Gun Subject

What Sharon said. I have never asked anyone but jeepers, under her pillow?
When my kids were little I would have to gun proof the house when I went to my fils house. They KNEW not to touch them but the would be in places the could accidentally reach. Its just common sense.

I would not allow my child to sleep over at somones house that had a gun under thier pillow.
1. that gun can end up in the wrong hands (the kids)
2. why is she sleeping with a gun under her pillow? Is she in a bad neighborhood? Has someone attacked her ? both reasons why my child would not be allowed there.

I can not think of a good reason why somone would sleep with a gun under their pillow.
I am not a gun person, but if the people are responsible with them. I would adjust.

Yes, I would ask the question. And act accordingly to the answer.

Good luck

This just came up last week here: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/29/the-play-da...

Which discussed, www.gunsafemom.com, an organization dedicated to getting parents to talk about just this topic.

We have guns in our home. I am perfectly happy to have you ask and to assist you in feeling better about how we handle the safety of our weapons. As a matter of fact, I am happier when you ask, it means you are my kind of mom. Personally, as a gun owner, I would not be happy with my child sleeping in a house where the gun was kept like that. But, even as a non-owner, your safest bet is to gun proof your child. Teach them over and over not to handle them, not to explore them and to leave and get an adult if some one else is handling one. Children die from gun accidents every day, and it is always the adults' fault.

If mom agreed to store her gun appropriately I would be ok, if mom argued in the slightest, her child would be welcome to sleep at my home but my kid would not stay at hers. Mom is displaying poor judgement and I would be more wary of all of her decisions. I may get slammed, but that is my perspective.

Once, when my daughter was 4, she and I stayed at my sister's ranch. Long story short, my daughter pulled out a rifle from under a bed while looking for the kitten. I had no idea my sister owned a gun but considering where she lived, it wasn't a surprise. Not having children of her own, gun safety wasn't something she'd ever thought of. I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there.

After that, I lost all my shyness when setting up play dates and sleep overs with people I didn't know well. I would tell parents the above story and then start asking my questions (including things like pools and dogs too) while volunteering the same information about myself. I found that parents had the same questions I did and seemed to appreciate that I had opened the conversation.

I would be comfortable having my son sleep over at a house where there were locked guns in a safe, with the ammo in a separate safe.

I would be comfortable having my son be friends with a child whose parents were strong gun advocates, even though my views fall on the opposite side of this political spectrum. I'd like for him to meet and respect people with all kinds of political beliefs, and guns are political.

But a loaded gun? Under a pillow? No. I get that this a comfort issue for the mom, but I have comfort issues too, and I've read too many accounts of children killed or seriously injured while playing with or just checking out loaded guns. As an EMT, I hope I never, ever have to respond to one of those calls. But if I keep riding, I probably will. All I can do is make sure as hell that those calls don't involve my child.

It is absolutely a legitimate question for you to ask. We happen to be a gun home, but I would not be offended if someone asked and was concerned by the fact that we DO have guns. I would likely offer to show them how we have things set up (all ammo in fingerprint safes that only open to my or my husband's fingerprint and pistols in a fingerprint safe as well, with antique rifles out, but certainly not loaded). If someone wasn't comfortable with their child coming to our house, I would understand.

In this particular case, the fact that she is sleeping with the gun under her pillow would insinuate that it is also loaded, which would be an issue for me, even being a gun owner. I would NOT be okay with my kid going to a home where there is obviously not adherence to basic gun safety.

I agree with a lot of responders so far that the under the pillow approach is not practicing safe gun ownership, and I also ask play date moms/dads if there are guns in the house before my son is dropped off over there to play.

We have no guns in our house. It's the right choice for me and my family.

What worries me most about gun safety is not necessarily my son's curiosity - I can drill it into him that guns are not toys, always seek an adult if you see one - but I can't control another child's choices. (In all honesty, I can't 100% control my son's impulses in that regard either; just make sure to always give him the right information and hope it gets through.) Your child's friend is very aware of the gun being there and seems a bit proud of it. I would worry that that kid hasn't been told enough about gun safety and would want to show it off or just be interested in touching it/playing with it. So no, no sleepover. No play dates there.

My first husband (no kids with him) was a police officer. I found out he kept one of his guns on the high shelf of his closet. I found out because I was moving something on that shelf and it dropped on my head! Not cool.

It is perfectly ok to ask and then to make the decision you are comfortable with. I will not allow my son to play at or sleep over at a house with guns (locked or not, kids figure out how to get into them). I would be perfectly comfortable having that kid over to our house or having a play date at another place (park, etc).

I so don't get the 'teach your kids not to play with guns' thing. Don't the abstinence only people teach kids over and over and over to not have sex? Do kids still get pregnant? Kids are curious and make poor decisions sometimes. I think it is our responsibility as parents to make sure as few as possible of those decisions are irrevocable.

You have every right to ask, and every right to keep your child home if the gun situation isn't in line with what you feel is safe.
I have asked people before (not every time), and it depends on the child, the family, and the situation.

We are gun owners. We have a safe and lock up our guns when we are home, but we have fire arms with us when we enjoy our great outdoors here, and when we camp they are kept within reach with clips ready for easy loading. Also, no matter if you ask about guns or gun storage, you still can not be sure about conditions in someone else's home. The best way to avoid accidental gun deaths is through education. Our children have both fired every weapon we have. They have seen what a gun can do, and once they reach 8, have seen animals killed and helped process the meat. (we live a partially subsistence lifestyle so learning to hunt is important to our way of life). Since they are well educated and fully understand what a gun can do, they know never to touch one without an adults help. And as a bonus, since they have fired them all they are not curious about what one feels like or how one works. Curiosity is the cause of most child shooting child accidents.

So in short, EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION.

P.S. I would not be offended at all if someone asked us about our guns or gun storage before a sleep over, so if it helps you feel better, ask away.

Get some backbone here, Geebers. Stop being apologetic about feeling uneasy. Stop being worried whether it's okay or not okay to be worried and to voice that worry. Your child's life is more important than this woman's feelings.

In my opinion, if her gun is loaded, she is negligent for sleeping with it under her pillow with children in the house. I make no apologies for saying this, no matter who it offends. You would be a lunatic to allow your child to sleep over. And you should have an iron-clad agreement from that mother that the gun is locked away where NO ONE in the house but her can get to it while your child is visiting during the day. She does NOT need it in her purse while your child is in her house. The idea that she does is ridiculous. If she lives in a high-crime area, then you shouldn't EVER send your child over there whether she has a firearm or not...

You need to draw the line at sleepovers. Period. NO sleepovers. And NEVER apologize for asking "Do you have a gun in the house?" before sending your child somewhere. My goodness, there's ANOTHER news story this week about a little kid killing his sibling with a gun. This stuff is entirely the fault of adults who don't do their job being responsible. You can't control if they are responsible. You CAN control whether or not your child is in the presence of a gun by keeping them out of their home.

NEVER apologize for being a good parent. A good parent keeps their child safe. (And in case you are wondering, I am not against gun ownership.)

I would be bothered to. I would be so bothered that if I knew another parent didn't have their firearms properly secured, I would not be allowing sleep overs at that house. The kids could spend the night at mine, where ALL of the firearms are safely secured.

If you know the gun is there and you're not comfortable with it, don't have your child over at the house. I absolutely would not let my kids go to a house where I knew there was a gun so easily accessible. I assume, since she keeps it so close at hand, that she keeps it loaded as well, right? Otherwise, why bother having it within reach?

Anyway, did you hear about the five year old boy who got a rifle for his birthday? Guess what... he accidentally shot and killed his two year old sister when the mom "stepped outside for a few minutes."

No way in hell would I let my kids be somewhere that they could get their hands on a gun so easily.

A child who will announce the presence of a gun will also want to show it off. It doesn't have to be YOUR son touching the gun to get him killed dead. People who focus on just teaching kids not to touch guns disturb me. This is not an oops that can be cleaned up with Lysol. They have the right to walk around all day with their fingers on the trigger. You have the right to keep your child at home. No harm, no foul.

I asked a similar question. Here are the responses: http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/9475124519040647169

ETA: Amen, April C. This is not a judgment at all but I totally don't understand accepting the responsibility of hosting someone else's child and not chaperoning the kids. Before I was married, I hosted sleepovers for other kids. I made sure that I was available to know what was going on the whole time. When my cousin was 14 and heading off to high school, I hosted him and his friends--male and female--in my apartment. I assured the parents that this co-ed sleepover would be monitored very carefully. I enlisted the assistance of my boyfriend, and we slept in shifts and made sure that everything stayed as the parents would want them to. It's the least that I could do, and I don't understand the parent who does not do the same. When my teenage stepson was having some "issues" and my SIL wanted to send her 12yo daughter who is tall and stacked and constantly getting hit on by teenage boys, I made it a point to coordinate her stay for either when he wouldn't be there or when my same-age female cousin could be there. We have to think about these things when other people's children are in our care. I don't think that it's enough to simply treat them like we treat our own, because we can be more lax with our own. I think that we should step it up. This is why in-home childcare has the bad reputation that it has. People are way more relaxed at home and think that if it's okay for their children, then it's okay for the world. No, my child may not spend an extended period of time inside that house, in the care of that parent/caregiver who doesn't make a point of being super vigilant in the care of someone else's kid. They say that you're supposed to treat someone else's property--car, clothes, whatever--better than you treat your own when you borrow it. That should extend to their children.

Replace gun with rat poison. Mom keeps a bottle of rat poison on her nightstand.

If the children get into it, they could die.

Yes, I would say something, phrasing it in the most non-judgmental light that you can. Hey, would you take the wonderful, shiny and curiosity arousing gun and lock it away for the sleepover?

I would not be offended if you asked me. I would answer you honestly and say "Yes, we own a hand gun. It is in a locked box, out of sight and stored separately from the bullets. Our children do not know where it is, but they know that we have one."

I grew up in a household with guns and we have one. In Florida, it is VERY common.

I would not let my children go sleep at someone's house unless I had a good relationship with them. Not that we have to be best friends, but if I am entrusting my child to sleep at their home all night then we'll have needed to have some talks and understand how each of us feel on how a child should be allowed to behave, how we discipline, kind of have a feel for parenting styles in general. In that case, if I was close enough to trust them enough to allow a sleep over, then I would be able to talk respectfully about my fears or concerns. If you are respectful and allow an open dialogue, I don't see how it would be a problem unless it's a person that you just flat wouldn't be able to see eye to eye with. If you can't understand each other, your child doesn't need to sleep there. That's my thoughts.
I say this: when I was going to sleep overs in Louisiana, I am certain that 100% of the homes I went to had guns in them, but I rarely saw them (if I did, they would be on display in a locked gun case that you could see inside but not open). My parents knew that too but they knew we'd be chaperoned, I wasn't allowed to sleep at homes where the parents didn't chaperone or where the parents believed in giving kids alcohol so they at least knew where they were and what they were doing, ya know? (We had friends with parents who had totally different parenting beliefs and styles, and they were allowed to our homes, but we didn't go there).

i think it's perfectly appropriate to ask, and to politely decline your daughter's sleepover. i totally get why she does what she does and support her right to do so. but any parent who has unlocked firearms in the house is morally obligated to disclose that information to anyone whose child might be in that house.
khairete
S.

It is absolutely OK to ask, and ask every time! My brother would be/should be turning 35 yrs old tomorrow. But he's not because he was killed in an accidental shooting at the age of 11 due to our neighbor's negligence with firearms.

I ask every time, and always will. I've yet to meet anyone who takes offense to it. And if anyone ever does, I'll set them straight!

Geebers:

If you aren't comfortable with it? Don't send your son over.

Your son should KNOW not to touch a gun. Period.

Your children need to be taught that guns are TOOLS NOT TOYS.

My guns are safe. I would not be offended if you asked me about my guns. I do not sleep with a gun under my pillow. That sounds like a neighborhood that needs help if it's THAT bad that she needs to sleep with a gun under her pillow....I didn't know crime in Peoria was that bad!

If you have taught your child that guns are TOOLS NOT TOYS and to NOT touch it? you should be fine. But if it bothers you. don't send him.

I am guessing since it is the mom that sleeps with the gun under her pillow she is a single mom or dad works nights. That being assumed, I am guessing you don't know what it is like to be the only adult in the house to protect your children and at that a female which automatically has less leverage against a large strong male.

It wouldn't bother me if you asked, nor would it bother me if you kept your child home because of it. I would apologize to my own child & explain to them the reason your child is not allowed over, but express everyone has a right to their own preferences.

I think many people would be offended but it's your child & what you are comfortable with.

It is your responsibility as a parent to teach your child about guns/gun safety. What to do if a friend gets a gun out. To NEVER pick up a gun that is laying around or they come across for whatever reason. Just as with drugs, sex etc., you can't ignore it, it has to be talked about & taught.

My husband is a retired police officer and is has been a dispatcher for years now. Both his of his guns have trigger locks and the ammo are stored in separate places. This mom is looking for trouble and I don't blame you at all for feeling the way that you do. I would discuss your feelings with her and let her know that your reason for not allowing your son to go to their house any longer at all is b/c of a gun being available to anyone. What would happen if God forbid her son decided to show off to some of his friends and the gun goes off. We have 2 girls and the first thing my husband taught both of them before they even touched a BB gun was complete gun safety.

I own guns, I know my kids would not mess with one left around, and I would not be comfortable with that. It's one thing if a kid was to happen across one, somewhere outside, it's another thing for a parent to leave on where anything can happen.

If you asked me about my guns, I would answer and even show you were they are stored. I do think it's a fair question, especially if your/your child's exposure has been limited.

we have them but they are locked. My husband is a cop and has his with him day and night. It would not bother me at all if someone asked me if we have guns before having a playdate. It would not bother me at all if my kids went for a playdate at someone elses house with guns in it. My kids do not fear guns. they help my husband clean his even. They know how what to do if they find one in someones house and have been taught all about it. We try very hard not to put that type of fear in our kids about guns

It's an odd question in my mind, then again I grew up around guns and they were always locked away. It was never an issue. It's just sort of an awkward out of the blue type of question. I mean, not everyone is a gun owner, so asking everyone could lead to some major awkwardness.

I would also keep my child from the home of someone who had unsafe guns, and if I knew for sure that a home had guns, then, I would ask about it being locked away before my child is allowed over.

Also, if it were my home with the gun and you already knew that we owned guns, I would not mind you asking me if they were locked away or not.

You should start teaching your child to stay away from and to not touch guns no matter what. Better to teach them on your end of things.

I think it's fine to ask, and as a gun owner I wouldn't be offended if you asked in a kind way. Just try to focus on keeping the kids safe and not on passing judgment on the mom's choice to sleep with a gun in easy reach.

It's likely that she doesn't sleep with it under her pillow. Children do tend to exaggerate. That's a figure of speech for some gun owners, myself included. My handgun is very easily accessed from my place in bed. Practically under my pillow, but not quite, because it'd probably end up on the floor.

Also, until you talk to the mom, you don't know whether she puts the gun away while kids are running about or not. So don't assume based upon what a 9 year old announced in the car.

Living in Texas I just assume that there is a gun in the house. We teach the don't touch, go get an adult, rule.

Grandma and grandpa's house has at least four loaded guns all over the place.

So I just assume it is there...

Honestly,

I would like to know your child isn't familiar so that I could take the precautions necessary to protect them. If you made it an issue then yeah I would probably have a problem with it. I also go over escape issues with kids (and sometimes warn the parents) that stay over (fire, tornado when in season, and other precautions) so that JUST IN CASE we are prepared. and son and nephews know the ritual well as we do drills!

My son knows that there is always one gun that I can easily access. He never has known where it is, or the ammo (kept separate and semi disassembled aka unfireable in its state!)

However I also please know that in a home of a friend your daughter is safe. We all protect each other.

Coming from a daughter of an avid gun owner, I think that asking someone to get rid of their sense of security, even for one night, is ridiculous. Is she the only one in the house beside her child/children? Maybe unlike you, she has had a reason to need a gun close by and now feels like she needs to have it near here just in case. That's the thing with people that are like you, you look at owning a gun from only YOUR perspective, not the gun owners. You may have never needed one, but maybe she has. It's a sense of "Talk a walk in her shoes" ...Teach your kids it's okay to accept people for who they are. Along with how they live their life...
Just saying.

Not your business, just keep them home and explain that you're not comfortable with them going to kids homes that are different than you. Assume that everyone you know has at least one gun because tons of people do. That way your child can have kids over and you can be in control of them that way.

My MIL had a pistol on her at all times when she was out of her house. Her purse had a velcro section on the side where a handgun could slide in. She carried a loaded gun under her seat when she traveled along with her doberman. She traveled everywhere you can drive and led a long full active life.

I think that having a gun or multiple guns in the house is personal and I would be totally surprised if anyone asked. I always just assume you have at least one.

I have a friend who won't even come spend the night at our home because we have a rifle in our home. It's in a leather carrying case that has a key lock on it. It's NOT accessible even to me. But she is terrified someone will go crazy and shoot up everyone in the house so she won't spend the night with us. That's okay with me. I'd rather have $100 per night that the hotel costs to do fun stuff with instead.

I have a gun. No I would not be offended if you asked. I sleep with the gun near me when my husband in out of town. I take it out of a locked container before I get in bed and I put it up right after I wake up and I DON'T have kids in my house, they are all grown up and moved out but I will have grandchildren someday. It is a good practice and habit to get into.

My mother always had her gun out at night when my dad was traveling. She had it right next to her. I knew it, I saw it BUT we were instructed to not touch it. She did not keep it out during the day while we were up and playing. They stored the gun and bullets separately.

If she is just leaving it out under her pillow all the time, I as a responsible gun owner have an issue with that. However, you might want to get more details regarding the storage of their gun.