Has a 14 Month Who Cries....

He may very well be having a hard time adjusting to his new surroundings. The fact that you can hold him and calm him in your arms is a good sign, however exhausting you. I suggest you hold him sitting on the floor. Have some toys around try putting something out of his reach so he may be encouraged to leave the comfort of you and start to explore but stay close for reassurance. Play with them -help him interact. Ask him to get you – say the block and bring it back. Be happy for him. Children are curious. It may take a while. However, if you are finding that you feel like this already you may want to re think it. I worked with children for 22 years, I love kids and still find my brain come alive when I have a house full however over the years there were 3, I just couldn’t bond with. I had the luxury of moving them on to another carer but it takes a secure person to recognise this may not be a good match. If you have not lost all hope and think you can do this still- give him time and take time to bond and help him get comfortable in your home. You may not hold your child all the time -his parents probably don’t either. But if it was your daughter who was in care and needed to be secured with arms to calm down and the person you are paying to give her care and security didn’t do it- how would you feel? Taking care of kids and finding the joy is a calling- if you have that – you are blessed. It does not mean you you have to feel it with everyone. Just in closing, I found over the years that the ones who gave me a "run for my money" were the ones I learned the most from, the ones that made me better at my job and a better person. Once you get through this, you may find he taught you more than all the classes and books could ever do. He is a gift.

I've had a home daycare for 6 years and have been working in daycare for 16 years and have had more than my share of cryers. I had one little boy follow me around from 9 months to 18 months screaming unless I was holding him or let him sit on my lap (which I couldn't/wouldn't do all day). Sometimes it takes kids a while to adjust to daycare, especially if they're used to being alone with Mom/Dad/Grandparents and used to being held a lot. I've had kids who've taken a several weeks, coming everyday, to stop the daily crying. You just have to reassure him a lot, give him hugs without holding him and give him time to feel safe and secure without being held. Some kids just aren't as independent at 14 months as others.
The big concern is that his crying is really starting to get to you. If you are on edge and taking it out on him and the other kids, it's not going to help him feel secure and it's going to make the other children feel uncertain and act out. If you can't control your emotions when he's crying, you should for everyone's sake tell his parent's you can't care for him anymore and maybe reevaluate your choice in careers. Children cry. If you don't have the temperment to listen to it all day, maybe caring for other people's children isn't right for you.

Hi A.,
Last Christmas my then-17 month old son was going through a very, "I-need-to-be-comforted-in-all-stressful-situations" phase. It was okay until we spent a week at my in-laws' home for the holidays, and every new person who walked in the door, or every time we went to visit friends, he would cry and want me to hold him. (ooh, and people kept calling him a "mama's boy," which he totally wasn't, but they assumed that's what it was all about: grr)

Anyway, I figured out if I knelt or sat on the floor, let him hold onto me, sit on me, whatever, but refused to pick him up, he actually got over it pretty fast, and would walk away from me and be fairly mellow most of the time.

Anyway, by the end of the week, the behavior had almost ended completely, and he hasn't had a "clingy" incident since then... whew!

I hope this helps: good luck!
t

Hello A.,

Sounds like a tough time. Have you talked to the boy's parents? I would ask them for help and ideas on why their kid behaves that way and what they do that helps him. It is obviously impossible to hold the kid all day when you are responsible for other children so I would try distracting activities if his parents do not have any ideas.

Activities I would try for a 14 month old would be listening to music and dancing, a puppet/stuffed animal show, finger painting or shaving cream painting on paper, and if the weather is nice have them run around outside. You could also ask his parents to bring something from home that he really likes to have or play or do; a comfort object might make him feel less insecure.