Guns in Friend's House. What Would You Do?

You don't say "how" you found out there are guns in the house. How you learned this information can play a big role in your deciding whether you want to associate with these people or not.

Did the husband mention he hunts? Was it your daughter who may have seen them laying around while playing? Was it mom mentioning they have a gun for "protection" in general conversation?

For myself, if I found out there were guns in the house from my daughter after she had a playdate over there, without question, I'd be pulling the plug permanently on future playdates. The fact that there was no disclosure, and careless behavior being the reason.

If you found out directly from the parents they bought one for "protection"..I'd say no way, no play. I explain later.

And lastly, I might be more flexible if they're a hunting family, it would depend bigtime on how they store their guns and how well I know the family and their overall temperament and value system.

It sounds like you don't know them very well. That would be a big red flag for me. There's too many questions about them. Certainly if they don't use gunlocks or store the gun in a safe, you're asking for trouble. But I'd also consider whether there is strife in the home, whether they have volatile personalities, whether or not they have failed to respect your wishes regarding your daughter in the past. If they're lacking in any of these areas, you know there's a greater chance that these guns might be used by either the adults or the children in a very unsafe way.

My big beef with the guns for "protection" is that most people who keep them for this reason are not going to store the gun and ammunition separately, let alone use gun locks because they're going to want quick access in the case of an emergency. Shoe boxes versus safes are the popular storage place, and statisics show that most gun owners who have them for "protection" either wind up having the weapon used against them, or having an accident in the home.

If they are serious hunters, most sportsmen/women have a whole different outlook on guns. Most hunting families I know have gun cabinets, and a whole culture of safety and respect is built around their use. Most hunting families put their children through safety classes, and the guns are mostly used in supervised situations. I'm not saying accidents either in the home or field due to carelessness, dangerous behaviors such as drinking, or domestic issues don't happen among hunting families, but I think it is less likely, because as I mentioned earlier, it seems among hunting families guns seem to be viewed and handled differently.

I maybe out on a limb here, but if this family is a true "hunting family" they'd probably be more respectful of your concerns and wishes than not. All you can do is try to talk to them. But I still stress, if they don't already have safety measures in place, I'd be questioning whether I'd want to associate with them at all since this may indicate their lack of concern for safety of not only their children, but anyone at all.

If they're not responsible now, they will never be responsible, nor will they ever be suitable for friendship for your daughter. How could you ever trust her safety in any other circumstance, if they can't handle something that's a no brainer if you're going to have guns in the house.

Realistically, you will not be able to keep your daughter from going to their house if you continue a relationship with them. Sooner or later they're going to invite, or eventually become insulted when you continually turn their invites down. You'll have to decide now, what you're willing to tolerate if anything at all.

Bottomline, if they are leaving guns in plain view around the house, whether they're for sport or safety, chances are they're not going to change how they handle or store them because you ask them to. Especially if they're of a temperament where they don't like to be questioned or challenged. Guns is an explosive (no pun intended) topic both politically and philosophically. If our legislators can't agree, I can only say be ready for bristled neck hairs and clenched teeth if you bring it up to them.

Good luck!

Guns out for kids to handle, cigarette smoking and constant violent TV are all in the same category with me - I don't let my kids play at homes where these things are an issue. Stick to your own guns, but feel free to let these parents know (if they ask) why your daughter cannot play at their house. They may get mad, but they also may become aware of a danger that they didn't think about.

While it looks like guns are a part of the homes of many moms on this site, I have a hard time understanding why any gun would be within reach of young children unless it was a supervised event and a learning experience. Certainly gun education and use is valid and, possibly, important. However, children will respect guns when they have to be brought out and handled with care rather than lying around the house.

If your kids become really good friends, you will want to approach the issue with the parents so that they can educate you and your kids about guns, why they keep them and how safe they are/are not.

Totally talk to your neighbor about the guns. It's a huge safety issue.

We have guns, and we don't have a gun case. Our locked gun case is out of site of our kids (I don't even know where they are, really) and the bullets are stored separate. However, we have had guns sitting out in the open where kids can get to them--Airsoft guns.

I heard one of my kids' friends whispering, "There are guns in the house." When I asked where, she told me in my husband's room. When I looked, sure enough, there they were, just sitting out. No ammo, but right in plain view.

The new rule in the house is that my husband needs to put away his Airsoft guns AND I made him put a lock on his office door so that I can lock in when there are children over playing. He complied without any argument. He just never thought about it because they are relatively safe (despite the bad press) and he never keeps ammo with guns, even fake ones, but I don't want to be that neighbor that the kids talk about. Besides being embarrassing, it can attract the wrong sort of crowd.

I'd discuss your concerns with them and I hope they won't take offense to it. It's your right as a parent to make sure they respect your parenting and make sure you're both on the same page. Maybe they lock them in a room. When kids get older they learn to unlock doors and I'd be concerned that they're not in a gun safe with gun safety locks on them.

Hi C.-

Can you ask the neighbors how they store their guns? If so, I would go that route. That you haven't seen a gun cabinet doesn't necessarily mean that there isn't one.

In our house (my husband is a bird hunter) the gun safe is in our basement, locked in a separate room from either the common room or laundry room. There are several reasons for this, but one of them is that there's no reason to keep it on display, where it might become a point of interest for our young son or his friends.

For what it's worth I totally understand your concerns- I grew up in a house without guns and it's taken me some time to feel comfortable with the safety precautions we have in place in our home. I would think that your neighbors, having a young child themselves, would be understanding of your concerns and open to answering any questions you have about safety precautions. I know that we're welcoming of any questions or concerns; I would much rather have someone ask. I would hate for my child to lose a playmate over an assumption, but would also feel equally bad about a parent feeling afraid for their child's safety in my home.

For what it's worth, I always feel it's my responsibility to let people know that there are guns in our house- how would they know to ask?

Good luck-

M.

If it were me, I'd just ask the neighbor. See, my dad (big 2nd Amendment supporter that he is) always had loaded guns in the house (maybe just one) and there was no gun cabinet to be seen. He is a hunter and kept his hunting guns unloaded, but always made sure we knew that guns can be dangerous, etc. Also, the one loaded gun was kept at a level near the ceiling with no way for a child to even reach it (unless they were above 5 ft. tall). I tell you all this because my dad is one of the most responsible/respectable people I know. Your neighbor may be the same way and have a good reason (in their own opinion) for keeping guns. I would just be matter of fact about it and say that you know they have guns in the house. Not everyone will want to tell you where they're kept, but you can at least ask about the nature of where they're kept, such as if they're out of the reach of children, etc. Perhaps the neighbor would be kind enough to give a quick safety lesson to your kids. Maybe that would be awkward too, but that's what our dad did for us at a rather young age. He was very serious about it and made sure we knew that they were never to be touched by us. A good neighbor will be very open about the issue and probably be willing to help put your mind at ease as long as you're willing to learn and keep an open mind as well. Remember, there are good, responsible, trustworthy people out there that have guns as well. :)

We have guns in our house as well and I don't announce it to people who come over. We are responsible and have them unloaded, hidden away and the amunition in a different place. If you are not comfortable with it - then ask them. Simple as that.

I'm in agreement with Nicole. How did you learn about the guns and what are they used for?
My husband is a hunter and his rifles are kept in a completely different place than the ammunition (rifles in basement and ammunition in the garage). Usually, he disposes of unsued ammunition just for the safety factor. Both of his guns have gun locks on them and our two kids don't know where they are kept.
In no way should you feel awkward about asking them. These are your children. If you offend them, that's their gig.
Good luck!