Having Issues with 2 1/2 Year Old Not Going Sleep and Waking up at Night

I saw something the other day that suggested if your child was having bad dreams to give them an old TV remote with no batteries in it and tell them that if they had a bad dream they just needed to "change channels" to a good dream

wHEN YOU SAY CRYING IT OUR" ARE YOU TALKONG ABOUT THE DR. HERBER METHOD?IF SO JUST GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK AND STICK TO YOUR SCHEDULE AND DON'T UNDER ANY CONDITIONS ALTER YOUR ROUTINE. SLEEP IS SO IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN AND PARENTS AND SIBLINGS. DON'T FOCUS ON WHY? ALL CHILDREN HAVE TO FACE SIBLINGS FOR THE MOST PART. YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT WE HAVE CHILDREW AND OUR OLDER KIDS FEEL ONFUSED AND UNCERTAIN ABOUT THERE PLACE. JUST GON'T WAVER. IF YOUR CHILD DOES FEEL INCREASED ANXIETY ABOUT A NEW SIBLING. THEN WHAT BETTER WAY TO HELP HIM THAN TO OFFER A SCHEDULE THAT INCLUDES REGULAR SLEEP AND GOOD NUTRITION AND PLENTY OF LOVE. THE INCIDENCES OF REGRESSION WILL GET MUCH LESS FREQUENT. I LIVE BY THIS BOOK, AND IT IS A MARRIAGE SAVER.

all I can say is that this is just a phase and u will get through it, but I don't ignoring them or giving into them everytime is the answer. You have to find a happy medium, that hopefully will work w/ your daughter and the rest of the family. Try talking to her pediatrician as well, and ask what they recommend.

I think she is truly scared. As to the dragons, it was more then likely one of those wonderful TV advertisements or a poster she might have seen in a store. I LOVE the idea of the dragon spray. Maybe you could give her a special item she could hold at night to protect her at all times. You say she is bright, have you tried going to the lib or internet and educate her on what is a real being and what is a made up one? I would resurch this and talk it over with your husband first so that you know what is safe to show her. You wouldn't want to open a web site with a terrifing dragon on it in front of her. You could even ask her what she wanted to learn about dragons so she could understand them better. That might be to much for her though. You know her better to think about that. If your family believe in God as ours does, you could just sit down with her and make up a little prayer to keep the dragons away. Invite some family over and have a massive dragon hunt. Send them in all directions looking and calling out on and off as they go "No dragons in the bedroom, etc" That way she will feel that with all those people helping her look how could a dragon possibly hide from everyone??? If none of that works you could have a minister come to the house and look around like under the bed and closet in her room or anywhere else in the house. He could then tell her no dragons under the bed, etc, as he goes along. If you can easily hear her and know she has said the prayer or Magic words. Have your hubby hook up a small light that you can flash on and off from your room, so she can see that her words were heard and the room is dragon proof. I say flash it on and off when she says the words to send her comformation of being heard. I think you will hear the magic words less and less. I would put the light in when she isn't home, but type up and read the directions to her when you first show it to her. If it comes with direction it has to work right? LOL. Leaving the light on is good too. But if the the situation gets better after awhile I would turn the light off so that she doesn't become dependant on it or afraid of the dark. That could be a hard thing to correct if you let her have it on for too long of a time.

I hope this helps. BTW I think some of these ideas would work on boogie men, monsters, bugs or any scary thing that could be thought up. I think it would work on ex husbands/wives too, LOL we all have our own scary things.

Good luck and I will say a prayer to help her feel safe.
Maybe the other mommy's on here will too :)

Hi J.
I can really sympathasize with you (did I spell that right ?) oh well - anyway, something to think about is the seperation anxiety thing - the comfort for her is with you - we tried many things with our 4 children, they all went through it - and grew out of it in different time. My Italian in-laws suggested telling them that if they continued to come to our bed they would grow feathers because they were chicken - yah - that did great things for their fears! So I did some searching and found a wonderful book called "The kissing hand" which is a wonderfully kind story animated with a Mama raccoon and her baby. The story goes to the effect that Mama would kiss her baby's hand on the inside of her palm and when Mama was away and baby was missing her, or afraid, baby could put her own palm on her cheek to get a kiss of comfort from Mama. It's a great story and my favorite, I can't find it right now or recall the author but I bet you could "google it" and get it. It really helped. That, and a ritual of putting the "dragons" or whatever they feared to bed in a shoebox in our room! That kept 'em out too! Good Luck, I hope it helps.
Kat

I think that it is fine for her to come into bed with you. Parenting is 24/7. I know it is hard if you have to get up in the morning etc. But fighting it will make you sleepier and it will not harm your child to sleep with you. All of my children have slept with me and then in their own time they went to their own beds. They are confident, sensitive and secure and have no fears etc. If I have a bad dream or an anxious moment at night I have the comfort of having my husband next to me and I am an adult. She is a child and needs comforting right now even if it is in the middle of the night. Don't we want to show our children that we are there for them as well at all times. I think it will give your child the security and attention she needs from you right now. Having a new sibling and you going back to work can effect her in a variety of way. She may be beyond her years as you say and even if she is using tactics( I just think she needs your comfort) she is doing it to be with you because she needs you! She may be expressing a need from you right now. I recommend the book "The Family Bed"

Your girl is going through a lot of changes right now! I guess personally I would be inclined to cut her a little slack, and spend as much time as you can with her while she's awake. She has some legitimate fears right now about losing her mama -- you're a lot less available than you have been in the past -- and she needs some extra love and reassurance while she adjusts. If you can, get papa to step in to help fill the gap, either by taking on more of the household responsibilities to free up your time or by spending more togetherness time with her himself. It's worth putting in some extra effort during this transition time. You'll get fewer hassles at bedtime if she's gotten enough loving during the day, and the dragons will go away on their own once you all adjust to your new life situation.

J.,

I went through much the same thing with my oldest when she was little. Because of my insecurities, she didn't regularly sleep through the night until she was about six. Your daughter probably IS reacting to the new baby and your going back to work. But that doesn't mean you have to give in to her demands. She needs to learn that she can get herself to sleep. Supernanny has a great technique which I wish I had learned years ago. You and the child make sure she has everything she needs when she gets into bed. Then its story and cuddle time and then go to sleep time. You have to drill it into your head that your child will not be scarred for life if she doesn't get a glass of milk or whatever tactic she is using to get your attention. Ignore her. If she gets out of bed, put her back without comment and without eye contact for as many times as it takes to get her to stay in bed and go to sleep. My kids are all in school now and not one of them appears to have any emotional scars from being made to sleep in their own bed. In fact, its my oldest (16 now) who has to be pushed to step out of her comfort zone and deal with her fears.

although i dont believe in "crying it out" for several reasons, including documented studies showing its ill effects, i would say at this age its even more detrimental. your 6 month old was crying and you didnt resond, but at 6 months she didnt have the capability to comprehend what that all means as she now does. at this age, you arent trying to get her to fall asleep without a soothing device, you will be leaving a frightened child in a room with dragons, and her mommy and daddy dont save her. i understand it sounds silly but i believe that will make her more scared and clingy than she already is. although the water was a nice attempt that sometimes works, what you really did was validate her fears by acknowledging the dragons are real. i see most recommend validating her fears saying "i know you are scared..." but never validate that you as the adult believe as well.
all children go thru this, my daughter never watched television, and only watched movies since 2 1/2 but she still spoke of monsters and needs all the doors shut in the room at night.
i would completely agree that all these changes going on in your family are the cause. even when children love their new sibling, they may still have issues about you after the baby arrives. if you ignore her at night, she may develop jealousy seeing you tend to the baby's cries and not hers, and start reverting farther back trying to be like a baby for your attention. try to give her some slack,its alot of stuff to deal with when a new baby comes home.
i wish you luck. everytime we as parents think we have our babies figured out, they do a 180 on us. we just have to ride it out. but again, "crying it out" or "ferberizing" was not intended for this situation.

I had the same problem with my daughter when she just turned 3. We bought and moved into a new house and about a month after the dust settled, my perfect sleeper wasn't so perfect anymore. She had mirrors in her new room that were from ceiling to the middle of the wall and they extended along most of the walls. Her thing that she was afraid of was "the Monsters in the mirrors."
Bedtime was a fight where before it was brush teeth, story, and off to sleep. She would not lay in her bed unless I laid with her and with a toddler bed that was no small feat. So I thought getting a new "big girl bed" with new Dora bedding would help. The only thing that help is that I fit in her bed with her! I spent many nights laying with her until she fell asleep because she doesn't fall asleep in our bed. I felt helpless and my Husband tried to help but she wanted nothing to do with Daddy at bedtime.
So I started to let her cry it out as this is what we did when she was weaned from night feedings around 6 months old. She had slept through the night peacefully from then on until this. It was painful to listen to her because unlike when she was 6 mo old, she could now scream "Mommy, come get me", "Mommy, I'm scared." and it broke my heart. My husband helped me get through it and we would lay in bed and listen to her scream, which generally lasted for about 10 minutes after a few hour long fits the first nights.
It's something I think they all go through as their little minds are curious and full of fantasy. I also made up a new story that I told her every night before leaving her to cry which I think started to appease her fears, it was called "Princess Amelia and the Monsters in the Mirrors." I told it like the story of the princesses she loved so much and the fairy godmother with a flip of her wand got rid of all of the monsters. I think the story helped her face her fears and gave her the power to wish the monsters away.
It took a few weeks but now our house is once again peaceful at bedtime. I hope that this to shall pass for you and Good luck!