Great Relationship with EX

Updated on July 20, 2011
J.L. asks from San Diego, CA
11 answers

I've been divorced for about 2.5 years. I have a really great relationship with my ex. We just had a conversation today that was pretty poignant and I thought about how grateful I am to have been married to him. He is very happy in his curent relationship (and i approve of his choice as far as her influence on my daughter) and I am content in with my life and do not wish for a partner at this time. I was just wondering if any others have a good parenting/friend/ex relationship?

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So What Happened?

My ex and I are, well, nice people. We genuinely care for one another, have a daughter together and shared history. We interact when we do drop offs. We are just so ill-matched. We don't call one another to chat - unless about our daughter and I couldn't imagine going on vacation together, but I know he has a wonderful heart, wicked sense-of-humor, and will always try to do right by my daughter, and oddly, myself. Like my mom says: so glad you're not married to him, but he's be the best guy to be divorced from. May sound tasteless, but this is coming from my mom who HAS gone on vacation with her husband's ex and her new husband. Welcome to the friendly, new American family.

Featured Answers

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I have a great relationship with my ex and is entire family. We all spend holidays, birthdays, clebrations together. My daughter is 19 and we still all spend Christmas together. SO, yeah, I think I have a pretty great relationship with him. Wasn't always that way. We had some really rough times. But we love each other like family.

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K.K.

answers from San Diego on

Hello, I think it is great that you and your ex-husband get along so well. I also like that you are good with his current relationship. Before I got married, I babysat for a family where the woman was friends with her ex-husband. I thought that was so good for their sons. I tried to tell my daughter that it would be a good idea for her and her current husband and her ex and his current wife to be able to get together for a dinner with their kids. However, for many reasons, this will never happen. Unfortunate. Your daughter will be so happy for this later in her life.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I never understand the people who say their ex is their best friend, that they have a great relationship, life is wonderful, he is the cutest on earth, he pays me all sorts of child support and sends me on vacation to the Bahamas and helps me work out etc. etc. etc. Then I seriously ask myself-WHY on earth is this person the EX? Is someone in there suppressing something that I don't know about, or is this really how it is. It is wonderful for children if the parents get along, but way back in there, at least having been the child of divorce and having been divorced, I haven't seen this.Is it about settling? Is it about stuffing back all the things that made me angry so I can get what I want? Or was the person on the receiving end of this goodness never in love in the first place? I actually am looking forward to seeing these answers because try as I did, and I tried hard my ex husband never wanted to be my friend and I really never could see being his friend even while I tried. We had been lovers and in love and romantically entwined and it never did dwindle into something like a warm cozy relationship. Perhaps it will someday. I shall wait and see.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I have a great relationship with my ex-husband. Our daughter is 18 and we have been divorced for almost fourteen years. We have always lived less than a mile apart and completely parent together: sports, school functions, holidays, daily decisions. Neither of us are currently in a relationship and our daughter has always been our priority. I'm so glad we have done this together.

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L.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have a great relationship with my ex, though it started off rough the first few years after we split. 12years later we are both remarried with children and have learned that getting along is much better and healthier for all, while much easier for us emotionally. Because our daughter loves her siblings we even allow ou kid over each other's house. I realize this sounds strange, and it was at first, but it makes our daughter happy, our spouses are okay with it an at the end of the day all th kids are innocent

3 moms found this helpful
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L.Z.

answers from Los Angeles on

That's great! I hope it's the same when you finally do decide to get in a relationship. It takes a lot of hard work to get along with your ex. Eventually, though, it becomes natural and it really is the best situation for everyone! I think it's other people that don't understand. You can divorce and still care for that person. It takes more energy to hate someone than to try to get along! I've been there! My daughter is now an adult, but I think she had a better upbringing than her friends, whose parents stayed together unhappily or lived through a bitter divorce. I applaud your relationship!

2 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Seattle on

I am friends with my ex-husband, but we never had children. We got married when we were really young and just didn't have a clue. I am happily remarried and he is getting married next June to a very sweet woman they just had a daughter in April. It's funny, but it's good to know I have someone around who I learned so much about life with. I am so happy to hear that you two get along. It is really so much better if you can get along with your ex and you have children. My husband has twin 4 y/o boys and their mom hates him to the point that she'd keep the kids from him forever as long as she could get all the money she wants out of him. It's terrible.

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C.W.

answers from Phoenix on

My mom and dad were still good friends after the divorce. My mom was even at my dads wedding. They had been split up for almost 5 years then. When my dad passed away in 07, my mom and stepdad tried sooooo hard to make it for the funeral. Funny thing is that my dad was buried on what would have been their 31 anniversary. My mom was devestated when he passed because they were always friends.

2 moms found this helpful

J.N.

answers from Philadelphia on

my ex and i still talk and give advice to eachother in regards to dating, and if theres an issue with my daughter or J. to pass by time on long drives talking about our daughter, of course in the midst of selling a house and splitting finances sometimes we argue, but I see us being friends when everything settles. I hope he finds someone who compliments him and is good for my daughter and I hope to be friends with this future girl, as I too hope when hes ready he will be friends with my bf....we've been seperated over 2 years...he cheated like crazy, and there are definite reasons why were not together but I see no reason not to be friends and coparent smoothly, the past made us who we are and I don't begrudge him for any wrongdoings in the past...he;s sorry for them, and hopefully has learned and to be mad or hold a grudge means he's in control and determines my future, when the oppositte is true! No matter what harm was done it is my choice to better myself and move forward in a healthy way for my daughter, and part of that is being friends with her dad, so I'm happy to do it!

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Jen:

My ex and I talk if we need to...but other than that? we've moved on. Our daughter is 25 so it's not like we have to talk on a daily basis.

I think it's great that you and your ex are able to be friends...there have been some friends of mine who were married - horrible at it - but now divorced and great.....

1 mom found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My ex and I are friends too. We are friends on FB and I have stayed in their home and always stop by to visit when I am in town. His wife is one of the most wonderful women in the world. She grew him up right!..LOL. He has become a respectable caring adult due to her influence.

It takes effort and the ability to look at the big picture instead of a persons own feelings.

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