Have You Experienced Adult to Adult Judgement Based on Appearance?

Apparently, their mothers were remiss in teaching them that if "you don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing."

I'm pretty damn short. I have one friend who lovingly calls me "Little Lady". I do not take it as an insult, esp. as he's 6'7".

What does bother me is when I have occasionally lost lots of weight (twice in my life), it seems like I get lots of 'oh you look so great' comments-- usually from people I don't care to hear from anyway. But when you look like a slightly-matronly hobbit most of the time and only get skinny when you are stressed, what it sounds like in my brain is "wow, you looked pretty shlumpy before....glad to see you've joined the humans." I know that is what *I* impose on myself, but unless you are regularly complimenting me when I'm my usual self, I really don't want to hear from you. (And those who regularly make a nice comment like "cute top" or something innocuous.. they don't seem to make comments about weight loss. Strange....)

For my work with kids, I'm pretty vanilla-looking. I don't want to create false barriers between myself and the families I work with. It's a human compulsion to categorize and sort just about anything-- we see toddlers do it, right? Judging people on appearance is a life-saving skill at times. But at home, I come up with some pretty outlandish 'favorite clothes' outfits. That's how I let my freak flag fly, I guess... :)

A few years ago I would pay for a booth at fairs and flea markets and because I was also going through menapause I was HOT. So I would usually wear a nice pair of jeans and a camisole with a blouse and sometimes a sweater over the top. This way if it was warm in the room I could take off layers and if need be put them back on. I always wore a bra and you couldn't see cleavage or boobs but some of the other women would comment that I was dressed trashy or cheep and made them look cheep by association. -- now remember I did was not employed by any of them I was self employed. But soon I was not permited to have a booth because of my 'trashy' appearance. Even though I explained why I dressed that way.
Sometimes I was so hot I felt like I would glow in the dark.

Your story reminds of the movie Liar Liar with J. Carrey. The receptionist always greets him when he walks into the practice. Her hair is always crazy looking. And since he can't tell a lie she asks him 'what do you think of my dress?' and he replies 'whatever takes the focus off your hair...'
May not be an exact quote.
To answer your question, no.

Yes, of course. I used to get a ton of compliments when I was slender. They're far less frequent since having children and when I do get them, they always feel qualified like, "Wow you look great ... for a mom; for a mom who is heavy; for someone who isn't skinny any more; etc."

I do get a lot of compliments when I have a particularly nice hair cut/style and do my make-up and wear a color that I love.

I'll tell you, though... people are never as rude as when you're not thin enough for their liking. It's still socially acceptable to make fun of fat people even if they're not morbidly obese. It's still socially acceptable to make rude and obnoxious comments to them. It's still socially acceptable to make cruel assumptions and vocalize them. You end up feeling guilty for taking up space and breathing the way some people behave.

All that said, I'll take those sorts of comments any day over the rude judgments my daughter gets, I get, and my family gets over her special needs at times. Anything else pales in comparison.

A BIG one, recently:

My husband is shorter than I am.

He almost killed me in Decemeber. Over, and over, and over I keep hearing (both from court officials and now EX friends)

"But you're taller than he is."

Yeah. Because no one shorter than someone else can throw a punch, or fit their hands around someone's neck, or, or, or.

My husband actually fractured my skull.

But because he's shorter than I am, I guess that's okay.

I had a pixie cut in college and I'm about to do it again :D Totally caused a split reaction (especially because I've always had long hair). Most people LOVED it. I had someone tell me I look like a lesbian (which was meant to be an insult). I think the worst was a bouncer at a club checking my ID (I had long hair in the picture) turned to my boyfriend and said "you must have been so disappointed when she cut her hair" (!) I found it empowering for some reason. Most people with short hair are confident (I guess you must be to go against the norm). I never thought it would cause such a stir!

o yes I have been through this. My husband and I are in the furniture manufacturing business and everyday I pick up my daughters from school with stained jeans or khakis, tennis with paint on them and a stained shirt. I always have mascara on tho. Well one day a friend of a friend told my friend that I was dirty everyday and wore the same clothes everyday. When she was telling me what the other lady said, she said that she told her that I worked making furniture that's why I was always wearing what appeared to be dirty clothes. Really I could give a rats a** what people think. I don't ask steal, beg, borrow or ask for give outs from anyone. I earn my own money at a job that involves getting messy. So I guess it's no skin off my nose. So the point I guess is if your okay with it....doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as your not hurting anyone. I know I have done the same thing too tho. I think we all do that from time to time.

I get it a lot. I'm heavily tattooed and tend to dye my hair odd colors. So people look at me like I'm a criminal. I've had people come up to me and ask why I would expose my children to such a lifestyle. I just ignore them

Sorry you've received judgement.
Ignore the haters.
Your life, your body, your choice.
O. thing is certain: judgement is alive and well in the USA!

You mean just random people came up to you and commented on your hair? That is really odd.

But no, I have never had that happen.

Riley, I got the same thing but because he is fat. Yeah, I get I can outrun him but not dragging two kids along.

Hey, 8kids! That is my ex! Troy is amazing!

I think almost everyone has. I really wonder what kind of person think it's okay to give an opinion, especially negative, when it's not requested. I think it probably makes them feel good about themselves, to put someone else "beneath" them by belittling their looks. Can't fix "ugly on the inside".

When I dyed my hair blue when I was in college, I shrugged off the comments. It was my hair.

If they feel the need to comment negatively on your hair and they are not close friends (or even if they are) then their mommas didn't teach them to keep quiet if they have nothing nice to say.

I'm not a big person. At some HS events, there were seriously some people who thought I was a pregnant student when I was waddling around with DD. I have no idea, other than being short, why they thought I was a STUDENT at 30. Watched too much 90210? When I first started working my last FT job, I was in my mid 20s and people thought I was an intern. :P

Absolutely. I have a pixie cut myself and tattoos. No sleeves, nothing freakish or scary, yet there were those that judged me on the playground when I'd go with my youngest and godson. WHATEVER! My thought was always " If you're gonna judge a book by it's cover then I don't think I want my kid playing with your kid anyway.

PIXIE CUTS RULE!!!! :)

@ Jo & Riley, I'm sorry you married a male, but not a man. I'm sorry you didn't get the kind, loving, caring husband you deserved.

If you like your hair, why don't you put a photo on your profile. If you don't like it, leave your profile photo as it is.

People judge you on your appearance all the time. That's why you dress up and not down when you go interview for a New job. That's why you dress up to go on a date with that special someone. Appearance counts.

I happen to like long hair, on women that is. It the way I am. Its been that way every since I had a my first crush on a "cute little brown haired girl" in the 7th grade. Her hair was all the way down to the middle of her back and I think she curled it every day (or it was naturally curly).

A friend's 14 year old daughter had real beautiful long hair. She decided to emulate Demi Moore and shaved her head bald. Until her hair grew out to where she looked femine again she was constantly approached by the lesbian community at high school. And normal boys avoided her.

I wouldn't tell you how I felt about your hair unless you asked me. And if you asked me I'd try and change the subject. "How do you like my hair?" "Oh, what a pretty blouse you have on. Don't you just love this weather?" You get the idea.

I hope it grows out soon. Good luck to you and yours.

In my opinion, most adults do pass judgment on other people's appearance. Most of them also keep their judgments to themselves, which is probably smart.

I've had folks occasionally make remarks about my appearance, but the remarks are either complimentary (which I don't object to!) or just plain silly. It surprises me that they notice me at all. I usually just laugh such things off.

I've had it happen. I've heard both the good, the bad and the ugly.

I had one woman tell me that I wouldn't have to use the stupid electric cart at the grocery store if I actually lost some weight. I'm 5'4 and about 155lbs (now). I have had to use the cart regularly for the last three months because of issues with my knees, hips and back. The doctors had no idea what was going on...but I still had to do the grocery shopping, among other things. This woman just assumed that because I'm a bit overweight I must be lazy and that's why I had to use the cart. (That's the only thing I can figure.)

Just ignore them. There some real morons out there.

Absolutely-and I know that I have judged others on appearance as well. If we are being honest with ourselves we all do that to some extent. I am often reminded how wrong appearances can be though and so 'try' to be gentle in my estimation of others.

Yes. I have had comments made about my weight, and the color of my hair. I think it is rude and I have to wonder how they made it to adult hood without being taught any manners.

Of course. It happens every day of our lives. I don't think it's possible to not make judgments based upon appearance.

Commenting on hairstyles falls into a different category though, I think. People usually comment when people change their hair, which can be good, or annoying. It's just freakin' hair, after all. "Umm, I guess it works" is a little rude.

The important thing is that YOU like it. Anyone who doesn't, has 359 other directions they can look.

LOL. Someone once teased my aunt about putting on weight. She replied, "I can lose weight but what are you going to do about your face?" Rude comments are unnecessary. Sometimes people are just surprised and haven't gotten used to it esp if it's drastic (I have done the pixie cut lots of times, loved it, but got mixed reviews for sure!!) I don't mind an honest "Wow, that's a big change -- I need to get used to it!" rather than snarky comments.

hmm probably not, although one comment did make me go hm? last year i was dropping off my kids, first day of school. i walked by nurse's office, stopped and said hi. one of the nurses saw my hair dyed red (it is always red, but this time in particular i had just returned from a trip overseas, where i had had my hair done). so she makes a funny face and says, 'ohh it will fade soon, i hope.' hahaha i mean i laughed and said hope not. that isn't judging, i know.
other than this instance, i don't remember. i am also carefree and could care less what people think.

..i will eventually get back to my original posting ideal..ms wiggles, do not despair, i too am not kate moss, my sister, however has been called " a big girl" she has also put more guys in traction than mike tyson
K. h.

not to my face but im sure behind my back.

Not that I know of, so prob. behind my back. I love pixie cuts but I don't have the face for them at all.

all the time

Notice how you are treated when shopping dressed up versus dressed down.