Grandma vs Grandma

First, I find it hard to believe that your husband doesn't think it's an issue. My guess is that he doesn't want to deal with it with his mother and hopes it will all go away.

I think you have shown lots of patience already with your MIL with her dropping by or showing up anyway.

You can't control what your MIL buys. Forget trying to accomplish this.

I do think you have every right to insist that your Mom gets to hold the baby, spend time with the baby, etc. without competition from MIL. Continue to take the baby from her arms if needed. You might also try going on outings with your Mom (if she's up to it) with the baby while she visits. Then MIL won't find you at home.

I also would not include MIL in a dinner at your home while your Mom visits. If your husband is not at home and MIL rings the doorbell, I might just not hear it.

It's a sad shame when grown adults act this way but it happens all the time.

I would tell my MIL that my mom is coming and that my mom and I NEED to spend some time together alone, you got very scare after she got sick and feel the need to spend time and for her to get close to your kids, so to please forgive you and that before your mom leaves YOU will like to have ALL the family together and take a family picture (you hold the baby in the family picture) and then take individual pictures of each grandma with the baby and give it to them as a present.
After you say that, if you have time also remind her again later that if she NEEDS something or have any PROBLEM that needs help, to please call before or to call your husband because you barely are going to be home that week and that you will call back as soon as possible.

If your Mom visits from out of townI would limit the time MIL is at the house at the same time. If she comes over unannounced, don't open the door (you can always lie and say you didn't hear the door or whatever). Your Mom should be able to enjoy the grandkids too.

I don't know how old your kids are, but you also need to explain to them... about people. That the Grandma who gets them more things or the more expensive things, does NOT make her, the 'best' Grandma.
So your kids, do not start to compete either.... per their Grandmas or who they like better or not.

Teach them... about people.

You Husband, has to talk to her. That is his Mom.

Too bad, your MIL is like this.
How, noxious.

Showing love this way, is NOT love.
Your Husband does not see this.
Your MIL has personal personality issues.
It is not healthy.

You and your husband will need to get on the same page about this. Even if he doesn't agree. I think it's reasonable for you to set some ground rules between the grandmothers, and especially for your mother-in-law even before your mother shows up. But your husband should be the one to lay it out to his mother. If he has to explain that it's to keep the peace and avoid looking like a competition, so be it. Write him a script if you have to and have him refer to it while talking to her on the phone.

You can even do the same thing with your mother before she comes. And try to look at it as two grammas that are just excited to spend time with their grandchildren. It's not a who's better competition, but probably more like who can spend more time with the kids and soak them up faster.

If you can separate them or better yet, help them find things in common with each other besides the children, that might ease tension.

I'm sorry, but I think your DH has his head stuck in the sand. It is a problem, but maybe because your mother has never talked to him directly about it (I'm guessing), he just ignores it or doesn't realize what it is.

First, set up boundaries. MIL cannot just "stop by" without a call. Make it known, in front of DH and her (if DH won't take the bull by the horns, so to speak). Tell her that there is too much going on/you're too busy/kids schedule too hectic/you value your privacy though you love her very much (whatever you think will work best). Then tell her that she needs to call before stopping by, because it puts your family in an awkward/uncomfortable position if she doesn't. And when she does stop by without calling first, you can do one of two things: 1) leave the door locked and don't answer, or 2) (which is less confrontational), grab the kids and head out to the store, and say, sorry, we're on our way out the door, next time please call. And keep doing that until she respects the rule.

Second thing--find out when your mom is coming, and tell your MIL, point blank, that since your mother lives so far away and doesn't get to see the kids very often, she needs a little bit of one-on-one time with the grandkids. Tell her that since she sees the grandkids every week, you know she understands how special the bond is between a grandma and the grandkids (say it with a smile, even if you're being inwardly sarcastic!). Make sure your DH is aware of this and is "okay" with it. Then, if MIL shows up during the special time with the kids,

Thirdly, you might want to directly address this with MIL: "I've noticed you have a hard time sharing the baby when X is over visiting. Then, wait and let her respond. Later, bring up the gifts: "And it seems that every time you visit, you bring 2 gifts for each kid. We want the kids to love you for you, not your gifts, and we're concerned, that being, young, the children will only learn to be selfish, or expect a gift each time they see you, when we'd rather that they look forward to visiting with you and not focus on the gifts."
She may not be happy you're bringing this up, but you'll be doing so in a kind manner (say it with a smile), and you'll be indirectly telling her that you're aware of her competition.

Your husband is ignoring the problem because he doesn't want there to be drama with his parents. You need to explain to him (in clear and simple terms) that unless he has a conversation with his parents about this, there will be more drama than he can even imagine. He needs to know that SOMEONE will be talking to his folks about this, and it really is better for everyone if it comes from him.

I think that you need to tell your husband that while you get that she loves the grandkids, it's off-putting. If she can't share or has to one-up your mom all the time, then you may have to schedule non-MIL time and he gets to deal with her. Times like this I'm grateful that my MIL and mom don't try to one-up each other with the grands. Are your kids the only grands or the only ones nearby?

If she "stops by" when you have other company, that is rude. I'd make a plan with my mom to go out (even just to the park) if she does this. Say, "Sorry, but we had plans. You need to call ahead before visits to make sure we're available."

If DH doesn't like it, then he needs to do something about it because his WIFE is getting upset and her parents aren't able to share the grandkids while his overbearing mom is around.

When one party doesn't see the issue it's usually 1) because if he did see an issue and did something, then he'd feel her wrath 2) because he's grown up with that as normal.

Since your mom doesn't get to see the kids often and I can only imagine how hard it must be for her to travel after chemo, you must make lots of time for her to spend time with the kids without having to compete with your MIL all the time. I say this because my parents are very non assertive and my mom tells me that it hurts them when they go visit my niece (across the country) that her other grandparents come visit too, but they live close and see the kiddo all the time, that they feel they can't really bond with the grand baby because it feels like a competition. They are only there for a few days. I would be upfront or have your hubby do it, and invite her over for a specific time, like Easter dinner or Easter party but tell her you would really like to enjoy some time with just your mother. My MIL is a little similar to this regarding the competition thing with my FIL (they are not married) she gets jealous, its bizarre.

Thanks for the support husband.
....Grumbles.. drives me crazy when they will not speak up for their wives.

I agree that your MIL is very fortunate to spend so much time with the grandkids, I hope she can be gracious and allow all of you to now have a little time together.

Ignore the competitive shopping.. That is just childish and she is just wasting money. Can you take that stuff back? Get credits an then use it as gifts back to MIL for Mothers day, her birthday etc..

Invite MIL for very specific events. Example Dinner on Monday 4 - 7
Tuesday Playing in the park in the morning 9-11:00am
Wed again 2 hours in the park or have her watch the kids while you and your mom go and get pedicures.

Then the rest of the time, can be time for your mom.

Let MIL know that you miss private time with your own mother and this is a treat for you and the kids, so you would like to have some time.