Has to Be Held!

Hi M.,
Have you tried using a baby sling. When my daughter was that age and wanted to be held all the time I started using a Maya Wrap sling (http://www.mayawrap.com/). It worked great - she was snuggled against me in the front and I had both hands free. I was able to cook, do dishes, do laundry, dust, etc.. About the only things I didn't do with her in the sling was any type of cleaning that involved scrubbing or chemicals - like cleaning the bathroom. She loved the sling and would usually sleep in it while I worked.
M.

I have a 5 month old that is doing to same thing. Have you thoght about buying a sling? Are you bottlefeeding or breastfeeding?

A.

Try to swaddle him in a tight blanket or sometimes I will strap the bjorn on me with her in it and do some errands around the house.

M.,

Hi there. I know what your going throw. My daughter did the same thing. I went just about 2 weeks with out sleep where she would not sleep unless I was holding her. All she would do it cry. I took her to see her Dr. I got so worried. Because she had always been a very good baby and had never cried like that before. My Dr told me that she was just fine. He also told me that I needed to just lay her down and let her cry. IF she was not hurting or sick that she would be ok. It was very hard to do at first. It took me a wile and I did cry with her but you have to be strong. If you don't get him out of it now it will only get worse. After a few times it started to work. I hope that you find a way to make things work here. IF you would like to have something to do with your son. On Weds. At the Public Library in Abingdon they have story time. It starts at 9:30am. They have alot of fun. Hope to see you there sometime. Hope your son gets better so you can get some stuff done.

I got one thing to say BREAK HIM NOW, because my sisters daughter still is that way and she is 15 months old and my sister has another baby and can not do anything with the new baby because the older baby wont let her put her down. And like the other lady said her daughter didn't start sleeping through the night until she was three kady still doesn't and its because they are hold dependant. I have a 9 month old and I vowed she would be independant so I made sure not to run to her every wimper and wine and I didn't over hold her I would just hold her when it was needed. That is what my sister said her mistake was she would run every time kady wimpered or wined and was right at her side in the instant of a cry, and by the time it became a problem kady was 6 months old and it was too late to break her of it. She is that way to this day.

M.,
I also had a needy baby and I would go stir crazy with my daughter in my arms. There was no substitue for it, if I put her in a swing or bouncy chair she would take one look around and start to get completely upset. My doctor also recommended just putting her down and giving her short periods of self soothing which made me a basket case. My mom suggested that maybe Ava's seperation anxiety was due to her being induced after being 8 days past due and I honestly don't know but I did breastfeed her about 30 minutes after she was born and she ate for almost 45 minutes then (long for a new born). She is now 2 yrs. 9 mon. and off like a rocket but she loves her mama and and all I can say is trust yourself and do what makes sense for your family not a book or doctor. Your smart enough and you love that baby more than anything. Good luck stay strong this but a moment in a lifetime. M.

At this stage in development an infant still perceives himself as an extension of you and will not begin to see himself as a separate entity until about 12 to 18 months. Developmentally, he also is already forming beliefs about himself and his world based on his experience of whether his needs are being met.

You're going to hear two extremes of opinions: Some will tell you to let him cry it out and some will tell you you need to hold him as much as possible.

There is a balance between two extreme perspectives you're going to hear people speak from. The balance point is this: A baby this age needs to know that his needs will be met and...he also will need to learn that he is capable of self soothing very soon.

So, it's got to be a balance. I call it the 10 second rule (and you can extend it to 20 seconds, 30 seconds and 1 minute and more gradually) where you allow him to cry, call to him and let him hear your voice, "I'm here! I hear you darlin'!" and then let him cry until the time is up. Go to him and speak soothingly to him and calm him, then set him down and try again.

The idea is not to leave him crying for long at all but to give him a chance to self soothe eventually. It's good for babies to cry some as much as it hurts our ears and nerves but it's also important that they have consistent reassurance that their mother (whom they see as an extension of themselves) has not disappeared... that his needs will be met until he can begin more and more to learn a bit of independence....

To help him soothe, try swings, vibrating bouncy seats, soft chennille blankets that you sleep with first to get your scent on.....

The housework will wait... He will not be this itty bitty for long.... Good luck!

well you know i had the same problem with my son. i dont want to blame it on me nursing him but i think it had alot to do with it. i was nursing him every hour because he had acid reflux and he just stayed hungry i quit nusing him when he was 5 mths old so i could return to work and he still had to0 be held all the time it wasnt until he started crawling that he didnt want me that much he still had to be rocked to sleep and yes he had to be totally knocked out before i could lay him dawn. but not till he started walking was when he just didnt want to be held anymore. now i want to pick him up he dont want to be held he wants down.... so all i can say is.. be patient once he gets a feel of independence he will not want you to hold him anymore then you will be like me wanting to just hold him and almost cry when he no longer wants you to

My son was the same way. Maybe he would like to wraped tightly in to a blanket and rocked in a swing or something. I know how u fell. You try to let him cry then it gets to be to much for u.
I moved down to ga when my son was 2 months old and it was just my husband and I. I knew nobody also. It has been two years and i am just starting to meet people. So i know how u feel. I have to say that it did easier when he got a little older.
I live in bishop if u ever want to get together. My son is a 2 but it will be good for u to meet new poeple.
Take care and good luck.
DES

Hi M.,

I am a mature woman with 5 grown sons so have been through allot without having access to any advice.
The one thing I could stress from experience is that what your baby is doing is normal ( provided he is not ill ) because it is what he was taught by you . Children are capable of ' training ' their parents right from the start. Think of what will happen when they are teens if they do not have some restrictions taught early.
I hope my expressions are not too harsh; they are not meant to be.
Also, unless parents are ' together in thought and agree ' the children will figure this out and play you against each other causing great ddificulty in the marriage.
You sound like a wonderful mother.
Take care
D.H.

I can relate to your problem, My son who is almost 3 always wanted to be held as an infant too. It can get very tiresome, but it does get easier, Have you tried a sling or papasan seat? I can't really give any good advice because I just held him a lot and I have had to do the same with my daughter who is 16 months. I am a stay at home mom as well and I just can't let them cry, so I guess it was partly my fault. I am new to the area as well and would love to meet new friends, Please keep in touch and let's chat!

M.,
I am a mother of three, and they all do the same things all babies like being held and warm. Have you tried swaddling him, like int he hospital, that worked for me. after eating and bathing try wrapping him snugged but not too tight in a blanket and he just may fall asleep. You need to be taking it easy anyway. Also a baby swing is a great idea, that also works. your gonna have plenty of days not being able to clean the house or do much of anything if you hold him all day, so try swaddling him and try the swing and have plenty of patients this stage will pass....
mother speaking from experience.....good luck....email me if you need anything else....

Try the swing. My son loved it! He would not nap during the day unless he was in the swing. You might also try one of those hip slings where you can hold the baby and still have your hands free to do stuff. Good luck.

hey. Maybe it is just a phase. Maybe he is bothered by the weather change or just not feeling well. I have a little girl (almost 2) and she is really well behaved. I have always had her on the same schedule but every now and then (like last night) she wont go to bed by herself, wakes up all night, etc. It comes and goes.

Also I am 27. Dont know if that is around your age or not:)

Hi M. - swaddling always worked with my son (now 7 months) made him feel snug and secure without actually holding him. Try www.miracleblanket.com it's a specific blanket for swaddling. I could never get the receiving blankets wrapped tight enough or to stay, but my neighbor swore by it so I tried it - best investment ever! Also swing and vibrating bouncy set. Basically any movement.

Good luck - the house can wait (that took me a while to realize!)

Hi M.,
I am a young mother (25) with a 7 month old. I am new in this area as well. I know no one and i'm bored and feel like I;m losing my mind at home. If your wanting friends around just send me an email. I would be glad to hang out with another mom. My husband works from 8am to 11pm so it's just me and my child and it's very hard to keep your sanity without any outside world.
Hope to hear from u.
C.

You've gotten a lot of good advice. My son was the exact same way for months, and my husband worked long hours. So, I know how you feel. You just need to do whatever it takes for him to get to sleep, and you should just rest when you're holding him. I agree with the other mother who said the housework can wait. This will pass. He won't be this way forever. He's too young to spoil at this point! Enjoy being close to him as long as you can. They grow so fast!!!!

My son was the same way for awhile and then I discovered the baby carrier. It was a front carrier and I put him in there facing towards me and oftentimes he would just snooze while I did my housework. Then I turned him out and he loved being able to see around. For a few months that was the only way he would "let" me do my grocery shopping. He would ride along as I shopped. Now, he is a toddler and we just got a Mei Tai from a local consignment shop. That is great too for strapping a toddler to your back if he doesn't want to be in the stroller and too wiggly. Baby slings/carriers are the best things EVER!! It is no wonder why moms around the world have been using them for the longest time.

its soo perfectly normal for the baby to do this, but yet sooooo straining and sometimes aggrevating for us mothers. but with my 2 boys(chase is 3 and tanner is 1) they have yet to grow out of it. I stay at home with them, so they are always wanting me! i listened to alot of peoples suggestions on how to deal with it, no matter what there age was at the time. and i decided to plan my day. 4-5 hours of my day , in increments of coursem,i did nothing but play and love my kids, and the other time i had to do my duties as a housewife. they cried and cried and cried some more, but i had to let them, most people think crying it out, is just wrong, but there are things you have to do . i would put my lil in his crib, playpen, walker, swing, whatever with some toys and eventually he started occupy himself. also it just really depends on your baby, he could be like my niece and never occupy himself long enough for you to do anything, but then again you could get surprised! :) hope this helps ya!

M.,

My second daughter was exactly the same way. We didn't have a swing and I could never get the "Swaddling" technique to work so she cried nonstop whenever I tried to put her down and wouldn't sleep without me. What finally helped is when she was five months old and started turning over by herself, I started putting her to sleep on her stomach and she slept much better by herself after that. Also with winter coming on, be sure your baby is warm enough when you put him to bed, try a "sleep sac" or something like that they can't kick off but isn't a SIDS risk b/c it can't get tangled around their head.

Getting out of the house is key! The Mom's Club helped me tremendously when my boys were younger. They can put you in a "playgroup" with other mothers with similar age children. I joined a playgroup when my son was 9 months old, and we all stayed together until they started kindergarten. Look at www.momsclub.org to find a chapter near you.

Get a snugglie! It is a temporary fix. I would put my daughter in hers and do house work and she loved it. You are still holding him but now you will have your arms free. Also does he sit up? My daughter would want to be held untill she could sit up and play. I think it was frustration with having all that energy but know where to put it.

Hi M.! I agree with one of the responses, I have a 7 month old daughter and from the time she was born till recently she would only nap in her swing she LOVED IT!! I think he might he need to be entertained while hes down too since he is so young you can try to put him in a bouncer in front of the TV. THat worked for my daughter too, she is in love with the backyardigans show. The second it comes on no matter how hard she is screaming that always makes her smile :) Good luck!

I second either a swing or bouncy seat. Get one that has a toy bar and vibration. Sometimes the bouncy seat was the only way I could get things done. As for falling asleep, I have no advice. I have always rocked my kids to sleep and didn't lay them down until they were rock-solid asleep. I always follow this routine until they are out of the crib.

Another great website is www.atlantamommas.com . It is full of women all over Georgia. They do Mom's night out and playgroups for kids too!!

M.-
Someone else recommended this but I just wanted to suggest it as well. I joined the Moms Club when my daughter was 4 months old (she is now 3 and 1/2 and I also have a 13 month old). This is a great way to let your child interact with other children though playgroups and other activities but more importantly it is a great way to get support from other Moms. I found out about all kids of activities, schools, etc. that are available in the area. I also met lots of great Moms who are always there when you need advice (usually someone has gone through what you have). Go to www.momsclub.org and you can find out who the contact person is depending on where you live. There are at least 3 active clubs in this area. This is a great way to meet people since you just moved into the area.

One thing I have noticed from day one with my daughter who is 5 months old is that if I am stressed, she is stressed. Maybe with the move you have unknowingly been putting out anxious vibes and your son is picking up on them. Try finding a local yoga class or some form of relaxation therapy and see if his mood changes with yours. A good short-term solution could be one of those automatic swings-it really helped me alot in the beginning when she wanted to be rocked all the time. Hope this helps. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.
-K.

I have a 21 month old who used to be this way all the time when he was a baby. It's normal in my opinion. He might be just needing to be around you more or unsure of himself. For those who say if you hold him all the time now will lead him to needing to be held all the time later. It simply isn't true. My son is very independant and secure in himself. I would get a sling or other baby carrier.

If you are interested, I have a group of Moms that comes over once a month to scrapbook and they bring the kids. let me know if you are interested!

I completely understand what you are going through. My youngest daughter, now 4, was the same way. When I couldn't hold her my parents or husband had to hold her. Everyone said I needed to let her cry. Well, I couldn't do it and maybe I should have, at least eventually because she has just started developing reasonable sleep habits. She did not sleep all night until she was three years old. I was exhausted. So, I know that holding her all the time was not the best choice for us.
Here are some things we tried that might work for you....
A swing
White noise
a crib vibrator that simulates a car
soft music
T.V.
sweeper (did work some)

Good Luck! I know it is hard, but it does get easier.

K.

Unfortunatley this is pretty normal. I have two boys myself and they are quiet the little leechs. It is purely a stage that he is going threw and he will get over it. I would advise that you buy a baby sling or baby backpack to carry him around until he gains some independence. That's what I had to do with my smallest one. I had to wash dishes with him strapped to my back. It's all part of the bonding experience as well. It may be quiet difficult right now but in a few months when he is crawling and walking and wanting nothing to do with you you'll be thankful you had those moments with him. Good luck. They grow so fast!!

Hi my daughter did that as well. Trys out she was teething, yes teething. She started about three/ four months and it lasted for three months off and on before the first tooth popped out. Have you tired rubbing his gums?
Also he might be getting "used to" the attention of being held. I had that problem with my son. It was a horrible week of just letting him (and me) cry and then he sort of got used to being down. Not sure if that helped or not.

If you are looking for a moms support group I belong to one in Oak Ridge, let me know and I will send you details.