Help! - Novi, MI

If your son is only 2, and you can stay at home, he doesn't really need preschool, and it sounds like he's not ready. I agree in principal to the previous advice and that definitely applies. I had my middle son in preschool at 3, like his older brother who did well. But it went badly. I felt it was necessary to socialize him and I needed the break, but he really suffered. I kept him in thinking he'd "get better". He still has some anxiety issues and we had 2 very bad years in 3rd and 1st grades. He's 11 now and doing fine, but I wonder if I'd let him pace himself if he wouldn't have matured emotionally a bit more stable. Maybe not, but you shouldn't think you have to send him. You could socialize him at a play group or something where you can observe him and start to understand his patterns.

Hello S., The two things that come to mind for me are #1. He isn't getting enough sleep, and the extra play and stimulation at day care is showing how tired he is. This age usually needs around 10-12 hrs of sleep. #2. Parenting. The child is never the problem, just the result of their environment. Go to the library and get books on parenting. My favorite was by Kevin Lemon(sp). "Getting children to mind without losing yours" I believe is the title. Don't take offense, I was in your shoes, I raised 3 kids and had to learn as I went. You don't have a bad child, just a child that is doing bad things. Good luck to you.

I have learned from my daughter that I need to be open and honest with her. I need to prepare her for the day and let her know ahead of time what we will be doing. I am respectful of her and I do not play any "tricks". When I tell her that she is going to go and play with some friends while Mommy has an appointment she gets excited about playing... if I don't tell her ahead of time she will cry and be extremely upset, feeling like I am not coming back.

Maybe you could try telling him ahead of time what is going on?

L.
http://www.HealthyFamilyHome.com

i know what you are going through. My son did the same thing. we would pick him up from school and he would talk back or hit us or something. We kept talking to his teachers to find out what was going on. Come to find out it was of a nother child acting out. they see what it can do. they try it. I had my son in the same school and he has done alot better. he will not be going back in the fall he will be starting kindergarden.

My husband has been a stay at home dad for the better part of my 4 year olds life. However, at one point he took a full time, day job and she went to her Great-Aunts house for day care. At the time she was maybe a year old, but we noticed that her behavior to my husband was very bad. She wouldn't go to him, and if we forced the issue she would push on him and try to get away. She was just mean for a 1 year old. After a couple weeks though it got better. We talked to some people, and we determined that it was her way at getting back at him for leaving her. Once she realized that daddy was always home when we got home, and the new routine settled into place, she was fine. It may be that your son is feeling the same way - that you are leaving him, and this is his way of paying you back. I wouldn't give up something you enjoy to get him to behave, as that gives him exactly what he wants, and punishes you (in a way). Give it time, give him extra affection, and maybe spend some time with him before you go to the gym explaining what is going to happen and let him know that you will be back. You might even give him a time - like 1 hour. He may not understand how to tell time, but it's something finite for him. By doing this, you'll create a child that can adjust to different situations easily, and not a child that grows up to expect to get his way all the time.

It appears that your little guy is extremely stressed by the presence of lots of other children, or possibly the caregivers he doesn't know or trust, or some other aspect of being in 'group' care.

Viola Lenin, one of the founders of La Leche League said this:

If children were meant to be raised in groups, they'd be born in litters.

I think she's onto something.

I have noticed that apparently-compliant, 'happy' children in care very often have meltdowns following a day of it, because they're not feeling safe and secure enough to express that stress *there* and wait until they get home to express it where they do feel safe.

On the up side, this means your little guy still trusts you as a safe place to fall. On the downside, it means he's definitely not ready yet to separate from you, at least not in these conditions. That's normal, btw -- human children do not typically separate easily from their parents until they're about 4.

You have a very powerful 2 year old. He obviously know how to push your buttons and he's doing it. How is he at child care? If he is fine there, keep up with routine and don't tolerate his behavior. He might be tired or just demanding. A little time out to give you a break is fine. It's not easy. I used to have trouble with this "stage" as well. Your are the parent, so set the rules, or routine and he has to realize the world doesn't revolve around him. It's more loving to teach that to him now that it will be as he gets older.