Great Grandmothers Diamond Ring, SIL Is Giving It to Me. Doesn't Fit...

I have heard of many people taking the stones out of inhereted rings, to create something to their taste (and size). Melt the gold and give the diamond a fresh start. The saying is "diamonds are forever"...not rings.

It's the stones, not the band. She wanted you to have it, with no other stipulations. Take it somewhere reputable to design a new ring, and wear it proudly. That would probably make her happiest of all.

It would be far better to have the diamonds reset into a new ring than to have the ring resized. If you were only resizing half a size or one size up, it might not be such a big deal.

I think that really, the key is to keeping the diamonds in the family and keeping them as a ring and not necessarily the original ring.

What would your great grandmother want? Would she want it tucked away in a drawer because it doesn't fit and you don't want to change it? Or would she want you to make it your own and wear it and enjoy it every day? My guess is she would want you to wear it and enjoy it.

Don't destroy a family heirloom. If you can't wear it or it isn't your style then perhaps you can wear it on a chain. The way you can pass it down to one of your own children and then when they use it they can do what they want with it.

IF there is no one else, no other cousin's and brother no longer wants it for a spouse then you can do what you want with it.

Do take phots of it, before and after..so when you pass it along.. they will know the history.

The ring is now yours. Your grandmother would be thrilled that you have it and can enjoy it. You can redesign it in any way you wish, so that it is not placed away and forgotten.

Maybe have it engraved with her initials once it is redesigned.

Our great grandmothers were very practical people. If she were here, I'd bet if she were standing beside you, she would say, Baby, it's just a ring!, I gave it to YOU, do anything that suits you. She would probably tell you that the first and real marriage that it represented, did not have a terrible stigma with it. Good Luck!

No, it is not wrong to take the ring. It was originally meant for you. It is part of your maternal heritage.

I would find a good 18" gold necklace and where the ring as a pendent.

If I was your great grandmother I would want you to do something with the diamonds so that you could enjoy it. What a waste it would be to have that ring sit unused in a drawer. You could even make a diamond pendant out of it for a necklace if that makes you feel better about it. What ever you decide just enjoy it. That was the intention😀

Do you know anything about your great grandmother's marriage? Think of their marriage as just a layover. That was never the original destination.

I vote for just getting the diamonds reset into a new ring. You will still have your great-grandmother's diamonds (which are the really important part) but in a new setting (which may help symbolically "erase" some of the recent sad history of your brother and SIL).

My mother got her own engagement ring reset after several years. The old ring no longer fit and the band was a very plain simple one that didn't do justice for the diamond itself. She got a new setting for it that fit her finger and was a better "match" for the stone.

If you have a jeweler that you love, or someone can refer you, a real jeweler can create something from the ring. I think that would be a lovely way to remember your great-grandmother, and it can become a super special multi-generational heirloom after it's "reborn".

I just had a conversation about heirloom jewelry with a jeweler. His point was that if its just going to sit in a drawer or it carries bad vibes as is to have it retooled. They can make a ring into a charm for a necklace by bending it over or completely reset. If you passed down jewelry, would you rather your granddaughter/great granddaughter have something sitting in a jewelry box or made into something that they wear? Talk to a jeweler and see what the options are. It doesn't make it less special.

The ring can be sized, easily. Yes, they add more gold to the ring.

So far as the violent sad marriage, don't you think you should consider your great grandmother's marriage instead? How would she feel if the last memories of her actual ring is what is happening now.

Give the ring some new good memories. :)
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Okay, since everyone keeps going reset it, I can assure you it is cheaper to have the ring resized! To resize they estimate the amount of gold needed to enlarge the ring, you pay for that, you also pay labor.

To have it reset you buy a new setting. Finding it really funny that people think they will take the gold you have and add more to it, that is called custom jewelry and it is freaking expensive. Even my cookie cutter setting with a few modifications cost a little over 2,000 dollars when we reset my mom's wedding set which became mine.

Wow - really respectful of your SIL.

Chop it up and make something you love. Your Great Grandma will be happy that you wear it and love it.

If you don't have a daughter, perhaps you can will it to one of your nieces as a nice gesture to her mother.

The fact that it was your great grandmother's ring way over rides anything about it's recent history.
(By the way - is it considered a marriage asset that might be involved in the divorce proceedings? I'm not sure your SIL CAN give it away to you or anyone at least until the divorce is final.)

If you want to wear it - on your finger- re-sizing it or having it reset is an option.
There are more ways to wear a ring than on your finger.
You could wear it on a chain as a necklace.
It would keep it in it's original form.

I don't know if it would be a collectors piece or not but you might want to have it appraised to see what it's worth and if it has any historical significance beyond being a family heirloom.
Does it have any documentation or do you know where it was made or by who?
Do you know how/where your great grandfather got it for his bride?
Generations vary so it's hard to say how old it is but a piece of family history that's 100 yrs or more old is not something every family has.
Is it Victorian, Edwardian, Art Deco?
It might be nothing that needs preserving or it might be an actual treasure that you want to keep/protect/insure.
Find out before you do anything to it.

You could also keep it locked away to give to your child or a grandchild.

First, I have to say how wonderful it is of you to support your SIL in so many ways since she is divorcing your brother. It's been traumatic for her and for her children so to have the support of "his" family is so important.

I also have to say how terrific it is that she has given the ring back to you. She could have sold it to help her pay for her escape and new life, but she has returned it to you. Try not to think of it as a symbol of a bad marriage - it was your great-grandmother's and it was meant for you - it just took a circuitous path to get to you but now it is where it belongs.

Like others said, I doubt you can have it enlarged so many sizes. If it was a plain ring, I would say to wear it on a chain around your neck or even add it to a bracelet. But I'm not sure that would look right since it has stones. Perhaps you should have the stones re-set in a pendant or a pin that you would wear a lot. If it doesn't make sense to save it for the next generation, maybe it does make more sense to adapt it to something you would really enjoy and which wouldn't say "wedding" every time you looked, or your SIL, at it.

Good luck and I'm glad you have the ring back!

Consider having the ring put onto another band. Talk to a professional. My grandmother's wedding ring was placed on a much wider band successfully.

Putting the stones into another ring can be very costly. I don't suggest that. Adding more gold too. Very costly.

Please take the diamonds out and get a new ring made out of them. There is nothing wrong with this and you will get to wear it.

I'd talk with a jeweler about options, then think about it. They probably have some great ideas.

I say have it resized and wear it in honor of your great grandmother. The ring is not about your brother and SIL's marriage, but who it belonged to originally. They can add more gold and that is the cheapest way to go.

My husband got me two anniversary bands to flank my engagement band almost 2 years ago. I felt very weird about not wearing the wedding band he put on my hand the day we were married, and was looking for other things to do with it. Having ANYTHING done with it was pricey. So it sits in my jewelry armoire and I wear it when I want less bling (it is a small band with diamonds where the anniversary bands are larger with more diamonds...so it shines more). When I want simple, I go with the single band versus 3.

I can tell you we also got a new setting for our 10th anniversary vow renewla (2014) when we were in St. Thomas in January. We paid $3k for the SETTING. There is no diamond in it yet. We will be purchasing that separately through the same dealer, but we couldn't do it then, So I'm just letting you know settings can be pricey. Also, we bought from Diamonds International, and they buy direct from the mines, so their stuff is a bit cheaper, plus no tax on the islands. That setting appraises for much more than we paid here in America.

So if you want to save some money, get it resized and wear it. Otherwise keep it put away safe.

i think you are lovely for being there for your poor SIL, and that she is lovely for making sure you received the ring that was meant for you in the first place.
i wouldn't focus on the ring's brief sad recent history, but on its value as a family heirloom. however, if it doesn't fit you, that's no good, is it?
yes, you can have it resized, and they will add more gold to the band. sounds like that would be a good idea anyway.
do you like the look and style of the ring? if so, i'd just resize it. but if it's not your cup of tea, it wouldn't be a terrible thing to get it re-vamped. check with other family members and make sure they're okay with it, and take some good pictures of it in its current state. but then have the stones re-set into something you'll wear.
khairete
S.

MN Mom of Teens is right -- better to use it than leave it in a box. I do get your reluctance to wear it as is even if it's sized correctly, due to bad associations with your SIL's marriage. Talk with a reputable jeweler about options. But be sure to get one who actually does a lot of resetting and custom jewelry in-store and who has a certified jeweler right there on the staff. Some places will claim to the heavens that they can do anything with any piece of jewelry when they actually will just send it away to be done who knows where and you'll get what you get even if you hate it. I would go with a local jeweler with a good reputation rather than a mall-store chain.

Sizing up 4 or 5 sizes may be too much, check w/ a jeweler to see if they can do it and at what cost. Was your great grandmother's marriage violent too or just your brother's? Either way, this ring was your ggm's and it was meant for you to have it. Enjoy it. Do you have daughter's, if so, you could leave as is to pass down to them. If you have two daughter's you could have something made with the the two smaller diamonds for each of them and something similiar (but with the bigger diamond) for you....or wait and see if you have granddaughters. You have so many options and don't have to decide right now.

If I had my great grandmother's wedding ring I would keep it intact, and turn it into a necklace by putting a chain through it. Then when my daughter or granddaughter turned 18 I would give it to her.

I would have it re-done. Personally I too would have it cleansed (a simple "please remove the negativity surrounding this object" prayer over the ring in my culture) and re-set into something TOTALLY different. A pendant or earrings or something, not sure what is in the setting, but I would see what a jewler could do. I do not think it is in bad form to update a family jewel, esp if it has a history like that.

In addition you CAN NOT resize a ring more than a size up or down with out compromising the setting and the stone - no jewler will size up 4 sizes. I know, I too have man hands and any ring I own will have to be made for me, not bought off the rack.

Just make a new ring out of it.

Resize or reset, talk to a reputable jeweler about your options.

My mother had her parent's gold bands set together with a diamond in between. She gave me that ring along with her own wedding ring. I wear them both.

Make some new happy memories for that ring!

Do you have any daughters? You might want to pass it down too. I don't see anything wrong with making it into another item, like a necklace. Don't think of the ring as your SIL, but your grandmother's, part of your history. That's why I first asked about the daughters, that seems special to keep passing down.

Since the ring is thin in gold as in worn, it might be best to redo the whole thing. Find a reputable jeweler and talk with them for ideas. As mentioned anytime you go up more than 2 sizes the ring is compromised in its integrity and strength.

Have it reset into something that you can wear and when your own daughters are of age you can give it to one of them. Or when you have the ring redone, you could take a couple of the smaller diamonds out and make up a special ring for each of them out of the stones.

Enjoy the ring. Your great grandmother knows you mean well with what you do with the ring..

the other S.

PS I have a ring that I would give to my DIL one day (if all goes well) that is her birthstone. She is born in the same month that my parents were and my daughter does not want the ring. I had the ring made up as a tribute to them and wear in proudly. DIL does not know about it and I want to keep it that way. She also has beefy fingers and will need to size the ring but there is a lot of gold in the setting that would possibly allow the ring to be sized.

It's yours. If you want to wear it as is, you can have it sized up. It will most likely be expensive, but if you can afford it and want to do it, go for it.
If the unpleasant memories now attached to it are too much for you, then have it disassembled, melt the gold in with enough new gold to make a ring that fits you, and have the stones reset.
Or you could wear it as a pendant.

Can you get a nice chain and wear around your neck?

My mom and dad were married for 16 years when they divorced. My mom gave her wedding ring to my grandmother. My grandmother took the ring and had the diamonds reset into another ring. The ring is beautiful. When my grandmother died, my mother got the ring. My mother will pass the ring to me and I will pass it to my daughter.

If the ring is that thin and you need to go up that many sizes, a reputable jeweler will likely recommend a new shank. However, if the prongs supporting the stones are also worn, they may need to be re-tipped. The cost to make the ring wearable could be more than buying a new ring (or necklace) and having the stones re-set.

If you choose to remove the diamonds and have them put into a new setting, you could have less expensive stones put in their place in the old ring (aquamarine, amethyst, etc) and then give the ring to your daughter, thus getting 2 uses out of it.

Or you could leave it alone in a drawer and preserve it as a family heirloom. One thing you may want to do is have the stones looked at and get an appraisal on the ring - whether you size/change it or not. Depending on their size and quality of the diamonds, you may want to have documentation done on them for insurance purposes.

It is YOUR ring now. Do whatever makes you happy. You can turn it into a nice diamond ring and diamond earrings. Do you have a daughter? You can always pass it onto her.

Even if you can't wear it, someday your daughter or granddaughter might be able to. I would just keep it and not remove the stones, but if you do have them reset, at least you will know they come from your family!

I would have it resized and kept the way it is. It is a family heirloom. If you do not want to wear it because you feel it has negative associations, then give it to another member of the family or save it for your child. Do not destroy a family heirloom!

You could have it turned into a necklace charm or a broach. Then the wearing wouldn't be quite so intimate, and the ring would stay intact.

With such a large size jump, resetting the stones is the best option. You can use the gold in the new setting as well. If you're not set on having a ring, you could have it made into a pendant and therefore solve the sizing issue for future generations.

Yes, you can have it resized if that's what you want or you can have the stones reset into another ring or maybe a pendant or other such totally different piece of jewelry ...And if you really feel that uncomfortable wearing it, then I agree w/some other posts, save it for your daughter or granddaughter, or other member of the family...I would try to keep it in the family somehow