Guidance on Discussing Tragedy with Kids

Our school district superintendent sent this out this afternoon and I thought I would share:

When a tragedy strikes such as the school shooting in Connecticut this morning, it shakes us to our core as parents and we question our own and our family's safety. It is incredibly difficult to process, let alone to help our children make sense of the events.

Here are some considerations when talking with your children about tragedy:
1. Take care of yourself first. Be calm, centered and emotionally ready to have the discussion. Remind yourself that we are safe here now.
2. Keep it age and developmentally appropriate--as an approximate guide, very young kids (under 7) may not understand or need to know about the event. Wait for very young children to ask you questions first.
3. Ask older kids to explain what they understand happened and then fact-check. You may need to clarify their understanding of the event. Let your child's questions guide the discussion and don't assume they need more information or description/discussion. A good ending question is to say, "Is there anything else you want to ask me about?" Remind them they can talk to you anytime.
4. Keep the description as simple and clear as possible and avoid euphemisms about death and violence. Do not make up reasons as to why the event occurred. It's okay to tell our children we don't know why this happened as long as we reassure them they are safe now.
5. Ask them how they feel about it and accept all feeling responses. Don't assume we know how they are feeling. Some kids may be afraid, some may be curious. All responses are okay.
6. Remind them this has not happened to them. Reassure them that we are here to keep them safe and that the adults in the school are prepared to help them stay safe.
7. Limit over exposure via news media. Do this for yourself and for your family.
8. Some tragedies can be a teachable moment about compassion for others. Your child may want to process their feelings by sending condolences.
9. Finally, if your child seems to need additional assistance, particularly if they have a mental health condition such as depression, or if they have experienced a violent or traumatic personal loss, seek professional assistance.