Hi I am tired of my husband being a complete jerk to me. I am constantly on edge and then take it out on the kids. I don't know what he is going to be mad about next. He can easily sphew off a whole list of things he doesn't like about me and tells me regularly. When I ask him for some positive comments he tells me I am too senitive. Well I am senitive but over time because of living with him I have developed a thick skin. He rarely says anything positive and that is if I request it..so it really doesnt count.
Starting this September we are going to counseling. He doesnt know it yet. I can't take it. I feel he is verbally abusive
If he won't go, you go anyway. You may get the strength to deal with him or make other decisions. And if he goes -fantastic. It is really hard to get through day to day life when someone is mean to you. Good luck!
Go, Go, Go! If he balks, tell him you will go without him, and then to it..
Yes, we went many many years ago.. After the 3rd session we told the counselor we were getting a divorce.. I had had it. I was sick of the fighting and him not listening to me.
We went and sat outside and talked about how we were going to split up everything and how it was all going to go and then realized, we had learned how to talk WITH each other!
We decided to stay together a little longer and see if we could keep up with this new behavior! That was 28 years go.. We will be celebrating our 30th anniversary this fall!
You go girl.
Do what YOU need to do to get that swerve back.
I agree...if he won't go--YOU go.
Sometimes you gotta dig deep, dig in and YANK yourself up by the bootstraps, right?
If you don't take care of yourself, who will?
My husband & I actually went for a little while prior to getting married and then during the beginning of our marriage. We have also gone to therapy during our marriage (our daughter was sexually abused by a family member so there has been a # of yrs that we have attended family therapy). It is something that has kept us together during some of the hardest times. The marriage counseling helped make us whole when we were ready to throw in the towel - it almost became a date night, even before we had our daughters. We looked forward to meeting after work, grabbing a slice of pizza or something & going. The homework assignments were were given made us take the time we never made for eachother and it really rebuilt the connection we had. We will be celebrating 18 yrs this Sept & it has been a haul. In that time we have buried my mom just 3 wks prior to the birth of our 1st daughter, my husband has battled cancer for the past 3 yrs, he lost a job of 23 yrs, we e were closing on the short sale of our house yesterday but the buyer backed out 40 mins beforehand - marriage couseling works if you both put everything you have into it. If your husband isn't willing to do so, perhaps your counselor will offer ways for you to become strong enough for you to do what you need to do for you. Best of luck to you.
We had a similar experience. My husband was not verbally abusive but I did walk on egg shells not knowing what would set him off. I became depressed and really questioned my choice of a spouse (even though on the outside everything looked perfect). We seemed to have the same arguments over and over again and I would often say we needed counseling and he would balk at the idea. Finally one day we were arguing over the same old stuff and I, again, said we needed counseling and he said he would go (reluctantly because he didn't know how help) I JUMPED on it and was on the phone the following day scheduling an appointment. Long story, not as long....it helped a TON! I know longer feel like I'm nervous around him and afraid to speak my mind, which in turn makes me more of the person he met and married (out going, happy-go-lucky, etc). I had really lost myself for awhile and when we had our children I realized that I was not being the role model I wanted to be for them.
The key is finding the right counselor....good luck. Send me a message if you want to talk.
You go girl! I am sorry that you are having to go through this. If there are children in the picture you don't want them to think this is the way a couple should treat each other.
Take care
J.
I have done it several times. If you both want to work it out, it will work.
It is hard, but worth it. Good luck.
We did premarital counseling. When pre-existing things kept creeping up in the marriage, I went to counseling on my own, to try and find ways to change the way I reacted. I'm the worst let-things-fall-off-the-back kind of person and the counselor helped me in many ways. Things aren't perfect, of course, but I learned alot. Good luck!
My ex-husband was mentally and verbally abusive. His comments and nastiness wore me down to the point that I was very depressed. I was miserable. After about 3 years of marriage, I found the strength to leave him and it was the single, best decision I have ever made in my life. Then it was his turn to cry....he wanted me back, said he would change, called my family...blah, blah, blah. I did not go back and had the complete support of my family. They couldn't stand him either (really? I thought I was hiding things so well!)
So my point is...go to therapy for yourself to improve your self esteem and gain some strength. I hate to sound like a pessimist, but I highly doubt he will ever change. I've read a lot of your other posts and this is a recurring theme....he just sounds like one of those nasty, abusive people.
I went on to remarry one of the best men in the world. I have the most respectful, loving husband. He has NEVER spoken to me in a disrespectful manner. We have 2 children and I am so thankful that they are growing up in a home with two loving parents and they can see what a functional marriage looks like.
YOU DESERVE THIS TOO. Good luck.
There is no need to go through life being treated like this. You have done a great thing!! Even if he does not want to go then you go and examine yourself and see what you need to go on with things. My X husband and I did marriage counseling and it will bring the real issue out really fast. My X had a lot of anger built up inside that he refused to deal with. He was very mentally abusive. He even went off on the counselor!! I looked at the therapist and said, THIS IS WHY I AM GETTING DIVORCED!! I hope this all works out for you because everyone deserves happiness.
Hi, C.:
If you go to counseling, get a Narrative Therapist.
Check the web for Narrative Therapist you your area. Learn about
Narrative therapy is so you know how to choose one.
Good luck.
D.
Yes. I too was with a verbally abusive man. Marriage counseling works when both ppl are open to it. And just like marriage, it's work. But it's necessary all couples don't have all the answers for every situation.
Good for you for getting counseling but as others have said you can only change yourself, he must want to change for him to actually get any help. If he goes and does the work that will be great but if doesn't, you should go anyway, because you can change things like how you respond to him, and that can make things better for you. Eventually you may find things getter better with him due to the changes you make or they may stay the same or get worse and you may need to think about separating for a time or permanent. these are all things counseling can help you with. It is so great you are going for help! You shouldn't have to live like that.
