Help - Lawrenceville,GA

ok... so scary! I would say some tough love and tough parenting need to happen before he gets really out of control but... you already know that and I don't know what to tell you after that. Teens have a lot of angst but it sounds like he might have a little more than the usual. Is there a councelor he can talk with? Best wishes to you, and if I think of anything more I will write. Jess

It seems like there is a LOT going on with the 3 of you. Without knowing more details, it is hard to give "advice" on your situation. My first thoughts are you all getting into counseling, esp. you and your son, to work through the different things going on. 15 is a tough age, especially not having a father-figure around, and acting out because he doesn't know how to express himself.

First let me applaud you on being a single mom, and caring about your child, as a single mom I know it is a tough job. I would agree with the other responses, and say this is a behavior issue that probably needs to be addressed by a therapist, or a pastor. In today's society it is so easy to be lead by the wrong person or crowd, so maybe your son need's some new friends maybe from a youth group. I would also address the issue with his father. If he is going to be in the child's life, he needs to be there full time, and committed to helping this child become an adult who can handle life, and make wise decisions. It is very, very difficult to accept an absent parent that just shows up, so I imagine your son has a lot of emotions that he just doesn't know how to handle. I wish you the best and pray for you all.

Call your pediatrician and get the name of a therapist. Ask the therapist to have a talk with your son. The talk should go something like this. You are at a crossroads in your life right now. On the path to the right is therapy and some hard work that you will have to do but on the other side of that is a great life. On the path to the left is the criminal justice system and a life that is limited because of things like criminal record and a misspent childhood. It's your choice.

Since Dad has not been in the picture, it would be a great idea to get a male therapist. Your son is having some out of control behavior and there is a reason for it. He may not be aware of why he is doing what he is doing and hopefully a therapist will help him figure out why. Ultimately, the decision of which path to take will be his and as a mom I feel for you. Hope this helps, S.

If I was you I would let him deal with him at least he showed up that shows he do care a little. We need to learn as mothers to let the men help us if its only a little, let him help we can not do it all, we cant teach boys how to be men, we dont know we are women. IT's OK

After going thru some of this when my son was younger, it is best to let them learn the hard way. 'Tough Love' is the answer, but I also think that you know your son better than anyone, especially the dead beat dad. To keep you sanity, let your son make his mistakes and pay the price for them. It will either make him or break him. I am so sorry you are going thru this. You go girl, going back to school.

I have a 15 year old son, some type of issues. I got so many calls from the school about him, "come get him", "he just cursed out a teacher", "he just got into a fight", he's suspended" you name it I heard it. The sad thing is as much stuff as he gets into at school, he has rally great grades and they can't figure out how. He was on the honor roll last semeter but was out of school more than he was in. Go figure. I am now to the point I told the school "don't call me. If you can't deal with him call the police to come get him". Now, I love my child and he is my youngest so I deal with the whole "mamas baby thing" but like I told him, it's because I love you that if the police lock you up I won't come get you out. He is now at the age where everything he does will be with him. He has to start making better choices. The police picked him up @14 for trying to steal a car, @13 for joy riding in a stolen car with no license, @12 for affray (fighting) and destroying private property, assult, battery, theft by taking. At those ages all they could do was give him a pat on the back side and send him on his way. Now at 15, the ball game has changed. His school bus driver told him to sit down, he cursed her out and continued to cut a fool on that bus. The driver politly pulled over an called the police. They came and took his behind off the bus and brought him home. It really shocked him, but the thing I think really got him good was the fact that the police came back the next day to talk with him. Scared the bejesus out of him. Haven't had a problem since. In a nut shell, we have to sometimes let them go in order to save them. Kids are hard headed and don't think fire burns, but we have to let it burn them so they get an understanding on thier own. Hang in there, it does get better.

well i hate to say this but better to have him learn as a juvinille then a adult. i had my 17 year old arrested after he hit his father in an attempt to teach him while he was still a juvinille that its not ok to go around hitting people just because you feel like it.did it work well now he wont talk to me but i think i sent a very powerful message to him when i still had some say so in his life that there will be consiquences for your actions.

I have a son that is almost 17 and was a single parent myself when he was younger. I think you should face the trouble head on, get him into some kind of therapy b/c he is obviously acting out for some reason. When my son was younger he constantly got into small troubles. I think that negative attention is attention none the less and sometimes they crave that. He is probably confused with his father coming back into his life and does not know how to cope with all his feelings. I would be a supportive mother with trying to bail him out but at the same time, explain that there are consequences for every action and that you are not always going to be there to help him out of troubles. It is a lot easier as a juvenile to get them out of legal troubles than when they are grown. Good luck. I wish you the best.

My two older stepchildren (now 18 and 22) got into a lot of trouble when they were in high school. It was always a fact that their mother or father (my husband) tended to sheild them from the real consequences of their actions. I feel that they still don't understand true consequences for their actions, but we have learned from this.

On another note, I can remember my brother breaking into a church when he was 16 and stealing all the sound & computer equipment. My parents prayed about it and had him apologize to the church and then face whatever the church decided would be the appropriate punishment. Luckily for him they made him make repairs and clean up and write an apology letter. He got off pretty easy but it scared him straight.

I don't think even your son's biological father wants to see him get in trouble, so if you two can be amicable and present a united front to your son, maybe it will make a good impression on him. You have to put the past in its place....the past and move on for your son's sake. It may be good to have a male role model especially at this time in his life (if he can be a good role model).

Still letting your son face the consequences of his actions now, while he is still a juvenile, my keep him from continuing the trend when the punishment is more harsh, as an adult. Good luck, keep praying for him. Don't give up on hope, he is still a child.

Wow, I can so relate to some of the problems you are having. Where does your son go to school? My son has gotten into some trouble lately as well. He is so smart and has just completely given up on school and is border line failing. It is so upsetting as he is wasting so much talent. I hope to hear back from you.