Grandparents That Smoke

Yes, I would, but then I am from a different generation where people did not nix the people they loved because they don't like the way they smell, sigh.

:(

Probably yes, but it depends... My great grandma's house smelled and had a cloud of smoke as soon as you walked in. My parents never kept us there too long. We would say hi, stay for a few minutes and leave. My parents both smoke and my kids go over there all the time. Now, for the most part they do smoke outside, in the winter they sit by their fireplace and claim the smoke goes up the chimney, REALLY??? But yes, we go there all the time... If it was a smoky house I wouldn't say long, my mom has a couple of filters going in her house. Most people don't know they smoke if they entered their house, only their cars... Whole other story...

Unfortunately I have to say yes to this. Both of my parents smoke and they are of the mind that if you come into their home you just deal with it cause they aren't going to go outside of their own home. This means that if I want my children to spend time with their Grandparents or if they are hosting a family event we just have to deal it. It does mean that limit the amount of time we spend there and the number of times we go over. We try invite them over as much as possible but once again they don't like to have to go outside (mostly when it's cold and we live in Ohio so it's cold more often then it's not) and we do plan outings with my Mom but she doesn't work so it's easy. Not so much with my kids getting to see their grandpa since he works. It's one of things I hate but have learned that I have to deal with in order to allow my children to have a close relationship with their grandparents.

YES!!!
OK Listen, I understand the smoking issue here, and I get the second hand smoke thing too. Obviously I am a smoker or I wouldn't be posting my answer quite this way. This is my question for you. Do you want your child to have a close relationship with grandma and grandpa? How important is that to you? They are not smoking around your child, are they? I am willing to bet that if they know that you are coming to visit, they have probably done all of the things one can do to "air out" their home and to make themselves as smoke free and smoke smell free as possible, unfortunatly if you are a smoker it really won't matter what they do, you as a non smoker will still smell it. Personally, when I have someone around who doesn't smoke, adult or child, I do NOT smoke around them. Even in my OWN home. I don't care who's house it is, I feel that it is their lungs. I do not feel that I should get to decide if they breathe in MY smoke or not. I also do NOT smoke in my vehicle with others in it unless they too are smokers. When my friend's who have babies visit me, I air out my house by opening windows, spraying air freshner, and I always put on a clean shirt and DO NOT smoke any more after I do so if I hold the baby I don't have any smoke residue on my top. I wash my hands a lot, so that they do not smell like smoke. Above that, well I can't help anything else. I can tell you that putting on the clean top is probably not doing much good except that it makes me feel better. When I was in the hospital a while back, my Mom brought me some clean clothes and I couldn't get over the smoke smell on them, and they were from my closet, so I am willing to bet that even the clean top would smell like smoke, but as I said it makes me feel a little better if I am going to hold a baby. (at least I didn't wear it while smoking a ciggarette right before holding the baby) Years ago I had a home daycare, and both my husband and I smoked. We did NOT smoke in our home during the hours that daycare was open, so basically all day until 6pm. We did however, smoke after that until bedtime in the house. The parents were informed about it, and all were actually surprised that we were smokers who didn't always smoke outside because they never smelled smoke in our home. I cleaned everything VERY well, including walls and woodwork, and sprayed some really great citrus air freshner, vaccumed 2 times a day, (we had 2 large dogs too that they were surprised that we had as well), and NONE of my daycare parents had any problems with their children being in my home. 3 of the kids I had in daycare over the years had asthma, and NEVER had any issues from the smoking or my dogs.
I really hope that you do not keep your child from developing a close bond and great relationship with both of their grandparents because of this. It sounds like they are doing the right thing by not smoking around the baby, and if you talk to them and possibly give a few suggestions that would make you feel a little better about your child spending more time at their house, it could work out well. Would you feel any differently if it was perfume smell that you didn't care for? At this point, all that is left over is the smell since they are not actively smoking while the baby is there.

As long as they weren't smoking in the house while your child is in the house -yes! I grew up around people smoking all the time, as did most of my generation, and we're all fine! As far as toxins still clinging to fabric and whatnot -there are far bigger things to worry about! If you take that baby for a walk during afternoon rush hour in an Atlanta summer -it's the equivalent of breathing in the same toxins as FIVE cigarettes! There are toxins everywhere all the time and you just can't protect against them all. The ones that may be clinging to grandma's clothing would be the least of my worries.

My MIL and her fiance smoke in their house. MIL is on disability, so she is home all day and smokes quite a bit. They don't smoke inside if we are bringing the kids over, but honestly it still stinks and I know the carpets, walls and furniture and saturated with it. When the kids were little, we hardly ever went over there, instead they came to our place to see the kids and I would make them wash there hands before they could handle the babies. My hubby actually made his mom change her shirt one time before she could handle our new born son because he didn't want our baby breathing in the smoke from her shirt! Anyway, the kids are older now (6 and 8) and we visit them a couple of times per year - mostly in the summer. The rest of the time, they still come to our house. Last Christmas (2009), we went there and after about 4-5 hrs of dinner and gifts, we all had headaches - including my kids who never have headaches. I felt so bad. MIL always wants us to stay the night or let the kids stay the night, but we don't and she knows why. That Christmas, we all packed up and left abruptly - MIL asked why we were leaving before dessert, movies etc and we had to tell her that we all had headaches from breathing in the smoke smell. I mean they were literally smoking inside right before we got there.

((As long as my son didn't have an allergy or asthma, and he didn't, so this isn't hypothetical but what we did))...

Yep. It takes YEARS to DECADES of being inside a closed environment on a *daily* basis with someone who is smoking for 2nd hand smoke to take effect. I didn't even mind when they were smoking near him. And outside... definitely no biggie. The particulates in the air are so diffuse that it was absolutely no concern whatsoever. (A car driving by is worse, ditto any time spent in a parking garage.) The minimal amount of time he spent / spends there is absolutely worth his having a relationship with his amazing grandparents.

Just breathing the air in my city is the same as smoking 2 packs per day (technically worse, because there are worse chemicals from car exhaust & manufacturing in the air. People who live in the city don't smell them due to "acclimation"... the only reason we *smell* cigarettes is because they're relatively rare. But go out to the mountians/ desert for awhile and come back and you'll be choking, coughing, eyes watering until your body reacclimates to the chemicals in the air we breathe every day.). In LA it's the same as 3 packs per day.

Spend time, yes, as long as they do NOT smoke around the kids; sleep over, no. Both my parents smoked when I was growing up. I hate it and don't do it myself, but I wouldn't punish them for it. Just ask them to do what they can to minimize the exposure.

Of course. Not so long ago most people smoked. As long as they
don't smoke and care for the baby, let them alone.
The case against second hand smoke, with no one smoking,
is very weak. Grandparents are very very important to kids.

Personally I wouldn't, but if you want back up, call & ask an allergist.

no i would not let them go because the toxins are still in the air on their clothes the walls the carpet it clings to everything !One cigarette smoked around a baby is like them smoking 3 themselves.I would not want anyone around my baby that smokes and i grew up in a house that two people smoked in and i hated it!

No. I would let them come to my house instead. Smoke gets not only in their clothes, skin and hair, but it permiates their couches and chairs, curtains, walls, bedding, and carpets. Everything. It would be impossible to remove all carcinogens. It isn't totally about the SMELL y'all! But the smell indicates the DANGER! That's WHY we have a keen sense of smell. We are animals, and animals know when to 'run out of the woods' because there is danger.

My dad smokes in his house in his little office -Only ! I've brought my DS there since he was 2 weeks old. He doesnt smoke when were there.....
So YES!!

I know that people get cancer and die from second hand smoke, I don't contest that statement...but you cannot tell someone else what they can and cannot do in their own home, it is not your place to tell them they can or cannot smoke in their own home. How rude.

You can ask them to not smoke in your home and keep your kids at home instead of visiting in their home. Millions of children have grown up in homes where adults smoked and never developed cancer or any other thing related. I would not take a chance. We do not take the kids around anyone smoking. Their mom would smoke outside when she had a home. She is actually quite conscientious about smoking inside. She also cut way back on smoking while pregnant.

When I had allergy testing where they roughen up the skin on your back and wipe the allergen on it I had a reaction to tobacco. My blister was as big as when I put my thumbs together and my pointer fingers together to make a circle. About 5"-6" across. After they injected the 10 or so non reactive allergens in my arms I got a wonderful shot of Epinephrine and Benadryl and was sent home to sleep and shake it off. I can tell you I do not go around people smoking tobacco products and I do not let the kids either. I just choose my battles and keep things on my turf. I was allergic to 74 out of 80 things they tested me for....

Not a chance. At 4 months old, that baby's liver will not be able to handle normal allergens AND 2nd hand smoke/tar/etc. in the long run.

Tell them that it's nothing against them personally, but it's safer for them to hold them with clean shirts and hands and breath, if they come to your home.

No, I would not. I would not specifically ask them to stop but do tell them that you just can't bring your baby around with smoke residue lingering in the home. Tell them they are more than welcome to come to your house anytime.

I smoke, but not in my house and I wouldn't blame ANYONE who wouldn't want to come over if I did. So gross. My SIL and her husband smoke in their apartment and we won't go over there b/c of it. It stinks. My grandparents smoked in their houses when I was growing up and it didn't bother us I guess but I think it's nasty now.

Probably.

But I was born in 1977 and my Father and my Grandmother smoked around us and in the house and in the car.

I grew up like that so I am not as worried about it as others I suppose.

Most of the grandparents that smoke are probably people who grew up when I was younger and we didn't know that smoking was a terrible thing or that it would be disturbing. So we went ahead, had you beautiful younger daughters and sons and perhaps smoked outside or tried not to smoke and took care of you with all the love on earth that we could. We loved you, we cared about you and you are all safe and complaining about perhaps not visiting us? I know that if I was waiting for a visit from one of you I would smoke outside, clean out my smelly things and love, love, love my grandchildren. You grew up in a different time when smoking was no longer a good thing and yet sadly so many grandparents of your generation didn't. Please visit. Our grandparents grew up without running water, no toilets, no electricity. Life is what it is but grandparents always love their grandchildren.

No, I wouldn't. The smell is still everywhere and sticks to hair and clothes. While a SIDS risk may be a stretch here, it is still linked to second hand smoke, so while the baby is that young I would limit visits to our house or a neutral location. Be honest, but gracious, in expressing your concern - maybe it will inspire a change of habit!

Yes and no. My MIL smokes. When my first was born, she wanted us to visit frequently and to babysit. Not smoking in the house around us ( pregnant or not, baby or no baby) was like announcing that your going on a diet. Get really excited about it, and then gradually one brownie turns into two and by the time you've realized, a whole medium pizza is missing and there's no one to blame, but the cat. Anyways, so she did start off on a good foot a while back, before I got pregnant, but soon enough, time and time again, she would light a couple, up in front of us without hesitation and we went back home smoky. I got used to the cycle, but when I was pregnant I started to voice my concern, especially because times weren't just hard for me, but for her too. She was really stressed and started chain smoking. So my husband and I had a serious talk with her after the baby was born, after a couple of episodes when she started to smoke around the baby. She actually made the decision herself later on, to not smoke in the house around the baby. She is a very very neat and clean lady, and will light up candles and remove all ash trays. I think she now finds more joy in tidying up than smoking. She has also cut down alot on her smoking, because she goes outside. Now I have two children and she has many more grandchildren. We visited her not to long ago, and if I didn't know her, I wouldn't have guessed that she smokes, by visiting her home.

Both of my parents are chain smokers, and I do let them around my kids. I did tell my mom when my twins were born that second hand smoke increases the chance of SIDS. She has NEVER smoked around my kids, even when I bring them to her house. She will go to a different floor to smoke. So, yes, when my babies were four months old I let them spend time at Nana and Grandpa's as long as they didn't smoke when the babies were there. They've both been wonderful about it, and I've never had to ask them to not do it.

I would tell them that I prefer they come to your house.

A lot depends of how much they smoke and the condition of the house. If they are chain smokers and always smoke in the house then everything is going to smell. In that case, no I would not let my child stay there.

No. Even if they don't smoke when the grandkids are around the smell still lingers. My dad smokes in their house and because of that we have not been over since my son was born and he is 4 years old. They come over to our house and visit.

Maybe it wasn't enough, but I just asked that they air the house out and not smoke inside or around her while she was there. They honored my request. I was very lucky, they finally kicked the habit before her 2nd birthday. :)

Ahhhh! I so can relate! I had my kids in the 80s so smoking was known to be bad for you but not sooo politically incorrect.
I asked my mother in law and my husband to both not smoke in front of our babies in my own house and they did anyway.
They both have died of lung cancer since. I loved my mother in law and we had a good relationship too.
It is a really hard situation. If I didn't love my mother in law it would have been easier. I was really hurt she didn't respect my wishes. She probably thought her kids survived... but they actually didn't they all aren't here any longer and they would have only been in their 50s so I feel very strongly about smoking. I wouldn't allow it now but then hind sight is 20/20. At least you have the benefit of my unfortunate experience.
At least both my children will never choose to smoke after losing all their loved ones who have!

As long as they're not blowing smoke in the baby's face, sure.

I am a smoker and my answer is still absolutely NOT!

Nope! The toxins linger in the air and on the things in the house...and remember babies put everything in their mouths. A big no for me!
-M

I would love to say "no" b/c that's what I would LOVE to say to my in-laws. They smoke and I have a "time limit" on how long my son is allowed in their home, especially in the winter when everything is "closed up". We have a 2 hour limit, no exceptions. As it is, he smells like smoke when we get home and gets an immediate bath with ALL of our clothing put in the laundry room-doesn't even make it upstairs. Sounds silly, but we put our robes in the laundry room before we head over there.

We have arranged it so that most of their visits are at our home or at my SIL's house b/c they won't smoke in our homes. I've been honest with them about it b/c both my son and I are sensitive to the smoke- itchy eyes, congestion and I simply don't want to be around it for too long!

No I wouldn't spend time at their house but would encourage them to come to my house and spend time with the baby. My dad smokes and he knows my opinion on it and he does not smoke in front of me or my family at all.

Nope. If they smoke a lot inside the house, then the whole house would be nasty, not to mention the 2nd hand smoke. I helped clean a house once where both the man and woman smoked inside. We cleaned once a WEEK. You'd think it was once every 6 months... omg it was so nasty. It was also very hard for me to breathe in there, I HATE the smell of smoke.

All those factors together is just not a healthy environment for a baby. Sure people had babies in houses where people smoked a long time ago. But they also didn't have seatbelts and car seats a long time ago either...

No way...the day I had my first child was the first day of never going to my mother-in-law's house ever again, and that was 15 years ago! She doesn't smoke anymore but her house is gross so we don't go anyway! Luckily, her other son (my brother-in-law) lives close by so we always meet at his house. I never put my children around smokers, it's so unbelievably disgusting.

I grew up with a mom that smoked in the house and now I have a terrible allergy to cigarette smoke. I cough for days afterwards just being in the general vicinity of someone who is smoking. My in-laws smoke in their house and I will not let my girls go over there to spend time with them because the smoke lingers in the air.. They could easily go outside to smoke but they refuse to. They do not smoke when they are around the girls when we go out places or when they come over to our house.

regardless if they smoke when no one is there, vs when someone is there, the smoke is still in the air, paint, fabric of funiture, yeah i would but i would ask for them to air it out and freshen it up really well before i came over

my mother smokes, has longer than i've been alive. my sister does as well, just not around children or in her house. my mom used my sister smoking during pregnancy, as a reason to do so in her home while my nieces are there. i made it clear when i was pregnant that there was to be no smoking in the house while my son was over to visit- i dont think asking her to step outside for a few hours, one day a week is too much to ask. especially since 95% of the time i have to take my son to go see them. mom slipped up on thanksgiving, LIED to me about it, and we didnt go back for almost a month. i thought she got the hint? but not so, she used "the cold iowa weather bothering her back" as a reason awhile back. to which i told her- obviously you dont get it, you dont respect my wishes, and i refuse to lower my expectations just to please you and your habits. if you cant refrain for a few hours 1 day a week, then we wont come over anymore until it's warm enough outside for you to step outside. unfortunately we havent been back. it's sad that it's resorted to this, but this is no new information to her. and i'm not going to compromise! hope you have better luck than i did!!

Hi C.,

No, I would not let a four month old spend time there. Even if they aren't smoking when the grandkids are around, there isn't telling what type of second hand smoke they can inhale, especially for a very young child.

Is it possible to set up a regular outing with the grandparents outside their home? It can be a weekly/bi-weekly/monthly get together either at your house or at a park.

I wish you the best with this and with your sweet little baby.

Take care,
L.

no its is all in the clothes and furniture and everything. Plus it is not a scent I want my kids to become familiar with like it is no big deal. It is their choice.

No. You'd be doing a favor for your child and your parents sending them the harsh message that it's dangerous for your baby's health and their own. Last week there was an really great segment on The Doctor's Show about a family with the same dilemna (but the grandmother was living with them). Of course they had an intervention to knock into the person's thick skull how she was harming the child's life and when forced to choose, the child wins. She moved out until she could kick the habit. Here's the video! It's a difficult situation and I wish you the best! http://thedoctorstv.com/main/show_page/D3080

Not fond of it personally I do not like to take my son into homes where people smoke in them in general.

i grew up with a smoking dad(in the house), Me and my 2 brothers all had childhood asthma. Coincidence?, no, i think not. Dont let them smoke around your baby, if they care enough they will step outside while hes over.

if they do, then no problem, the house will still have toxins but grandma and grandpa are important.

My mom smokes and my dad doesn't. She only smokes outside and did not start smoking till my kids got older. The baby is too young to be in a house where they smoke around her. I would just make that clear.