Guilt About Lack of Excitement for Holidays

Yes. I was telling a friend, the other day, that I am starting to dread the holidays. I feel as though I spend an obscene amount of money, mostly on adult's gifts. The kids are easy and my kids don't really even have a list of things. I want to start the no gifts for adults rule.

Yes!!!! My sister was killed suddenly the end of October 2007. That first Christmas was horrible because I was traumatized. The circumstances were terrible and the whole situation bad. Every Christmas since, I haven't been in the spirit. It's getting better but I'm not back to normal yet.

Husband is deployed for the 4th Christmas and the kids keep asking Santa to send him home. Yeah it's tough to be in the spirit, but I also remember that feeling of joy and magic that my parents always made sure we felt on Christmas morning. When my dad lost his job my mom cut her hair (yep just like The Gift of the Magi) she told us she was tired of brushing it all the time. I was 22 before I found out why she cut it. I will not allow "real life" to spoil my kids holidays for that sacrifice alone. Come hell or high water I'm going to get in the spirit or fake it until I make it. I want my children to look back and remember the holidays as magical even if their father is off in some horrid place because they are only small once and life will spoil the magic for them soon enough. Try to feel it for them and even if you can't make them believe that you do, they will thank you for it later I promise. Good luck.

Yes. Except I fake it. I feel that way due to split custody with my daughter. She is with her Dad extra time during the Holidays which makes me sad. I TOTALLY fake it. I have decorated the house, put up the tree... etc. I do it for my daughter. Maybe if I fake it long enough I'll really feel it?

It's really hard for me to get into it this year too. A recent death, I've been in the hospital, money is so tight it's nonexistant, my family is scattered.
I try to find joy in the little things as much as possible and be thankful for my friends and my children.
People put so much pressure on themselves this time of year. I dont' think we should put pressure on ourselves to feel something we just aren't feeling on top of it.

I assure you that if you look, some little thing will happen and remind you of the beauty of this season. Sometimes doing something for someone else who is alone or can't get out for themselves can make you feel a lot better about things. My son just cut and stacked wood for a little old couple that can't do it. It was nothing but time. It is in giving of ourselves that we receive and some of the best gifts don't cost a thing.

I wish you the best.

Check out this blog from the mom of a child at my kid's school. Her daughter is fighting for her life tonight after receiving a stomach, bowel and pancreas transplant.... and another child has died so that she could have it. Sometimes it helps to put things into perspective when you are feeling this way.
http://m.caringbridge.org/visit/matissereid/journal/index...

I think everyone is suffering in an economy that hasn't yet recovered from the disasters of the last 10 years, and it's doubly hard to be excited when you are in an unstable marriage and exhausted from small kids. The holidays are very stressful for most people anyway - trying to make lists and get stuff bought and wrapped and mailed, get the cards sent out, the house decorated, and so on. I don't think you should feel compelled to participate in everything and apparently you grew up thinking that the men should decorate and not the women, so you carry that into your current family where it may conflict with your husband's traditions. Hence you fight.

The gift thing is out of control, in my opinion - it stresses out parents and gives kids a huge sense of the "gimmes" - gimme this, gimme that. Try to avoid malls and the canned Christmas music. Buy a few things for each kid, and make it things they will enjoy playing with rather than a contest to see how many things are under the tree. Don't give to as many people - if you feel you need to do something, try making cookies or something else that says "I care about you" without costing a fortune. If you have family in the same situation, discuss honestly the issues at hand, and maybe agree not to buy gifts for each other. Or, organize a Yankee swap with a $15 limit - it can be so much fun and will get you laughing!

I don't think you have a huge distaste for Christmas as much as a distaste for the commercialism and fake sentiment. You could also try donating some of the kids outgrown clothes and toys - go to a local place that collects gently used items for needy children. It will get you in the true spirit of the holidays.

If it would help, you could find a local church and attend a service - I know you said you are not that religious so I'm not pushing that, but at least what goes on there is about the true spirit and not the gifting frenzy. Also, the clergy do free counseling and deal with this issue for a lot of their parishioners.

I don't think you can force yourself to be happy. Not sure if you have thought about counseling - either for yourself or for you as a couple, but that can help and give some clarity.

Good luck.

It sounds to me like you are depressed and just aren't feeling the happiness that everyone else is. Your marriage is on the rocks, you have alot of debt, what else is there? I was confused about the decorating being a father and son thing. Shouldn't it be a family thing. You can bake cookies, and read books. There are other things that you guys can do to start your own family friendly and low cost traditions during the holidays. That is what is remembered anyways. My advice to you is to talk to a professional about maybe being depressed. I might even try to take more vitamin D if you are not into taking any prescribed medication. There have been studies that people low on vitamin D have a link to depression. Hang in there and talk to someone, anyone and try to find yourself again.

I have a new born and really wasn't feeling it. But we hosted my husband's business party and i decided I had to put up a tree. I was hanging ornaments when my three year old said "mom, you making Christmas for me?" She said it in the most excited voice and I realized how sad it would have been if we had skipped all that because she is at such a stage where it has an impact. As for gift giving, scale back. Talk to family and suggest drawing names. We've done it that way for years and it saves a ton of stress.

Agree totally that one simple thing you can do to reduce stress and not spend $$ you don't have is limit gift giving. As previous poster said, someone in the family has to be the first to speak up and say you can't do it. I did it on my side of the family and on my husband's two years ago and it's GREAT!! No more gift stress. We only buy for the kids and are lucky as there's only one on each side.

ANyway, that should help a ton as that creates a lot of stress.

Good luck!

I can understand feeling unexcited about the holidays.. It can be stressful and overwhelming.

We have been there with no money, tired and just not into it..
I suggest what we do.. We do random acts of kindness.. We bake some cookies and take them to neighbors.. We help neighbors put up THEIR lights.

We get in the car and play Christmas music and look fro great light displays outside of our own neighborhood.. Maybe pick up some burgers at a drive thru and just park next to a park all lit up and eat.. You could take a car picnic and picnic in the car..

I look for free holiday events. Here is a link to some in your area.. I am sure there are a ton. http://www.wickedlocal.com/georgetown/fun/entertainment/x...

We gather friends and would place our kids in their strollers and sing Christmas songs while walking around the neighborhood lights..
It gets you out of the house and not having to do the work..

Your kids are young so Christmas gifts can be lots of little things. I remember we used to go to the 5 and dime and purchase gifts for each other when my mom was first divorced.. she gave us each a little amount of money and let us buy gifts for each other..

L., I know what you mean. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas, but this year, I'm just not that into it. And I really don't know why. Nothing's really changed, kids are fine, marriage is fine, I'm generally happy and content. I just haven't been as excited this year as I usually am. I totally scaled back my decorating, I did ALL of my shopping online just to get it OVER with. I dunno...But I do feel your pain right now - I really do, you're not alone.

I haven't "loved" Christmas for 25 years. I have no idea why. I just don't get into it. For me Christmas is for kids. I know I'm in the super minority, but it's just how I feel, and no it doesn't bother me that I feel that way. I only decorated once after I left home, and only because I felt obligated to do so. It felt like a chore so I stopped. I started again when my daughter was born, and I did enjoy it while she was growing up, but she's 14 now, and that "kid" excitement is gone. I don't dislike Christmas really either, but I don't get excited, and when my daughter is older, and leaves home, I will again stop decorating.

As far as obligation to purchase gifts, as others have suggested, a Yankee swap is great in these tough times. And a lot of fun. The kids in my family are 11 to 15 years old, so we all agreed this year, that instead of us adults getting them all gifts like in the past, and that none of us can really afford, we had them each pick a name out of a hat, and they are doing a Secret Santa. You might be surprised to find that others feel the same as you about the obligation of gifts. Someone needs to be the first to speak up and say that they can't afford it. In our world today, I can't imagine anyone not understanding.

We have a lot of stuff going on, and money is beging spent other places.

I have bought cards at Dollar General and plan to have the kids sign them to take to the local nirsing home. Most are very lonley - I also talked to the homeroom teachers for both grades and they are going to have the class for each one of the kids sign a box of cards for me to take. The cards were like $2.00 for 20 - but I think my kids will learn that it is not about presents or other stuff - it is kindness- the nursing center is very excited to get them and it will brighten the residents Christmas day beyond what I could understand - they spend most days alone.

anyway my two cents - and all I have got put up is a tree with lights

Life is stressful for everyone but let me tell you my experience and maybe it will help you. I'm 41 and every time I talk to my mother or father they tell me how much they hate Christmas and all about their stress and ya know what ... it kills me and it's totally selfish. No matter my mood it instantly deflates me and somehow robs me of all those happy childhood memories. I dread talking to them and to be honest I don't even want to invite them over if all they are going to do is mope around and ruin our day. My husband and I both work fulltime, are behind on bills and have a 2 year old that is not in day care - it's either him or me. We are beyond stressed but I won't put that on anyone else especially my son. Relax and make the day as special as you can for your kids and that's what they will remember and that's all that really matters. We don't have any extra money but there are ways to make the holidays special without spending a ton of money. If you just stop to think about anyone on your list you can buy them something thoughtful and special that will mean more than if you spent a ton of money on it. If you can - give your children the gift of a happy mom and you will feel their joy. Your rocky marriage is probably already taking a toll on the kids. I don't want to make you feel bad - but you don't want your kids to dread talking to you someday because that's where you are headed.

I totally know what you are talking about. I dont even have my house decorated this year. I find myself more prone to argue with my hubby too. I just wonder why you didnt participate in the decorating...is it you really think it should be done by the men? Even inside? Or are you just so overwhelmed with the stress you dont feel like decorating? Find a good girl friend to vent to as often as needed....