Grouchy Kid/Eating Dinner

When my daughter is in a "no listening" phase, we stop listening to her. So when she has a request, we ignore her. And when she protests, we then discuss cooperation and listening skills. When she says "no" in a mean voice, I reminder her that we do not speak to adults that way and I put her in a TO. If she kicks her feet, I tell her we do not behave that way, and if she continues in such negative behavior, I then remove something (her bed time story).

I also praise, praise, praise whenever she uses good manners and does things without being ask. I find that the nicer I am to her, the nicer she is to me.

As to eating, I saved lunches for a few days. She had it in her head she could skip lunch and junk. Right now we are battled the junking before dinner. I just give her Cheerios, so I know she is getting something healthy.

The best solution I ever had/heard for the not eating at dinner and then being hungry 20 minutes later is this:

Don't say a word about it. Just pick up his plate at the end of the meal, wrap it with saran wrap and stick it in the fridge. 15 minutes later, when he "is hungry" again, tell him to sit at the table. Go to the fridge and take out his dinner plate, unwrap it and set it down in front of him. If he complains, offer to heat it for a moment in the microwave (if it is something that you can). That's it. No other food items, no further reheating or re-preparing of the food is done. Just that ONE time of nuking a tiny bit to knock the chill off of it. Don't say a word of reprimand about eating during dinner or this is what happens. Don't be snarky. That is what he can eat. Period.

After a few days, he will figure it out. And if it truly isn't him just being a pain, and he IS full at dinner and then IS hungry 20 minutes later, then it won't hurt him a bit to finish his meal alone at the table slightly rewarmed.

Now, if he eats a full meal at dinner, and THEN is hungry 20 minutes later, he might be going through a growth spurt, and I'd offer him a little something more--- a piece of cheese, some nuts, a yogurt, a piece of fruit, etc.

Dinner time in our home is "family time". Sometimes it is the only time of day our daughter saw her father for any length of time, before it was time to get ready for bath and bed. I wanted this time to be sacred and not a battlefield.

If someone does not want to eat what is served, they do not eat or they can make a bowl of non sugar cereal.. (this was once they could actually make this on their own).. Up until then I always made sure there was at least 1 thing served our daughter would eat. I noticed she liked tiny servings. Maybe 1 TBLsp or 2 of each item on a small plate.
Salad was a couple of cucumbers 1 cherry tomato and a few small pieces of lettuce and 2 slices of carrots.

If she ate the item or items, I would add another TBL serving or I would ask her, "would you like a few more green beans?" She would answer , "yes please" or "no thank you".

We never complimented her or criticized her eating if possible. We would try to say things like. "Wow looks like you enjoyed the chicken." Or "I am sorry you did not like the meatloaf, would you like more spinach?"

If she refused to eat, We would tell her "that was fine, but remember no snacks." She did have a small glass of milk before bath each night, so i knew she would not starve.

For the listening issues there are 2 ways to handle this.

Say his name and ask him to "look at me and listen with his ears."
And then ask him to "repeat what I just said.". If you do this enough it will become a habit. Also we do not yell across the house. Instead we go to the person we need to speak with. This way we "make sure they heard and understood us."

And then mom, you need to do the same back to him. When he asks you a question look at him and repeat it if necessary.. He is mimicking responses the way he sees and hears them around him. It is his version.

3year old's, like to have a heads up.They cannot stop on a dime.

"In 3 minutes, I need you to start putting the toys away." Then after 3 minutes.. "Ok it has been 3 minutes, put your toys away." If the room is a disaster, break it down for him.. "Put the Legos back in the bucket." Then "Put the books back on the book shelf.". etc.

"After dinner you will have 30 minutes to play and then you will need to get ready for your bath.. "Then set a timer or remind him after 20 minutes.. "You now have 10 more minutes to play, then you need to put those toys away so you can get your bath."

"I need your help. Please take my shoes and your shoes put them back on the porch. Thank you."

I remember being spanked as a child and I did not respond well to it, instead it made me frightened and humiliated. I never wanted my child to feel that way with me, so I learned how to speak with my child to have her respond the way I needed her to respond. There are many parenting books that would be helpful, if you feel like the things you have tried are not working. You may find some new ideas from different books. That is how I found these techniques.

Take a big breath, he is only 3 and has not been on this earth long enough to know how to handle his frustrations. Acknowledge you know he is frustrated, disappointed, tired.. whatever, so he can then use these words to express himself instead of being physical. .

If you drink, have a glass of wine after her goes to bed.

This is such a "fun" age. My son is the same age, and is "asserting his independence" fiercely!!! As counterintuitive as it sounds, try to give him some "control" over stuff that doesn't matter as much. Also, try to use more "natural consequences" then punishment... for example. If he's done eating, tell him that is ok, but no more food until dinner (or as in my house, he can have a few things... fruit, veggies -basically healthy stuff). Then stick to it. When he's upset or goes to be hungry, he'll learn to eat (if he's really hungry). When he throws a toy - take it away, put it up and tell him he can't play with it until he behaves and doesn't throw it. Keep it there at least overnight... This is a tough stage, as hard as it is, try to pick your battles and keep calm (tough). Good luck, and know this is totally NORMAL : ) whatever that means!

My son is a grazer. He's 2 1/2 and he eats a lit bit at a time. We just go with it now. I leave his dinner plate on the table. He eventually eats it all.

have him help make the dinner, that always helped my daughter to think it was the best food ever. also throw the snacks out,when they;re not there they don't wine for them...you J. go home thorw them out and then say ohhhh noooo the ants got in and ate all of the junk....worked for M., except she yelled it out to everyone at a play when the croud was silent...lol (nothing better than pure silence and a 2 year old yelling, everyone ants are all over my house, they ate all of my candy!!) lol and i agree with denise if he's eating healthy snacks its not worth the battle...if my daughter eats little dinner food I offer veggies and dip, or fruit as snacks if she eats well I may offer frozen yogurt or a cookie

My daughter is a grazer and very petite and on the low end of the weight scale. She is truly full after not much. The doctor explained that if you put both your fists together that is about the size of your stomach. Hers is tiny. So she is often hungry again later. She cannot sleep when she is hungry. So she has dinner, then about 45 minutes later I allow her some kind of desert (just to get more into her). And every night before brushing teeth and bed she has about 8 oz of milk. We kept toys in bins in the basement and only allowed 1 or 2 bins at a time. That way all the toys were "new" every time, and they actually played with them, and there were not so many laying out. If they wanted something else, they would have to put all the one kind back in the bin and then they could come choose another bin. They did have some other toys out in their rooms, stuffed animals and some little things, and we bought them cubicles so they could put things away but still see them.
As for discipline, this is the testing-the-boundaries age, and you are just going to have to pick your battles, maybe help him do what you want him to do for a while, and then back off a little at a time. Or do some of his stuff for him, but make him do yours - my kids loved putting laundry in the front loader and then swapping it over to the dryer and taking warm clothes out of the dryer. They also liked to use the dust Swiffer to clean our wood floors since you can take one piece out of the pole to make it a short Swiffer. They loved drawing on the windows with window markers and then cleaning them with Windex. They sorted socks and stacked wash cloths. For that I did not mind picking up towels after a bath or putting plates in the dishwasher (which they do themselves now at 11 and 14). It will get easier if you do not make a battle out of everything because then you will get sooo tired and annoyed and nothing will be fun for either of you.

No snacks after dinner for starters.

My kids have to eat most of their food, they don't have a choice. They can either eat 10 little baby bites, or 3 big monster bites of each item on their plates... They get to decide on the method . They can't have more fruit/fishsticks/drink or whatever until they eat their veggies. My kids are actually amazing eaters. I do a little preschool in my home and I get all the kids to eat without any kind of forcing or punishment. I just remain calm and ask nicely and remind them to eat a little bit of everything. If they don't eat, the plate goes in the fridge and that is what they get to eat if they are hungry later.

Soap and spanks and negative discipline approaches don't work... I put my kids in a time out chair and they can sit there until they calm down and are invited back to the table. If they need extra encouragement to calm down in time out, they have to hold their hands over their head or out to the side. If their dinner is finished, they can play for 10 extra mins, or get to have an extra book read, or maybe even have a special treat, so they know they will have a reward for good behavior and these privileges will be lost if they act up. Be sure you are giving plenty of positive reinforcement... catch him doing good things during the day when you haven't asked him to. He will pick up on the positive attention on those things and continue the behavior.

Dr. Sears has some expert advice on discipline tactics that can help you too. Be sure to also click on the 'bothersome behaviors' section:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior