Having a Difficult Time Accepting Who I Am and Where I Am Today....

Dear E.,

First most I hope that you will get the guidance needed to help you overcome your pain and hurts of the past. I can't stress enough how relief you will be when you can get all those emotions out in the open.

I have so much empathy and compassion for your situation. I, too, have been thru pains and hurts from my past that consumed me with fears, frustration, and depession. But I'm here to tell you that there is always HOPE.

Surround yourself with people that care, and seek the help in a more professional way. Trusting is a hard thing for me to do too, and so I have found that it takes babysteps. Email me if you need someone to talk too in private.

You are a young woman, and you have a life ahead of you my friend. Start taking back your JOY, and trust me when I tell you that it will get easier.

Peace,

Hi E.

You really have been through it all. You should give yourself a lot of credit for surviving all of that. If you can get through that many things, you surely can do anything.

My advice is simple, whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or like you can't take anymore, look to your children. They really are your purpose in life right now. You will find yourself in them.

I once heard a quote that said, "A mother is someone who can take the place of all others, but whose place no on else can take." You are the world to them, as I'm sure your mother was to you.

My heart goes out to you, and I'm sure there are better things to come in life.

M.

I'd suggest seeing a doctor you trust and telling them all of this. There are anti-depressents that work, not immediately but in a few weeks. You need someone to talk to and to help you be mad at what you need to be mad at, and to help you find the strength to deal with what you need.

I found letting go of things that were not positive was a major help, friends who depress you are not going to be ones to keep for now. Family that isn't supportive has to go on the back burner and not get in your way. Your kids need you, and your husband is around for a few more months before being deployed and can be helpful.

When someone offers help, and you trust them, accept the help and thank them. Don't feel guilty about needing help or bad about using someone who may not have been all that close before. People want to help, let them.

All of that helped me when I had similar issues. Prozac was a part of it but more for taking the bottoms off, not creating highs. Things can get better and positive attitude will help (fake it until you make it!)

Good luck!

E.

First off I want you to know I will pray every day for you. You have been through way more than one person deserves or needs to experience in an entire lifetime. I have a few struggles, but yours have put mine into an entirely different perspective.

I think a counselor that you can trust is very key at this point in your life. In my experience a counselor doesn't even tell you things that you don't already know, but they have an authority that helps us work through, in a systematic and healthy way, those things that bother us the most. A good counselor will help you prioritize what you need to deal with most.

After we had our second child my expectations remained at their all time high without my ability to maintain them as well. If you are able, try to let go of some of these for the moment. You are very busy with 5 children under the age of 10. Is your husband a helper or hindrance? Mine is a help--but only when I tell him, tell him, tell him that I need him to pitch in more.

I hope you have some friends that you can turn to--do not be ashamed to ask for help. I wish I lived closer to give you a hand (I'm way up in ND). It sounds like you have a huge case of depression that may be helped with some group therapy as well. Getting together with others who have experience loss can help you move through yours as well. If you are a believer a strong support group can evolve from your church family.

I grieve for all of the losses you have endured and wish you the very best on your road to healing.

C. M

I think that a doctor and AA would be a good start. You didn't mention that you are on any type of medication, so I assume that you aren't. Depression is a chemical imbalance, and you have to deal with that first and foremost. Many antidepressants also help with quitting smoking if this is something you are read to do. There is nothing better that you can do for your family than get yourself better. Also, you mentioned a history of alcoholism..said you are drinking too much, so I think it's time to attend some type of 12 step program. There are many people there who have had similar experiences, you will have lots of people to lean on, and all without the expense of a counselor. I hope you find what you are looking for and can get better.

Hi~
You need some serious medical help....immediately. You don't need to feel this way for even one more day. Your feelings are NOT normal and you can be treated. I would first start with a 'help me' prayer...plain and simple "God, please, please help me...I can't do this on my own!" Then pick up the phone and call ANYBODY to help you get things in the works. When somebody asks what they can do to help, tell them! Simple things...help me clean up the livingroom, help me do the dishes, sit with the kids for 10 minutes while I go for a quick walk, come over so you can hubby can slip away for a quick nap.....anything. If people offer to help, they mean it! Make a dr. appointment right now and get on some meds to get you through the short-term AND long-term! I hate to be mean and I don't intend to be, but you've gotta stop having babies! You can't keep doing this to yourself, it is just compounding with every baby that you don't recover from...and then youre doing it all over again. I am living proof that it takes a serious mindset and a major self 'kick in the butt' to get it in gear but you can do it! Small steps...you'll get there if you keep your goals small!

Good luck
L.

Hi E.,
Doesn't it seem like when it rains, it pours? I read your posting and it got my attention. Where do I start, E.? While going through a divorce after 20 years of marriage (I can't say that I liked his girlfriend), dealing with my daughter's addiction, going to school, and working, my sister passed away unexpectedly...All of this threw me for a long time. I thought I was doing so well with getting through the days, but looking back on it now, I don't think so. That was all about three years ago. Time does help. Can I give you some words of advice here?

I understand not knowing who you are anymore. We moms get so busy taking care of everyone that we forget to take care of ourselves, but we have to. Do that for yourself. I had to figure out who I was apart from my kids, and apart from my husband, because that was over. I am so glad I did. I do like me.

Stay away from the alcohol. Your kids need you to be there for them. See a doctor; throw this all at him. It's your first step toward finding you again. He may refer you to a different counselor. Do that. My counselor asked me who I was. I remember this. I had no answer at the time, and that scared me. She helped me and I do owe her immensely. Watch the amount of stress that you put onto yourself. Say no sometimes. Say yes when you can. But now is the time to put yourself first. Be selfish.

After having it pour on me for awhile, I have found that I can take a bit of rain. It helps me define who I am. Take care, E..

Sweet girl, you sound very down and hopeless! The only real advice I can give is to take things little by little. I would suggest, first of all, quitting alcohol. There are other ways to manage stress than this destructive drug. Your children need you to be sober. I would also suggest attending a church on Sundays where you can meet and befriend people who can help. Churches usually have a system set up to help those in need. Don't be afraid to ask people for help as most are happy to do what they can. Plus, it is very uplifting, and it gives stay-at-home mothers a day of the week that forces them to look their best, get out of the house, and be social. I can't stress the importance of interaction with other people.

E.-
You have lived through a lot recently, and are very brave to reach out for help. It must be hard. It sounds like you have put everyone else's needs before yours, but I think you realize that the time has come to put yourself first. If you are not healthy, then you won't be able to take care of those around you. Go to your family doctor and let him/her know what is going on in your life and that you want help. If your husband is part of the military community, there are family resources there that can help you too. I know the stress of having your husband deployed...mine has deployed multiple times. Be brave and hang in there. You're doing great!

I will keep you in my prayers, you need to get help though. If you dont take care of yourself no one will and your kids only have you once their Dad is gone in Iraq. I feel for you, I went through post pardum really bad and the way you feel is how I felt and its a horrible horrible feeling. I had to be put on some meds and things didnt get better overnight but they are slowly. I hope you get some help. But please remember that you are not superwoman and its impossible to get everything done in one day. Take your time and breathe.

E.,

I can't even fathom the things you've gone through. It makes everything I complain about seem petty and worthless. I just wanted to give some words of support.

I'm not sure how you feel about anti-depressants, but I've been on them for a few years now and my life is turning around. Like the other mom said, they won't give you the "highs" but they'll take the bottom out of the "lows".

I've gained so much weight in these last few years. I've also been drinking heavily at times. I know where you're coming from on that stand point. Like you, I'm trying to find a counselor that I "click" with. Have you considered group counseling? (there are support groups for families of deployed soldiers, for people who have lost loved ones to cancer, AA, mom's groups, etc) All I can say is: DON"T GIVE UP. Have faith in yourself. You've made it this far through the pain, so I know you have the strength to get yourself back out of it. It won't be over-night, it could be years, but I KNOW in my heart that you will find yourself again, and that you'll wake up one day to the beautiful, vibrant woman who's waiting underneath. I'm praying for you. God Bless.

J.

I am very sorry you are going through this. It is very difficult. I know how it is to be deceived and cheated on. My house is also not very clean, and I have a hard time taking care of my kids because I am morbidly obese. All I do is sit on a chair in the front room, and design signatures for a site that I belong to. My knees hurts, and my back all the time. I feel as I have reached a point that I can not go on like this anymore. I need help myself!! If you ever need to talk, my e-mail is ____@____.com free to e-mail me if you get feeling down. I don't really know what else to say, just that you are not alone. Hang in there, we can make it through this.

E.,

the universal life force flows through you & you will feel it... just allow it in your life. i will chant for you & pray for you. keep your chin up.

sounds like you've clearly thought through & processed all the negatives in your life. when you get a councelor who you can trust... ask youself to go over all the blessings life has bestowed upon you. there are five major blessings i can think of right now, without even having met you face to face. they are 10, 7, 5, 3 & 8mo. i think they out number and out weigh any of that other stuff by far!

may love and laughter enter your heart & remain to lighten your daily life.

E.,

Are you a Sun Prairie Resident, or MI?

I think you already know what you need to do. You can do it!! We are here for you!! We all have eperienced on one level or another part (or more) of what you have and are going through. We all love you and admire you for your courage to stop this cycle. You are strong. You can do this. We are all praying and/or thinking about you and wish you the very best. I have a deep respect for soldiers' families. Thank you. You can do this!!!!! Keep us posted. Speak out loud when you need more help than you have! You can do this!!!!!!!!!