Grandpa Is Having an Affair.

B., I'm so sorry about your troubles. You're young and it's difficult to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Your family seems like it's been dysfunctional for generations. I understand that you really want to help your grandmother. Unfortunately, I don't think that you are going to be able to change either of them at all. It's been dysfunctional for many, many years, and their old patterns are very ingrained.

I recommend that you seek professional help for yourself whether from a licensed independent social worker (LICSW), psychologist or therapist. Speaking from experience, I think you will need help figuring out how you're going to handle this burden and at the same time not feel like you're responsible for fixing it. Your physician or ob/gyn should be able to give you a referral. If you're in college, maybe there is help offered there.

I also recommend that you seek out and attend Al-Anon and/or ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) groups in your area. ("Al-Anon is a worldwide organization that offers a self-help recovery program for families and friends of alcoholics whether or not the alcoholic seeks help or even recognizes the existence of a drinking problem.") (ACOA is a program for women and men who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes.) If one group isn't the right fit for you, check out others until you find one that's suitable. There are lots of them around, usually held in churches, hospital conference rooms, etc. The best part is that they're FREE. You may not connect with everything that's said the first night. Some of it may hit home immediately and other stuff may take a while to reveal itself.

Perhaps your grandmother can find a professional to speak with as well. I'd also encourage her to come to the Al-Anon or ACOA meetings with you. You may even want to check out some of the enlightening self-help books at your local library.

Best wishes, B.. Keep being supportive of your grandmother but try not to get too emotionally drained from all of this. You are not responsible in any way for these problems, you are not responsible for fixing them, you are not responsible for speaking up to your grandfather, you are not responsible for fixing their relationship, you are not responsible for helping your grandmother get stronger, you are not responsible for your grandmother's happiness. She's an adult, and she does have choices she can make, even thought they're very difficult. These are life-long issues that would best be handled by a professional.

I apologize if I've gone off on a tangent. I truly hope this helps. Wishing you peace.

Keep your grandmother's secrets for her and support her in any way you can. Your grandmother is old enough to know her choices. You and your gram may benefit from some Al-Anon meetings. It might help her if you take her/go with her. God Bless.

You can't change Grandpa and you won't. let that one go.

Do what you are doing....being the best granddaughter in the world to your Grandmother. LISTEN to her, be her friend. Sounds like you are her world.

Cherish that relationship....IT IS AND WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL RELATIONSHIPS you will ever have in your life. I say this b/c it doesn't sound like you have a positive relationship with your mother. So, your Grandmother will be the maternal role in your life.

On the same note....LEARN from your grandmother. Don't be a victim as she is.

The greatest gift you can give her is your relationship. Don't betray it, do as she pleases. Although you may not agree, she is wise beyond your years and she knows what she is doing.

You have a gift, this relationship. Cherish it, sounds like she is your best friend :) If you don't know that now, you will one day.

I don't think it is your place to tell anyone right now. I think that the best thing to do is to be there for your grandma. She may decide to tell others on her own time and she will need your support even more if/when she decides to do that.

it is your grandmothers choice to stay or leave and she has her own reasons for doing it. you may never know or fully understand her decisions, but if you want to keep that close bond with her i would suggest that you just be her shoulder to cry on and offer her whatever little advice you can. if you go after your grandfather and she stays with him, you will be putting a strain on your relationship with your grandmother. he may ask her not to speak to you about these things anymore and you will also jeapordize her trust in you. the best thing to do is to be her supporter and help her get through the bad times. good luck

B. - sounds like a tough situation for you. If you feel overly burdened about what your gma told you ask her if she would be willing to bring the sisters in on the secret for love and support. If your gpa is an alcoholic who listens to no one, then your job is to support your gma and build her up. Dont feel like you have to do it alone.