Grandparents - Zebulon,NC

Casey said it quite rudely, but the general message rings true. You daughter needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her, and to respect people's space.

I'm kind of with Kristina on this O..
Your mom is doing what she needs to be doing right now.
When my stepdad got seriously ill, he and my mom had to give up watching our son. My son was VERY attached to them.
It was tough all around--on him, on them, on my son.
Your daughter needs to be told that your father is sick and Mawmaw must use most of her time to take care of him right now.
Please don't make your mom feel that she has to choose--she just can't right now.
Can YOU take care of your father so your mom can spend a little special time with your daughter now & then? That might help--some O. on O. time for them.

IMO, you should give your mother and father some time without the LO. Your father needs peace and quiet and your mother, of course, of preoccupied with his health. Do them both a favor and keep your daughter at home for a while. Let her call Mamaw and/or help her to make a card for both grandparents that you can mail to them.

Your daughter can be talked to about how she needs to share her Mamaw with her new little cousin and with her grandpa who is very sick. When she throws a fit, you need to put her in time-out and discipline her so she knows that is not acceptable behavior.

Also, your mom is obviously frazzled and the visits with your daughter aren't going as well as usual. I think you need to give your mom and dad break from your child for a while, they have more pressing issues at the time.

Good Lord....give your parents time to take care of their immediate problems. It's time for you to take over your daughter and fill the void. To heck with the new addition to the family....your daughter is a big girl....don't let this become a problem for your parents...I'm sure it is very trivial compared to what they are going thru. You sound somewhat self-centered...when you should be showing tons of compassion. The little princess will survive...she doesn't need to be on the front burner all the time.

I think your mother needs the space to deal with your father - basically I suggest going cold turkey on Mamaw so Papa can recover (I hope) in peace. Sorry but your father takes priority here.

Just explain to her right now she has to take care of her grandpa and that when he's better she will be able to spend more time her. It's hard for them when there is change like that.

Good luck and God Bless!

Wow. Some people are perpetually in a bad mood. But enough about the other responses...

Your parents are going through a rough time. I do not know how serious your father's illness is or if he is in a great deal of pain.... these could be factors in why he doesn't seem to have as much patience for your daughter. You mention she is very attached to your mother, but you didn't mention how the relationship was between your father and daughter before he got ill. There may be some answers in there. Also, if your father is a proud man and having to depend on your mother more and more due to illness (not to mention facing his own mortality), that can shorten tempers and make him less happy to have an "audience" for his decline.

Meanwhile, your mother is being torn. I know when my step-dad had back surgery, I had to keep my kids away while he healed. My Mom was miserable. She was physically taxing her body to the extreme trying to help this giant man get to and from the bathroom but not getting the emotional rejuvenation she gets from spending time with me and my kids. It was very rough on her, but as soon as my Dad was able to be more self-sufficient, she got on the road to come see my family and get her "fix". :-)

When my daughters were born, my mother was determined to show my son that he was not being pushed out of the spotlight by the arrival of siblings. She took extra time with him and while everyone could see that she adores my daughters as well, she recognized that they didn't need her attention so much as my son did at that time. So many people are drawn in to the novelty of a new baby, they forget that the baby doesn't have much preference for who holds them. A toddler knows things are different and is trying to work out their place in the New World Order.

My heart goes out to you that all of this is happening at once for your family. I truly can't imagine trying to juggle all the different issues you all have going on. My suggestions are these:

For your daughter: Distraction. Get her involved in something to take up some of her time and energy. Little Gym, music class, playgroup... something.

For your father: Respectful time and distance. A card here or drawing from your daughter is a wonderful suggestion.

For your mother: All of the above. Invite her to come to the park for a picnic lunch and playtime with your daughter. A specific period of time where she doesn't feel she is abandoning her husband nor her grandchild. Let her get a "fix" without any expectation or stress on her. Offer her opportunities to get together with your daughter, but keep the time limited and when she isn't able to join you, extend the same respectful time and distance to your mother.

For you: A massage, pedicure, or something nice for yourself and perhaps a book on families dealing with grief.

Good luck to you all.

I forgot how rude the responses can be. You're concerned about your daughter, as good moms are...

You can help your daughter by having her draw a picture for your mom, talk about special things she misses because her grandmother is not able to be more present, play with her and get into her world and watch how she expresses herself. Her feeling are right and normal. Other outlets, other strong loving support may be needed at this time.

This is a GREAT time for a life lesson for your daughter. G and G need their space. Teach her compassion, patience and empathy. Maybe after you have a talk with her she can make gifts or draw pictures for G and G and the new baby. Teach her to be proactive rather than reactive.

Three-year-olds are big enough to be told, "Mamaw is having a hard time right now. Grandpa is sick and she's very worried about him. You love Mamaw! She has done good things for you; what can you do for her now?" Then you both can come up with some ideas.

One thing, of course, that your daughter can do to help Mamaw is to show her how helpful she can be to the new baby in the family. The more your girl can be kind and helpful, the better Mamaw will feel, because family life will run more smoothly.

It's time to take over and keep daughter home. Mom has enough to worry about with dad. The little one will survive not hanging out with the grandparents for a bit. use this as a teaching moment that priorities are necessary and where you stand in the family. Also include the new cousin in the equation as there are sure to be more and she will have to learn to share their love and time.

Take time to care for yourself but to take care of your immediate family (daughter/hubby) and then the extended members.

If you can get a sitter and spend time with dad and give mom a break. It will do everyone good to be away from everyone else for a few hours.

My best to you and the family.

The other S.

PS I would love to have a break and go to the Bahamas for a week but hubby is ill and I am planning a trip by myself next year for a good week with no one hanging on me.

Talk to your daughter about what is going on.Maybe find a book in the library about caring for sick family so you can talk to your DD about it. She's young, but she can understand what sick is, and that her Mamaw needs to help her husband. The more she knows, the more she can deal with what's going on.

It's all in how you approach it and how you request that your mother spend more time with your daughter. If you kindly talk to your mother about how your daughter is getting jealous, could she take her for ice cream or to the park alone, etc Explain to her that you know her time is limited and that there is a new baby but that you would really appreciate it if she could help you make your 3 yr old feel better.

Great first question! Welcome to MP!!!