Guys Night

Why do people keep mentioning 4 AM. I don't see that anywhere in the question. Also what's wrong with going to a bar. Hell I have girl's night in at the bar.

Yes, it's good for him to hang out with his buddies, BUT I truly believe if you are married (or in any relationship), there is no reason you need to be out all night. Coming in at 4 a.m.? Big no no.

Dear A.....unless he crawls home at 3 AM smelling of perfume...missing his boxers...and a few hundred bucks....I would chill. Go have a girl's nite out with your single friends. [how do single girls act, I forgot !] [I only date married women!] [kidding!] But seriously...go hang with your friends....maybe even a few guy friends.....in case all your gal-pals are too busy being married. What I am saying here...is if your husband wants to cheat...he will regardless of the cheering section you envision as his single friends. And if he isn't that kind of guy....well...you have nothing to worry about. Men are not trustworthy when off the leash is your feeling....correct? I bet your husband knows how you feel...seems like a trust poroblem . Has nothing really to do with the company he keeps...all this is about trust..and role playing. Advise? Yep Do not put any energy into him going out. None. Let it be his..whatever that means...be happy for him...if it makes him happy. If it gets in the way....then deal with it...but if he comes home...smelling like beer...at two AM....and he is sober enough to lift the toilet seat...I say...forgetaboutit! Jack

Here is my take on all this. You have to have trust. My husband travels for his job at least once a month, so if he is destined to cheat he has the perfect opportunity. He still on occassion goes to lunch with some ex female collegues. I have no problem with this because I trust him. If someone wants to cheat they will find a way. Limiting their nights out with the girls/guys will not change that.

It is great for a relationship to have that time away to be yourself and not wife/husband or mom/dad for the night.

I encourage my fiance to have guys nights. He works his butt off and it's good for him to have some time with his friends. Just like I work my butt off at home and it's good for me to have some time with my friends. My friends and I like to go out to eat or go shopping. Steve and his friends like to hang out and watch a game and drink beer- sometimes at a bar.
I trust him. I know he loves me and our family. When he goes out for guys' night it's about being with his friends and hanging out, relaxing. If you don't trust him and think he will cheat why be with him? And if you are staying up til 4AM worrying about him- that's what cell phones are for. If my fiance is out later then usual I call him- just to check in and make sure he's safe. He does the same with me.
IMO- guys nights are good once in a while. He gets to hang out and relax and is a happier guy for it. Plus he's greatful when he gets home for my holding down the fort while he plays that I get pampered!

I love when my husband has guy nights! It just means I have some time for myself at home! Well with the exception of my daughter being there but then we get to spend some quality mother daughter time together! Guys need to get out just like we do! My husband doesn't mind when I go out for girls night either, in fact he encourages it cause I really don't get out much :)

Yes. It's necessary for guys to have a guys night and it's good for girls to have a girl's night out.

It's all about trust. He's not a single guy, so don't create and expectation for him that he acts like a single guy while he's out with them. That's like convicting somebody and sentencing them before they commit a crime.
And don't think that won't will start a big ole fight in your household.....

Give him his space your relationship will be the better for it.

It is really necessary that your husband spend time with his friends, but not necessarily appropriate for him to be going out to bars. Unfortunately, he will probably have to come to this understanding (level of maturity) on his own.

Just like it is necessary for us to have a girls night, men need a guys night. So what if some of his friends are single? Don't you trust your husband? If you use the excuse that it's the other people you don't trust, then you really have deep trust issues with him, or you are a little jealous. You didn't leave any personal information so; if you are pregnant, it's normal to feel a little jealous when he can go out and you are limited. If you are already a mom, maybe you, yourself, need to get out and have a girls night every now and then.

Hi A.,

Guys nights drive me INSANE!! My hubby is the kind of guy who can't stand up to his single friends, so he'll say and do whatever to fit in. He becomes a totally different person--constantly cussing, commenting on women--the kind of guy that I would be annoyed by if I saw him out in a bar.

I think guys perpetuate this idea that they MUST have a guys' night just because they CAN do it. We let them get away with it. I do not insist on having a girls' night--even though I have been friends with most of my friends since I was about 12. Unfortunately for me, because I am a SAHM and my husband works really hard, he just believes he is entitled to his nights out.

Everyone needs some time to blow off some steam, but I really don't think that guys' nights, as they are commonly practiced, are really necessary. If they REALLY want to bond, they can get together and play basketball, board games, etc, maybe have a FEW drinks--no need to get sloshed....and come home at a decent hour.

Anyways, sorry for the mini rant--this is just one of those topics that REALLY gets under my skin.

Is it the actual guys night out or the frequency? I personally feel that it's important for my husband and I to both maintain friendships outside of our marriage and we both have nights out. If you trust your husband it shouldn't be an issue. I trust that even when my husband is out with single guys at a bar downtown that he is not doing anything inappropriate. If you don't trust him then you have a whole other issue that goes beyond the actual night out itself. And I agree. Have some girls nights out! I would go nuts without time out with my girlfriends!

Guys night NEEDS to happen. Just like GIRLS night needs to happen.

Is it your husband's behavior that you are worried about? Or his friends? Or just "men" in general?

I know that when my husband goes out, they usually drink beer and sit around watching a game or go to a bar and hang out. Women aren't usually the object on the guys mind, even if you think so.

We must have seperate lives so that we can have a happy life together. We must not lose ourselves and our individuality just because we are "married".

I think you should talk to him about your concerns and hopefully there is a way to come to an agreement about each of you getting time out with friends.

Sounds to me like you might need to look at why you don't trust him. I guess whether or not guys nights are a problem depends on how often they happen and what his behavior is like. My husband has a guys night out once every one or two months, and a couple months ago went away with his guy friends for a weekend. None of it bothers me. When he just doesn't come home after work and calls a few hours later to let me know he's out with the guys (on a night when I was expecting him to come home)... then it bothers me. I asked him not to do that anymore, and now he calls me before he goes out to ask if that will be a problem. Usually I say no and he goes. If I've had a long day and need his help or company, I ask him to come home. It works for us. Figure out what works for you.

Yes, it's important for both people in a relationship to have some time apart now and again, and have a chance to spend time with friends. Make sure you take the occasional "girls' night out" yourself!

Isn't it necessary to have a girl's night? Do you trust your husband? If you do, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about! Maybe ask him if he can go out with some of his friends that are married if you don't want him out with single guys. Everyone deserves some "me" time on their own. It's a time to regroup and recharge so you can be a better person in the end.

A.,

Yes, it is necessary for guys to go out and act like guys. You just have to trust your husband to make the right choices. Although it drives you crazy, your husband will love you even more for letting him still be one of the guys.

Hi A.,
Think positive, on a guys night you can take a bit of time for yourself. My boyfriend needs the catch up time with his man-friends. I have actually found, that even though they are rowdy, they end up bonding over the same things us women bond about. The last guys night out my boyfriend had was about a week ago. He came back and told me a bit about what they were talking about, they talked about another guy's relationship and the miscarriage that couple suffered. I am sure they talked about hot chicks also but come on....I would rather him chat with them rather than bond with the female co-worker in the next cubicle. As much as we love our men, they need to a bit of no-girlfriend time also...it reminds them about how much they love us, especially if they have a bit of freedom or BALANCE in the life. I would die if I didn't get an evening with my girlfriends, even the single ones. They remind me that it is important to take care of myself and look good and hit the gym and do nice things in my relationship...because they are always on a first or second date stage. My married or with children friends have so many things to juggle that we end up talking about the negatives or complaining about life/kids/significant other because we need to vent. Just my perspective....VH

My husband was going out on a guys night out monthly. I really never had any problem with this and actually looked forward to spending the day with my kids. Then, I had a chance to go out on a girls night out and within 2 weeks of me going, he out of the blue said "oh, I will just call up the guys and tell them that I'm not going to attend". I'm not even sure why he said that or what caused it, but I suspect that it was his way of saying he'd rather stay home and not attend if I plan on having a girls night out as often as he has his guys night out. Now, ironically, he goes out every month, whereas I go out maybe 3-4 times a year.

I called him on his reasonings and told him if he chose to cancel his guys night out, it's his doing and not to try to turn it around and say it's because I didn't want him to go.

He has continued to go (which again, is fine with me), he doesn't go to a bar, he goes to a friend's house and meets up with 10 other guys and they have game night, no drinking. So, there really isn't much danger in that.

Oh, and one day he came home and said the host was looking to do a couples night out and I declined to attend. For me, guys night out is strictly, guys night out.

But, there has to be trust between you to. I would also suggest not get in the habit of allowing him to go and you always staying home.

Good luck.

Maybe it's just me, but I look forward to guy night! LOL
If you trust your husband, who cares if he goes out wth the guys? I enjoy the "down time"!

Yes, it's necessary for your husband to have some time with his friends. I have girls time and hubby has some guy time. We have boundries that we have established and we trust each other.

Guys need time with their friends just as we need time with ours. Is there any reason that you shouldn't trust him? As long as he can be trusted, there is no reason to worry that some of the men are single.

Hi A. I see nothing wrong with guys night out because if someone is going to cheat they can do that without being with the guys. So it's matter on how much you trust your husband. Because a man can be at home 24/7 and still find some way to have an affair and you would never know the different!!!

It all comes down to whether you trust him. Has he ever given you a reason not to? Sometimes people let their mind wander to the worse possible scenerio. So what if he looks at girls, all men do, it is natural. As long as it doesn't go any further, then I do not see a problem. I am sure that you take notice when you see a good looking guy, but it doesn't mean that you would act on it. If you feel secure in your relationship, and he is a good guy with good morals, then I would let him have his guys nights, and enjoy those evenings to watch all of your girly stuff on TV, or take a bubble bath, or read a good book. And you should go out with your friends once in a while, maybe that would make you feel better about his guys nights.