Gresham

This reminds us that all kids are wired differently, even twins! To get a better understanding of where this seemingly difficult child is coming from, you should read a book titled "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. There is a chapter on sensitivity and many spirited kids have issues with clothing (tags, seams, fabric). If they are still babies, you might start with Dr. Sears' book "The Fussy Baby Book." It addresses the fact that some babies are more fussy (he calls them high needs) than others.

With so many kids in your house, you were bound to have one! The good news is that the high needs kids tend to be MORE in every way, more intense, more passionate, more everything! They will always be that way. You may have to change the way you deal with that child and change your attitude and the way you think about him to be more positive. He will be your most challenging kid, but he may have the most potential, so don't short change him as he grows up.

If he is still a baby, can you wear him in a sling or Ergo carrier while you do things around the house or play with the other children? He may require more touch than the others. If you can work with his needs while meeting the needs of all the kids, you will all be happier. If any of the kids are older, ask them to carry that baby! Most of all realize that your twins are 2 different kids with different needs. The other twin may be getting what he needs already, otherwise would be protesting.

Best of luck, you sure have your hands full!

Sounds like the one twin doesnt like all the confusion. While it is nice to foster children it is hard on the other children to have less time with you. Sounds like the twin needs maybe a different diet, no grains or sugar, a little more special time. More constructive time with his twin and you. He is acting out because he probably doesnt have words. More quiet time to be just be, reading books to him/both will make him special.

My friend had a very difficult baby, and the one thing that really worked for her was infant massage, he is now 8, but as a infant he was very high maintenance!!! Only slept 6-8 hours in a 24 hour period. Cried all the time, and always seemed to want to be entertained. As an older child he is exceptionally bright, and has skipped 2 grades!!!!! You may just have a very bright child that likes lots of stimulation. The calming music and massage may be the trick. Just a thought. T.

You don't mention how old your twins are. But if they are babies I don't think it's possible to spoil them.

With seven children (especially depending on their ages), my guess is that your house is pretty chaotic. (I have three and MY house can be chaotic.) I wonder if your more sensitive twin is stressed. I have a sensitive twin and a happy-go-lucky mellow twin, too. My sensitive little guy absolutely has to have down time otherwise he cries his heart out. He's a very light sleeper, too, so I cringe at the thought of how he would react if he had to share a room with his two brothers. (His two brothers could sleep through a tornado, but if I so much as touch his bedroom door knob my sensitive twin wakes up.)

If it's possible to do in your house, I would suggest toning down the stimulation to your sensitive twin and see if that lets him tone down as well.

I only know a little about this but it sounds like it could be Sensory Integration Disorder. Some cases are more severe than others. It would be worth looking into. I don't know how old the twins are or when they can diagnose this.

You didn't mention how old they are... that is really key here. Every baby is born with a distinct personality, and you cannot change that... whay you can do is teach them how to cope. Your baby sounds like he is very sensitive. Try limiting things that may overwhelm him and you may see his crying drastically decrease. Those things would be things like paper tags on him clothes (buy tagless), uncomfortable clothes like jeans (try one piece outfits), noisy toys (try simple things like blocks and balls), chaos with all the other kids, too many lights, the TV being on. My guess is that your crying twin likes his room to be dark and quiet while he sleeps while your other could sleep anywhere.
For your own sanity, it may help to wear your crying tot in a front pack while you go about your day. While his personality likely will not change, you will both learn how to deal with it as time passes.

Do you think he is actualy uncomfortable or just demanding? How old are the twins? My always rediculously fussy daughter was diagnosed at 8 with hashimoto's thyroiditis. It was easy to treat but rare. If he is old enough to tell that he is uncomfortable, I would try a different doc. It took my daughter being old enough to insist she was in pain before I took her seriously and even then several docs and 2 years to get a diagnosis. We finaly had a pediactric doc that just looked her over and basicly new what it was. He sent off for the right test(finaly) and that was it!.

Maybe you should take him to a different doctor. Sometimes doctors just brush you off - even when there's a real problem. Keep digging. Trust your instincts. I'm having some of the same problems with my daughter, some behavioural issues, no one really pursuing it further, until my Naturopath discovered that my daugther was hypoglycemic. Wow! Her behaviour has improved since I'm taking that into account now. Keep digging until you get some answers! God bless!

You may want to try cranio-sacral therapy which is non-invasive and can often resolve an issue within three treatments for infants.

Hey,

I have heard of this from other parents who eventually discovered that their child had acid reflux. Not bad enough to cause projectile vomiting, but bad enough to drive them berserk internally and of course they have no way to express what is happening other than to cry. I don't know how you test for it, but it is something you can remedy. I doubt you are spoiling your baby. Don't blame yourself. Find a sympathetic doc who is willing to think outside the box and LISTEN to you. Maybe there is even a food allergy or something else uncomfortable going on -most kids aren't that fussy without reason. You already know that! Don't doubt yourself. Good luck.

J.

PS I think the sensory sensitivity idea is also on target, I definitely wouldn't rule it out.

Wow, you've gotten some great ideas! I wanted to add, along the cranio-sacral/massage line of thought, that basic chiropractic is great for suddenly relieving chronic pain that can be a source of chronic fussiness. (Sometimes this is the cure for baby "colic.") Chronic pain, that the kid has "always" lived with, they might not be able to identify (if you've never known anything else ...).

And even if it doesn't fix it (those sensory integration issues mentioned here are normal, especially for boys, up to age 5 or so, from the reading I've done), getting the backbone straight when a kid is young will help them not grow into an incorrect posture ...

Good luck!

You obviously care so much about your boys I am sure you are doing all the right things. Have you ever thought it could just be his natural disposition to be a little more sensitive. I am a nanny and a mother and I have found that all kids are so different in their temperment. It's hard when your the mom because you take it so personally when your kids are unhappy, but really I think you'll find that if you just keep giving him the love you already are and not worry to much, things will resolve themselves. Be well and feel good about being a great mom!

Hi there,

Try reading some of Dr. Sear's advice....The Baby Book is an amazing resource and will help you feel better instantly. There is a good section on high needs babies that might make sense for you.

Good luck!

Hi J.,

I, too, have twins (now 2 1/2). I could have written your post when they were about 5 months old. The "bad cop" (as we affectionately called Alex) cried ALL the time. It was heartbreaking. Then I took her to the chiropractor where she received cranial sacral treatments (can't remember how to spell it). My child was literally "fixed" in two visits. You would have had to been there to believe it. Cranial sacral treatments gently manipulate the bones in your head. She apparently had a bone stuck in the roof of her mouth triggering her gag reflex when she tried to eat...not always, but often. The crying was hunger. We couldn't tell because she would force the bottle out of her mouth to avoid gaging. We assumed she wasn't hungry.

I could go into a lot more detail, but don't want to bore anyone. I live in Gresham as well. Please feel free to call me if you want to talk further.

J.
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Perhaps he may be very sensitive to sensory stimuli. Children who have difficulty processing sensory information may have problems with touch (can have severe adversion to clothing, bathing, grooming, etc.), visual stimuli (only like certain toys, sensitive to light), auditory (noisy toys, voices, etc.) and have difficulty regulating their emotional responses (excessive crying, hard time falling asleep, etc.) You can let your doctor know your concerns and they can refer you to a pediatric occupational therapist who can give you and your family ways to help him regulate and process sensory information. Also, you can look up ideas online with the keywords: sensory integration dysfunction. Hope this helps!

I don't know how old your son is, but I had the same problem with one of my twin girls. She cried constantly and could only be consoled by me. It turns out that she had acid reflux. Things improved with medication and she eventually outgrew the acid reflux. I used to feel bad for the other baby because I felt she was being neglected. Now they are both old enough to ask for what they want which makes things easier.

However the crying still persists - though it's not nearly as frequent as when she was a baby. When the crying became too disruptive for the rest of the children, I would put her in her crib with a blankie and a doll. She learned how to soothe herself by rocking from side to side. After she stopped crying, I would take her out of her crib. To this day (she is 2 1/2) she will go to her bed and rock with her dollies until she feels better. Then she will come back happy and say "I'm not crying anymore".

I realized once they could walk that what this girl wanted was company. She would follow me everywhere. She wanted to be held a lot and didn't want to be alone. Whether this was due to being in the womb with someone else or whether her acid reflux made her feel like she needed someone else to make her feel good - I don't know. But she is still very clingy to me and cries much more than the other girl. I guess some kids just cry more because of their temperament or maybe it makes them feel better.

Anyway, I would say that if you have ruled out any medical or digestive problem, the crying will probably decrease with age - though it may not go away entirely. It may just be part of his temperament. It would be great if you could figure out what soothes him and help him learn how to soothe himself as he gets older. Or - he may figure something out himself. You obviously know what you are doing because you have many other children. Trust your experience and your instincts. Good luck.

R. P