Help!!!! - Macomb, MI

I had a simular situation when I was going through my divorce. I spoke with my lawyer and he got us in court in just a few days for the judge to hear what was going on. The judge then ordered for there to be no other person, other then relatives, present when either of us had the child. It worked out well for my son. You should definately let your lawyer know what's going on. I'm sure he or she can give you some advice on where to take this if the father doesn't see the problem in what he's doing. Good luck to you!

T., In reading your letter I kind of get the feeling you weren't the one who wanted the divorce. I could be wrong. But if I am right. Remember that the children are more confused and hurt then either of you. They never asked for their world to be turned upside down. Please move cautiously with any move you make. children sometimes without even parents realizing it, become our pawn in a game that we play with our ex's. One wrong move and it can dramatically effect our childrens lives forever.

T.,
I was having a bit of the same issue with my sons dad. Even though my son is only 7 at the school he goes to they have a lot of homework and spelling test. Well besides my son being late to school on the days his dad had him he was not doing well on his spelling test. Well I decided to talk to both his dad and my son at different times and not infront of each other. I told my son that if he was not going to be responsible for studing for his test while he was at his dad's that I would not let him go over there on weekdays. I gentle let his dad know my concerns about the tardies and let him know how his test were going durning is weekday visits. I did tell his dad that I was watching very closely because school is so important to both him and I. I have to say that this year everything has been going smooth. No tardies and very good test scores. I know it is hard to keep your emotions out of it but for the kids sack and this is the time when your daughter really needs stablity.

In all honestey I would talk to your daughter on this decision, she is at the age that any court will listen to her opinion, but I would try to modify visitation schedules so she is not with him on school nights leading into a school day, and it allows you to oversee her grades and make sure she is in school on time. If he is not responsible enough to get her to school on time, she needs the change for her education.With both kids in school joint cusdity is difficult if one of the parties is not acting responsible.
I an currenty fighting for full physical cusdity of my son so I know some of the senario personally my only thing is my ex lives 2 hrs away and school nights are not an issue just how many weekends per months and how much time during the summer.
I would still talk to you daughter first and get her imput, the last thing kids need at that age is changes without involement.

She maybe having troubles with the over all situation. If she doesn't have an active father in her life it may do more harm then good to pull time. Then you will also have to go through why her brother still gets to go. I would try having her talk to some one. My boys have been through a divorce and I couldn't believe all the things I didn't pick up on that they were so open to talk to a therapist.

First of all, do you have any temporary, court-ordered custody arrangements for the children? Also, did your husband adopt your daughter? If he did and there are court-ordered documents, he has to follow those rules that the judge set for him. If he isn't following those rules, I would contact my attorney and see if you guys need to go back to court.
If you don't have any court-ordered arrangements, you need to have a talk with your kids. If you have tried talking with your ex about your concerns and he isn't listening, you should see how your kids feel about things. Obviously, your son isn't quite mature enough at five years old to make decisions on his own. But, at 13, your daughter should be. Just tell her your concerns and see what her thoughts are. The best conclusion is one that you guys can come to as a team. Good Luck!!

T., I'd go to the Friend of the Court, explain the situation & first see what they advise. Usually if something is prohibiting the children from their daily routine, FOC will investigate what's going on. Don't be afraid to use them as the scapegoat. It's really the only leverage you have as a single parent. Trust me, I had to do the same thing. You don't even have to go there, you only need to call them. They work very well for me in Macomb County, Michigan.
K.