because you know this mother and you need the income but please look at the long-term outcome of this and not just the here-and-now. This child needs to be cared for and you're not going to be able to do it forever. Eventually he will leave your daycare at some point and then what's going to happen? I can't say that my answer is the right way but I do ask that you please seriously consider helping him by calling DCFS. That poor child, I feel so badly for him.

Some more food for thought, if he's this dirty and gets that way even after you clean him, only imagine the conditions he's sleeping/living in otherwise. I can't imagine it being anything other than squalor. He's probably sleeping in filth. And the reason he eats that way is because I would bet you're the only person who actually feeds him meals. Children who eat like that have been deprived of food. Yes, it's a manners thing too but he's probably starving. He just doesn't know any better.

personally it sounds like neglect and i'd call DCFS but that's just me.

What a tough spot to be in. I did in home day care and 2 brothers told me their bath day was Sunday, that was it. Luckily they were older and played outside after school.

I think your doing the right thing by bathing him. I would talk to his mom, stressing germs going around. It doesn't sound like it would do much good though. Since you need the income, you could tell her he needs to be clean whether it's by her or you. I would ask her for a few days worth of clothes each week. Wash them and then dress him in fresh outfits each day when he arrives. Maybe she should bring him 10 min. earlier so you can do a quick bath.
As for eating, could you come up w/a fun game or reward system and get all the kids involved. Each one teaching him a utensil? Make it fun for everyone. You didn't mention how old he is. Good luck, you are so kind to take care of this poor child. Just imagine the days he's not with you.

I do daycare as well and its a tough one. I would feel for the kid if you had to have her leave and he wouldn't have you to care for him. Maybe you can sent out a note to all parents in daycare that since flu season is upon us we need to make sure we are extra careful with good hygiene. I understand not wanting to lose the money with the way things are lately. Good luck

Wow, this is a really tough and sad situation. It breaks my heart. I think you just need to set up a time, alone, with the mom and tell her how this breaks your heart. Let her know how much you care for the child, and how badly he needs her to take better care of him. Tell her what your concerns are- that he won't know how to take care of himself, how he will be more likely to get sick, how his teeth are going to be affected, and remind her what you have been doing for him. I think if you say it gently enough, and with enough concern, she can get it. I would also ask her if she's having trouble caring for him, and listen to her side of it. I would also warn her that once he reaches school age, worse things can happen- i.e. DCFS, her being charged with neglect, etc. and that you don't want to see that happen, so it's best to work on it now.

I would also suggest talking to a grammar school in your area, and find out how they deal with things like this, so you know and can tell her, and it might help you in how to approach it. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I am most sad for the little boy who is being neglected. That is what really upsets me.

Please let us know how it goes when you talk to her...

Hugs,
T.

www.ReadandGrow.com

I could not agree more with Tammy's advice. I think a heart to heart conversation with the mother is in order. She needs to know that these are your observations and concerns. If the child was in a daycare center, preschool or elementary school, they would also discuss their observations with the parent and develop steps to improve his care and hygiene. Essentially you are putting her on "notice". I would do it with a kind and gentle approach while expressing your sincere concerns for his health and basic needs.

And finally, let me state that I do not profess to be a legal expert but as far as photos, I would be careful. Do you have a signed parental consent to take his photo? I would continue to take photos if that is what you have been doing in the normal operation of your home daycare (documenting activities, outings etc). Specifically taking photos for the purposes of documenting the alleged neglect could be tricky especially if not a law enforcement officer or health care provider. HOWEVER, if you so desire, you could take very detailed notes of his appearance, your actions (haircut, fingernail clippings, bathing etc) and any pertinent conversations with his mother.

Best of luck! And please let us know how things turn out.

I would start by writing down each day how the child comes to your care and I would also take pictures. Next I would get in touch with Children's Home and Aid and see what they recommend. If your are comfortable enough talk to the mother privately, there maybe more gong on in this child's life then you know about. This family might really need your support and help right now. Best of luck. I hope everything works out for everyone.

Hi there. I really don't know what to say. It sounds like a very difficult predicament. It breaks my heart to think that something in the child's home life could be amiss thus placing this child in a less than ideal situation.

Could it be possible that the child is extremely hungry (possibly underfed/malnourished) and therefore a little overzealous when presented with good solid food? It sounds rather like the mom is not very involved in day to day care so it would stand to reason that maybe the child doesn't really know how to use utensils and/or have a lot of practice with them.

Those are just some thoughts.

I really hope things work out well for you and this child in whatever course of action you decide to take.

Best of luck.