Grandparents Rights to Visit with Grandchildren

It sounds like you've been harassed enough that you have grounds for a restraining order against them.

Are they mean to your children?
When my parents divorced, even tho my mom couldnt stand my grandma, she still let us visit her----I have to give my mom credit in that regard because I'm sure it was tough to see her daughters go off for the summer with someone that she didnt care for. But my grandma loved us because we were her sons daughters and she treated us like gold.
As far as grandparent rights go, I really dont know the legalities on that if they decided to take you to court for visitation. I would assume you would have to prove them "unfit" or the judge will say they can visit with the kids. Just something for you to consider.
Grandparents come in very handy when you and hubby want to do something for a wknd and want the kids to stay with someone that loves them. Don't discount that. But if they only want to hurt your children you have every right to protect them from that. If its only you and hubby that dont like them and they are good grandparents, please dont let your feelings get in the way of that relationship. The kids need as much family to love them as they can get.

It really comes down to whether or not you want your kids to have a relationship with their grandparents. If you want them to, why not begin with inviting them over for dinner one night. If it goes well, consider doing it again. If you want to meet somewhere else, talk about meeting them at the zoo one morning. It was a little difficult to read your post (since you did not use punctuation), but it sounded like they wanted to visit with your kids without you present. I would think they would understand you not being comfortable leaving the kids with them unless they built a relationship wtih you first. If you are able to build a relationship with them, the rest will fall into place.

I would be suprised if they could really take you to court to force visitation, but I'm sure a lawyer would talk to you about the laws without charging you.

Would your inlaws go with you and your husband to a counselor so that you could all start getting along and acting like responsible adults instead of a bunch of children trying to get their way? Since you all love your kids, would it not be mature of you to schedule an appointment for the family? Ask you inlaws if they would like to work things out so your future isnt doomed.

I am sure there is a way you can all sit down as adults and figure this out. They may be hateful to you, but if they are good to the children, then they should be able to see them. Strained relationships should not be passed on down to grandchildren. I'm sure that the relationship would improve over time if you maintained some boundaries, but also if you were compromise to let them see the kids when they are able.

Your post was a little off, in which you said they never want to see the kids, but then you said later they do...just not at times when it is convenient for you. So it sounds like there are maybe some hurt feelings on everyone's part and everyone is to blame for how this has escalated. Instead of going to court, how about try to put aside hard feelings with them and at the very least, let the children have a relationship with them.

More and more states are granting visitation to grandparents. Last year alone there were more than 400 pages of new law in Oklahoma regarding this very issue.

In our Grandparents Raising Grandchildren organization we have an attorney who comes and speaks to us about twice a year. She is on one of the committees that propose laws to our law makers and helps get it done better.

Some day they will win visitation so in my opinion you guys should sit down and start communicating and trying to set up some playdates where you can keep them calm but still control the visit at least for a while, they are after all family and love the kids...the kids will want to go visit grandma and grandma some times over the weekend or even during Summer vacation before too long.

Grandparents have very few rights and the ones they have, in a situation like yours, they'd have to access them thru the courts.

I suggest that your problem isn't whether or not the grandparents can visit their grandchildren but how can you get along with them. You can refuse visits. Based only on what you've written, I'd refuse all contact.

If you want to remain in contact with the grandparents I suggest you start with counseling so that you can increase your social skills as well as gain confidence in your selves so that you can set firm boundaries. Sounds like his parents are running all over the top of you and you must find a way to make this stop. Ideally, you'd want to get along with them but maybe that's impossible.

My father's parents didn't approve of my mother but yet over the years they learned how to get along and by the time I was old enough to know what was going on we were a happy family together. My grandmother was probably the most important person in my life after my mother.

Decide what sort of relationship you want to have with your in-laws, get involved in counseling to see if there is a way to have that happen. In the meantime, stay away from them. Be firm. Do not let them make your life miserable. You can refuse to talk with them. You can change your phone number. You can refuse to let them inside your house.

Perhaps there will be a time that you can confidentally set and enforce some boundaries and be able to include them in your grandchildren's lives. This would be good for your children but only if you can live at peace with your in-laws.

Yes, talk with an attorney to be sure of your rights. Also be sure that you are taking good care of your children. Sometimes grandparents who aren't allowed to see their grandchildren do call authorities for welfare checks. That's their right. But if you're taking good care then this will only be a minor hassle.

So sorry you are in this situation! First, they can't take you to court to take your kids. Grandparents are to earn their relationship with children-children aren't property and shouldn't be treated that way! You in no way shape or form are obligated to have them take your kids etc. They sound immature and awful. I wouldn't want my kids around such a horrible influence. Keep the kids away until they can show they can grow up, respect you first of all and don't lower your standards. They must meet your standards before you have contact. Hope this helps.

M

Well, not sure about other states but in mine I don't think grandparents have any rights to grandchildren unless maybe if the parents were unfit. But I also know of a grandmother who tried to take over custody of her granddaughter and they put the granddaughter in foster care instead. So that doesn't always hold true either.

So anyway, I don't think you have much to worry about the grandparents taking your children. I am sure there is so much more and lots of issues between you and your IL's. However, I don't think its too far off of grandparents wanting to see grandchildren when its convenient for them. If deep down they are good grandparents, I don't see what would hurt letting your kids spend time with them. But, it sounds like they are hurtful and could be the type to spread lies to your children. So maybe its probably for the best you just stay away from them. I also wouldn't worry too much about them trying to steal custody or getting visitation rights.

Has your husband tried to talk with them in your defense or favor, or not? I think it's up to him to talk with them and say he made a choice and they should respect that as he's an adult and it's not their decision. I would think he could tell them you'd both like the kids to be part of their lives but that they would have to follow guidelines and accept you as the mother and his wife. If he sat down and was firm and yet loving with them I would think that would set it straight that you are both the parents and they are the grandparents and that means you are the adults who made the choices you did. If they don't like you they may never like you or in time they may but it will take work, patience on both sides, and not fighting. Talk to your husband about talking with them and letting them know where you are both coming from and leave lawyers out of it. This is really your husbands issue I think.

As far as I know- my husband and I have checked into this for similar reasons- in Missouri, they do not have "rights" unless he (their son) passes away. Until something like that happens they would not have a leg to stand on. Not to mention their behavior is not going to win them any points in court. Stick to your guns. Know you and your husband are in love and have a strong marriage and let them go. He may have to cut off all communication with them for everyone to be ok and get past this. That is what had to be done in our case and it has been that way for 2 years now. It is a lot easier knowing someone is not telling lies about you to your husband all the time.