M., after reading the post where you complained that your husband didn't seem to care that you drank too much every day and PASSED OUT, I'm temped to say I can't really BLAME him for more or less ignoring you.
I think your household dysfunction is greater than anything we can address here.
You've said you cannot seek professional help due to not having insurance.
So you are all over the map with this.
If you have not hit rock bottom, if you are not REALLY ready to get REAL help, will you at least accept an extension of friendship? Can we talk, you and me (or you and any of us, really)?
I sincerely hope you WILL send me a private message. You are a lost girl, I think I might be able to help, just by hearing you out, ok? Like a friend. Like we're both members of the same sisterhood, and there's a chance talking with me will help, right?
Anytime, day or night, wasted or sober, you need a sounding board, I'm usually here. Send me a message. No judgement, no preaching, all right?
Please be safe, k?
:)