Having Another Baby? - Copperas Cove,TX

I don't want to sound harsh and cold, but don't you two have enough kids to provide for? Large families used to be the norm, but in today's economy and the world overpopulation and environment problems, do you really want to bring another child into this world? My advice is to adequately provide for the ones you have and enjoy them - setting up college savings programs, getting them into team sports or music lessons, having family vacations, etc... Only have the number of kids you can provide for - financially, physically, emotionally. Parenting is the toughest job if you do it correctly.

Are you religious? If you are believing in God and His Word.. then you want to obey HIM. God said to go forth and multiply. There is a difference between adding and multiplying. If you are not religious then I don't know what to tell you. However, God said blessed is the man who hath his quiver full (of children).

It sounds like your happy with the four kids you have now. I would tell him that, tell him that you love being able to provide those four kiddos with all that attention, and that soon the oldest will be a teenager and that in itself is a big challenge. Tell him you want to be able to give him the attention he deserves as well.

you'll never regret having a child. You can only regret not having one.

If you are questioning enough to post I think you need to talk with your husband. Discuss your concerns and then make the decision.

In your shoes I would have another one if you feel physically/mentally able. If you are religious at all I would pray about it 'til you found peace with your decision (to have more or not).

Also in response to the person prejudiced against large families, I am one of six children. My parents didn't have more children than they could support, and lived more economically and environmentally friendly lifestyles than many smaller families. Far from being a drain on society we comprise two engineers, two teachers, a doctor and a counselor.

You have to do what you think is best for you and the family. If I were in your shoes, could afford it, I would have another one for sure! Kids are wonderful! You are still young!! But you have to do what you think is best and do what you think you can handle. Best of luck on your joint decision.

I don't think "not minding" another child means you really want one. These are people you are creating and they should be wholeheartedly wanted. You are already doing a phenomenal amount - 4 kids, school, and he's no help? I can't even imagine. Obviously, you have to talk it through with your husband, but I think another poster gave great advice about letting him see what it's really like. He needs to be concerned about you, not just adding to his collection. If he's not, then you have your answer. If he is, then you decide together.

it sounds like the perfect situation to have another...i vote yes!

I would say that you kind of do not want another kid and should not have another, if you don't want to. Your husband has had it easy being away and allowing you to deal with the kids, so he really does not have a clue. Let him come home and you allow him time one on one with your kids. You take a spa day or something. I bet after several encounters taking care of the kids alone, he may change his mind. The key is to be honest with him. Tell him you do not want more kids. With the economy and world in the condition that it is, focus on the kids that you have already.

Hey G.
In all honesty this is something you really should talk to your husband about. I can't tell you yea or nay. You and your husband are the only 2 people who can make a decision on this. Being a military wife and a mother of 5, I can definitely understand what you're talking about. My husband has been in the Army for 18 years. The two of you need to sit down and weigh the pros and the cons. He's about to retire so no more deployments and Korea. However, this is the military and I've seen people close to retiring and than boom, they're deployed again. Hopefully that doesn't happen. The good thing about the military is that our spouses do retire young so he is able to get another job. So there's a pro. You already have 4 children, they could help out. You have your education that you're thinking about. If you have this child and it's the "last" one, will one of you get the snip, snip done. These are things that you guys have to sit down and talk about face to face. Plus as you know, he will need time to readjust to the family once he gets home. He may say no, 4 is enough. So no one can advise you on what do. Only you two know what is best for your family. I know this didn't answer your question but my advice is to have a face to face talk with your husband.

How much longer do you have for your schooling? If you want to finsih it - it shouldn't take longer than 4 years. You will only be 34 and if you want more children, you can always try then.

I'd say wait. In the long run, if you have a career and something, God forbid, happens to your hubby, you would have a way to support yourself and the kids. What happens after they are grown? What will you do then? WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DO & WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 20 YEARS? Sometimes it helps to look at the big picture down the road than the small peephole you are looking out of at the moment. You & your hubby need to sit down & make a list of pros and cons and then make a decision.
Good Luck

First, I would sit down and have that talk and be honest with your husband about how you are feeling and go from there. One more? Youngest is one...ok 2-3 more years of baby life and 2-3 more years before empty nesting? If you are at a stage where I was and those 2-3 years seem like they will send you to an institution...than NO. But, if it's just 2-3 more years, and you can handle that - then you won't regret it. You will adore that child. When my last one was still a baby and I was still in baby mode, then I could have had another one. But, now that everyone is potty trained, it would be VERY difficult if I found out that I was pregnant. If you decide to do this - I suggest doing it while in baby mode or waiting such a long time that you forget what baby mode is like, ha! Sounds like your man is willing to help out too - that makes a BIG difference in this decision. Keeping all this in mind - if the answer is still not clear, then I say go for it. The more the merrier. Don't deny him this if he helps out. But, if deep down inside you know this is bad, then keep talking to him about it sincerely until he agrees with you and doesn't harbor any resentment.

Thank the Lord for the beautiful healthy children you have--enjoy them and enjoy your husband when he gets home. You have schooling on your plate to finish. Then as your children grow and need you un-divided attention --you can give it.

Hi G.-

This is obviously a decision that you have to do a lot of soul searching about and decide for yourself what's right for you and your family. That being said, you asked for my opinion so here goes: the one thing that jumps out at me right away is your husband being overseas. Will he be leaving again? If you are likely to be the soul caregiver for these kids for long periods of time then I do believe your feelings on this and your capacity to handle the added work outweighs your husband's desire to have another one. I'm sure he's a great dad and is doing everything that he possibly can to support you but the bottom line is you have to handle the work while he's gone. I think this is one of those decisions where you have a right to be selfish. I think you need to decide what YOU want and then talk to your husband about it.

And if he is not going to be leaving again there will still be an adjustment period after he gets back if he's been gone for a while. It will take some time for him to find his place in the routine that you have established with the kids. Adding another child to the mix right away may not be the best choice.

Good luck,
K.

Hi G.,

I can understand your husband wanting to have another baby -- it must be a vision of a new and better future for him, to envision coming home and starting again, beginning a new phase of life with you and your family. However, I hope you will wait before you decide. You and your husband have two enormous life changes in front of you -- his return from active duty, and his retirement from a 20 year career. Either one of these can and in fact will change a person, and change and very likely challenge a marriage. Everyone I know who has a partner retire finds the period right after retirement to require major adjustments, and I think that is especially true for men, who are often more closely identified with their careers and may have particular trouble finding a new basis on which to build a life and a self. And he will also, I assume, be re-adjusting to a life in a society that is not at war, and that is notoriously difficult. For your sake and your children's, the ones who are here and the one who may come, I hope you will take some time to let your husband find his footing and to quietly get a sense of who your husband is now. My husband and I just celebrated the 21st anniversary of our first date, and I could never have guessed what he would be like now. Fortunately I still really like him, and he has kept some of the features that first attracted me and also some of the ones I discovered and loved early on, but many other aspects of his personality have changed radically. He was quite spiritual when I met him, and now he isn't at all. He was very gentle, and now he is much tougher and harder. He was shy, now he's pretty aggressive. And he only changed careers, become a parent, and moved from one part of the country to another! Given the major life changes your husband will be going through, please take the time to make sure this is still someone who you want to have another child with. I obviously hope the answer is yes, but we live so long in this day and age, and our lives are full of so many radical shifts and adjustments, that I believe we have to assume our partners will change over time, and make plans based on who they actually are and where they are headed, rather than basing choices on who they used to be.