Have Inner Conflict on Returning to Work

Hi C.. I just wanted to share with you a job that you can stay at home with the kids work when you want and connect with wonderful motivated and successful people. I just started with Arbonne a health and wellness co that has been around for almost 27 years. I still work 3 days a week but will be replacing my income and be able to stay home and raise my kids. If you are at all interested we are having an open house opportunity meeting tonite at 7pm at the Inn at Reading -you can call me if you have any questions. ###-###-#### - its a wonderful opportunity!!

L.

You know what, we mothers get so much GUILT from society and each other no matter what we do--stay home or work. Our generation has been taught that we can "have it all," but I think that is really difficult to find the balance that works for you. I have worked full-time with daycare, worked part-time from home and will soon be a full-time stay-at-home mom. I've dealt with a lot of guilt no matter what I was doing, but I know that I'm doing what is best right now for our family's situation. What is right for us may not be right for the next family, and that is fine. I think you just need to listen to your heart. It sounds like you want to go back to work, but you have an idea in your head that "good moms" stay home. In my opinion, whatever makes you a happier, more fulfilled mom is going to make you a better mom. Good luck with whichever road you choose!

I can only offer you my own experience as an example. In April I will be a SAHM for 19 years. Ugh! Sounds so long! I do have a job, though. I have worked at home as a medical transcriptionist since my oldest was 6 months old. Just this past October I started to work full-time, but still at home. At this point, I just don't want to deal with the Philadelphia area commute, the office politics, and I love the flexibility. I can't mentally get myself psyched to work in an office again. I'm still available to keep an eye on my teenagers activities, etc.
That being said, when I look back, I wonder how I did it! Really! When the children were small I was days, weeks, months at home with them without a break. (My husband is a CPA, and he's hardly around during tax season.) I remember losing my temper with the kids, feeling isolated, wanting some time just for ME. When my boys were 1 and 3 years old, I went back to an office and worked full-time for about six months. That killed me, too! I felt guilt about leaving them, even though they were with their grandmom. Although I liked my job, 8 hours of my day belonged to my employer, and I started to resent that, too. Eventually, I found that I had even less time for my boys and less time for my home and for ME. I quit that job and came back home to work part-time and raise the kids. It was still hard at times, and the house was never clean. (It still isn't perfect.) But I had seen the other side and made an informed decision to do what was best for me and for my family. It got easier as the boys were older. Once they were both in school, I had time alone again. Even a simple walk by myself helped me to recharge. I have friends who work, I have friends who are SAHMS, and a few who are WAHMs. We all have pros and cons to deal with.
My advice, I suppose, would be to give it a try. You might find that part-time will give you what YOU need to recharge. You might find that the full-time deal is better. But you won't know until you try. What's the worst thing that would happen? You might find out that it didn't work out and you'd have to quit. Don't worry about what your employer thinks. Most businesses have had that happened before, and they'll deal with it.
Let us know what you decide!

you could always try it out for a short time & see how it works out. you are lucky to have family willing to watch your kids, that is always a plus. and it won't hurt to get out there & get some adult interaction! don't feel guilty, you have to do what makes you happy & what feels right for you!
good luck in whatever you decide!

C. you will get responses from both ends, stay home moms saying who on earth would you want someone else raising your children, and you'll get responses from working moms saying we are still humans that need the interaction. but i will give you my point of view and hope this helps you a bit;
after my girls were born two months later i quit my work at home job, which was and will always be my dream job, something i will never get ever again. for the next year and a half i was a fulltime mom. i was on the go all day every day, totally exhausted yet happy to be with my kids. when the kids would be taking a nap i was hooked on court tv. i knew every case that was on trial in this country. there was one particular day i was feeling down, like i did not exist, i had nothing to say to my husband or friends over the phone. i would call friends and have to finish the conversation because i pretty much had nothing to say except talk about my kids.
so that day i sat by my computer and emailed my resume to one place only. just to see waht happens. i got a call back the next day scheduling me for a face to face interview. mind this, i was living in FL and this company was in MD. again, i didn't say anything to the possible employer about what i wanted to do, but agreed to the interview. i went for the interview and was told i got the job. that's when i asked them about telecommuting and oddly enough they said ok.
so i started working in 2005. i had the girls home with me. at first it worked but more work i got more impossible it became for me to do both. so i decided to take the girls to daycare. i did. i still struggle with the guilt feeling that my kids are going to daycare rather than being home with me. i keep them there while i am working, not 8 hrs every day it depends on the loadwork, and whether i can finish some of it after girls go to bed.
like i said, i still struggle with this on the other hand i need/want to keep building my reputation and advance my career. it is a choice i have made and so far i am sticking to it. we too have the option for me not to work, but i don't think i am ready to quit my job. it makes me feel good that i am a mom and a working person. my mom worked the entire time and she has three kids. she and my dad alternated their schedule so one of them was always with us. that worked for them. so maybe you could work for a few months in the office and then ask if you could work from home, if it is the type of job you could do from home.
i know, no one has the magic answer but i wanted to tell you i feel where you are coming from.
i hope you find your answer
vlora

Hi C.!

How are things going now? Are you still working? I think every once in a while about going back to work, but I like to be here for my kids and my hubby. I also do some work from home so that keeps me satisfied and feeling like I'm contributing financially to my household.

Just curious as to how things have worked out for you!
K.

C., if your sister will be the babysitter, I say go for it! It's not a full schedule and it may even revitalize your mothering!

C., this is K. :) DO NOT feel guilty about going back to work! Remember you have to take care of you first otherwise yours kids and husband dont get the best of you. Also, our children learn from us by example, not what we tell them. It is important that they see you living a happy life and remember you that way as they become adults. You being happy is the best teacher and example of how to teach and show your kids what happiness is. Dont worry about the mother in law or anyone else. you do whats right for you and YOUR family. you know youre not neglecting your kids ....so enjoy just being "C." for a few hours a week :)

If you ever do decide to stay home again or know someone who wants to visit my ____@____.com

Also, set up your FREE ____@____.com and receive 20 FREE 4x6 prints and 1 FREE 8x10! This website is awesome! Share it with your family, friends and new co-workers!

Enjoy- K.

Hi C.,

I'm new to the group just joined!

I wish you much success in whatever your choice was. MOST IMPORTANTLY What do you want to do? It is important that you are doing what YOU want to do. This way you won't have any regrets later in life.

I'm a stay at home MOM of 4. I have my own home based business that I find very fulfilling plus it gives me all the time in the world with my children.

I. B.
www.trisharay.candlebizfromhome.com

I became a stay at home mom (SAHM) when my husband deployed to Iraq 2 years ago. And it was great because I always worked 3rd shift with our children sleeping. So it was an interesting transformation for me. But the money aspect was killing me. Deployed soldiers don't make that much money. Unless they are really high ranking or in a long time and my husband only signed up after 9/11. So I had all kinds of guilt of not pulling my weight financially. I was barely able to make ends meet, let alone when something would come up. So I started doing some research and I call it homework. About ways to work at home that were legit. And I was really shocked that there are so many companies that are anything but Legit. I now work from home basically from my computer! I am an Independent Representative/consultant for several great companies. I also started my own website for WAHM/Mompack ideas. With legit companies that offer low to no start up fees, they offer a free website that is part of the consultant program so you are able to work from home. Most of my companies offer a low cost kit to do home parties too.
I run
www.Mollysshoppingsecrets.bravehost.com
If your interested please don't hesitate to ask any questions. Remember ask quesitons! If your not comfortable don't rush into anything! Don't be afraid to ask for references! The great thing is I do online parties I have a chat room on my website I use or sometimes I will do a vendor fair online (really cheap to do a half out slot is usually $2.00) I also do home parties to work around everyone's schedules! I email out my specials and company specials to family and friends and invite them to share with friends! Now granted I'm not making a million dollars myself but it's a comfortable living. It was slow starting but it's been a great experience! And I get to be home with the children. Never have to worry about scheduling with doctors/dentists appointments, if the kids are home sick from school no worries about finding them a sitter to go to work!
If you are interested in looking into working from home these are some low to no cost start up companies that I Rep for myself and it's a wonderful experience!
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Bedroom Secretz Inc - Either pay a $15 activation fee or purchase a kit (starting at $25) free website!
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