I have a good friend that separated from her husband. He was her first and only boyfriend, and the same with him. Shortly after they were married he got into a "texting relationship" with another girl that my friend found out about. They worked through that, but at the end of last year she said he changed completely. He started staying out all night, and sometimes didn't come home at all. Then he actually blamed her, saying that her job took her out of town too much, and he "never got the opportunity to date." However, even though he has a degree, he is happy being a waiter and her job pays the bills, not to mention that she loves it. I guess things finally got to a point that she kicked him out. But, when he left he didn't take anything. Not clothes, not his gaming system, not anything. This made me think he might have a "house" set up with someone else.
I just talked to her and she said he moved back in "kinda". What does that mean? And she is talking about quitting her job so she can find one that keeps her at home more. I think he has got her convinced it's all her fault, that if she was home more than he would be a better husband...blah blah blah. I know I need to support her decisions, but Jeez, I want to shake some sense into her! I really don't think her being home is going to change anything. Why would a smart, beautiful woman put up with this?
To answer questions no kids, and no in general this guy is a good guy. In fact if he hadn't apparently gone crazy, I would have said that he was my favorite guy of all the husbands. Right now that isn't stopping me from wanting to kick him in the nuts.
I didn't say anything when she told me, I even tried to make my voice as even as possible. Like I said it's her choice, whether or not I approve of it doesn't matter. But in my head, I want to go RUN! Which is probably why she didn't ask me my opinion, I think she knows what I would say. Sigh...
Tell her she is not his mother. If she ever wants to be a mother he is no candidate to have a child with.
She is young I assume. Tell her not to throw her life away. There are multitudes of fish in the sea.
A smart, beautiful woman would put up with this because she has little or no good self-esteem.
It doesn't look so much like a marriage.
It's more like she's keeping a pet husband and he's allowed to wander and come and go as he pleases.
What kind of a future does she see with him?
I don't see him becoming a Mister Mom if kids come along.
I think she could do better.
Sounds like she has low or no self-esteem, poor woman.
Remember that if you give her advice she is not obligated to take it. The only thing I would suggest to her is seeking marital counseling before making any major decisions. And if she doesn't just decide if you want to be there for her or not as a shoulder to lean on, not to say "I told you so," when it all goes sour.
Yup! My "girlfriend-in-law". She's a brilliant doctor dating my half-assed BIL for 2 years + with no ring in sight. She loves him & he says it's "in the plan" but is taking no steps to make it happen.
In your case- less shaking & more listening! That's all she wants right now b/c she isn't ready to hear the rest. When she is ready to talk about the reality of the situation you will be there & she knows it!
he's getting what he wants...free sex and services....he doesn't get to be held responsible...
you can't shake some sense into her - she's thinking with her "little head" and not her big head!!!
A smart, beautiful W. will do this because she lacks the self-esteem and confidence to see what it is she has to offer and how's she's good enough for better....right now - she's LETTING him treat her like this...until she stands up for herself - no one can make her do this....she'll keep taking him back...
As long as it's not a baby or small child, in this case, SHAKE away, this girl needs a wake up call.
So, can anyone in your circle afford a PRIVATE EYE?
BLESSINGS.....
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Yeah you wish you could shake some sense into people like that, but the same thing that got them together in the first place is keeping them coming back, despite how toxic it might seem on the outside.
The best you can do is encourage, support but don't get overly involved, because you could be the one in the cold later!
Does not sound like a good deal to me. But, I doubt she will listen. Time will tell. He will be gone soon.
Yes, all the time....right now, my sister.......
Anyway- Your friend is in love with this man and no amount of shaking will wake her up to him....She has to do that on her own........It's not easy watching those we love struggle when we feel we have the answers for them, but it is her marriage and she has to decide what she can and cannot live with.
