Guardianship of Minor

If you ex is close, I would consider joint custody, every other week with Dad or letting her go for a few months to try it out. While a 12 year old doesn't know everything, maybe she is really trying to tell you she needs more time with Dad. Is it possible to spend more time with him without moving in? I think you need to acknowledge her concerns. Did this just start when you remarried or has it been ongoing?

My mom had this issue with my sister. She let her go. Within two weeks, she was back home, and has actually hated our step-mom ever since. While that second part is not likely to be a favorable outcome for you, the overall effect is, she'll learn a dose of reality.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think for her sake and yours, you should let her go live with her dad. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I live with mom. When I was 12 I did the same thing. I wanted to live with my dad. My mom would not let me go I fought with her everyday. My grades started to drop and I didn't care about school anymore. I even stopped going at the beginning of my junior year of high school, all because my mom would not let me live with my dad. Well finally she let me go because technically at the age of 12 your child is old enough to decide who they want to live with. But because she did not let me go we have a very strained relationship. To this day I still resent her for not letting me go when I wanted to(and I am now 25). My life probably would have been better and my grades wouldnt have gotten as bad as they did. I love my mom and I always will, but we don't have a good relationship because she would not let me go. If you let her go, things may not get as bad as they did between me and my mom. I know it will hurt to see her go, but maybe it will be better for your relationship. I hope everything works out for you and I will pray for you.

I had that problem with my son when he was about that same age. His dad and stepmom lived in another state!! I gave guardianship over to them and before the year was out he wanted to come home so badly he accused his dad of hitting him and child protective service intervened and I had to go pick him up.

You might consider letting your daughter live with her dad. I have had experience with this from both sides. My son wanted to live with his dad when he was 12, and I let him. Within a year he realized he had made a mistake and moved back in with myself and his step-dad. On the other side of the coin is my step-son, who has always lived with his mom and just came to our house every other weekend and a couple weeks in the summer. Last year (at age 12!) his dad asked for him to come live with us. My husband just wanted more time with his son. Now we actually have joint legal and physical custody of both my step-son and step-daughter. I understand that for them it's a little different, because we all live in the same town, so it's easier. But when my son went to live with his dad, he lived in another state. I didn't expect him to want to move back with me, I just wanted him to have the opportunity to develop a relationship with his dad the way he had with me for so many years. You don't want your daughter to resent you, that part only gets worse. I know it's really hard, but we do have to let go, sometimes sooner than later.

hello mc i would give it a shot and let her go with the understanding she come home everother weekend and the whole summer and have a pastive attudie about it maybe when she see what life is like on a full time baseis there she will want to be home again with you why (do we teach them to talk or think )be strong you can make it thur

WOW! Your daughter sounds a lot like me when I was younger. I was such a terrible teenager! My parents were divorced when I was younger and I always wanted to live with my dad because he let me do whatever I wanted to do. At 13 years old I had no curfew, could go anywhere I wanted, and didn't have to answer to anyone. At my mom's house though, it was a very different story. She tried grounding me, taking away priveledges, sending me to counseling. But I was so bull-headed that nothing worked. I thought I knew all I needed to know to make it in this world. Even though my mom always told me otherwise. Bottom line is that mom was looking out for my best interests and Dad wasn't. Dad was more worried about being the "cool" dad. Maybe this is what's happening with your daughter. My mom eventually got fed up with me and let me go live with my dad. This was the worst mistake of my life. Even though I did graduate high school, I went partying every weekend. Mixed in with the wrong crowd, and did a lot of things I thought was cool at the time but later regreted. I apologize to my mom every time we talk about this situation because of all the pain I put her through. I had to learn the hard way. A lot of times I think that kids don't understand what consequences are unless they are experienced first hand. You can always talk to your daughter and hopes she listens to you. But if she is anything like I was, she will want to do things her way anyways. Just always do things the right way and she will eventually realize that you were right all along! If you do let her go live with her father, let her come back if she wants. My mother would not let me come back to live with her after I left. So I was basically on my own from the age of 16 and I missed out on a lot because my dad did not or would not pay for things like new clothes, prom, or an open house after graduation. My siblings got all that because they still lived with my mom. Sorry this is so long but hopefully this story will help you and your daughter. Good luck!

Dear MC,
First, I would speak to the counselor at school or to the school psychologist. They're there to help with the kids and their issues and their help is free. They have experience with these situations and may be able to provide more concrete and sound advice for you. There's nothing wrong with talking to them, you don't have to take their advice, but at least it's someone professional who deals with kids of your daughters age.
Second, I agree with Bobbi.. do NOT give up your guardianship. It's not as easy to reverse as you make it sound. You will be in my thoughts.

You need to follow your heart, this is your child and I understand all of the pain that this is causing you but you need to think of the long run as well, you do not want to jeopardize your relationship with your daughter over this. Who knows what may happen in the long run, she may decide she would rather be with you. She is only 12, at that age they change their mind every other day. Good Luck with everything!

As hard as it may seem and be, Hun, I think Your only option for the well being of yer little one is for her to go be with them. She may realize that it isnt as great as she thought it was going to be and want to come home. I know it may feel like your giving in to a childs tantrums, but emotionally, if shes going as far as ruining her grades, it seems like the only option. It will be very hard on you to let her go, even for a while, but do so knowing your doing what is best for her so that she doesnt resent you for keeping her from where she wanted or needed to be.As she gets older, make time to talk with her about how this whole situation makes you feel. It can feel like shes abandoning you emotionally, but no one can ever repalce a childs mother, and a step mother is no exception for the real thing. Good Luck and I hope it works out for you. Ill keep you in my prayers as well.

Wow!Reminds me of myself when I was younger. My mom was a single mom of three kids and was gone most of the time so I could do whatever I wanted to do living with my mother. I missed my father so much growing up. I went to stay with my father pretty much for a summer and I wanted to stay with him forever. Now for my situation it was kinda weird for me to want to do that because my father is very old fashioned and strict. He would not have allowed me to have a boyfriend or wear certain clothes or go out when I wanted to. For example we were at a mexican dance and I got up to go call my mom, as I walked back a young man approached me (my age)and asked if I wanted to dance, my father saw him come up to me and came over immediately and told him "Thats my daughter!" the young man said he meant no disrespect he just thought I was beautiful and wanted to have a dance. Again my father repeated himself and made me go sit down. But my father has some problems of his own and my mother refused to let me live with him. I never did go to live with him and unfortunately we arent even on speaking terms now. And I guess the point of me writing this is because now that I am older I realize that the reason I wanted to stay with my father is because unless I was at his house or I was initiating communication between us, I never heard from him. And growing up I always heard that girls are supposed to me DADDY'S GIRLS and I just wanted to be Daddy's Lttle Girl. Does your daughters father call her and keep in touch? Is their relationship a two-way street? I know if I would have moved in with my father my life would be completely different today...but I dont know that it would have been better....I would make your decision based on all the facts...Is her father responsible? What types of rules will he set for her? If you did allow her to go live with her father would the two of you be able to agree on a set of rules. Will he call you in regards to big decisions? Would he keep you informed on how she was doing in regards to school, life, etc...?Anyhow sorry I wrote so much, hopefully my story can help you in some way. Good luck!!!